to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

Well maybe 'greedy' is a word like 'skinny'. It implies a critisism to some and not to others.

Yes but greed does exist

It's a fact that some people are greedy...not just for food but possessions too.

It doesn't however mean that all overweight people are greedy, or that all thin people are not greedy.

Ah, I didn't even pick up that gwendoline was objecting to the word greedy. I see what you mean now. Anyway, I wasn't trying to hint that overweight people are just greedy, I know it's way more complicated than that. It is just a FACT that I try not to overeat, have seconds when i'm not hungry etc and I see that as me not being greedy.

I don't think anyone's saying it's 'simple' Leonie but that's generally the crux of it...to eat 'better' (not necessarily less) and to exercise more and regularly.

I've known overweight people who don't drive and so walk everywhere, but they needed rigorous exercise to kick start their weight loss...like regular strenuous workouts, jogging, swimming etc.

Pretty sure no one has said it's that simple. This is meant to be a thread about the feelings of thin people!

Leonie - I have no idea. It does not seem fair at all. I know I stop myself eating all that I could, but I don't do much exercise at all, and I maintain my weight at failry "slim". Worra is probably right

Worra is correct Leonie - for example, a good friend of mine wanted to lose weight and she was doing pretty much what you are and nothing was happening. It all changed when she started to mixed it up a bit. Jogging, walking, swimming, brisk uphill walking, interval training, weight training. And eating good food, but crucially not dieting. She simply cut out junk food and refined sugars, eating, as I do, 4-5 small meals a day to avoid the dips that may cause the 'shakes'. This made a difference, a very real difference. She was lovely before, but she is lovely and extremely fit and healthy now.

I wouldn't personally make comments about someone being thin, especially not in public, but i think that saying someone is getting fatter would be a lot worse. A size 8 is a desirable size to be. Lots of people would love to be a size 8. Size 18 is an undesirable size to be. (I should know as i take size 18 tops.) Having said that it does sound like she was tryign to embarrass you and was probably very jealous.

Sorry Leonie I was unnecessarily sharp in my last post.

it would be a lot worse for someone to say fatter in your eyes ofcourse miette as you have said your an undesireable 18, but over here as an undesireable size (in my eyes) i still shouldnt be picked out if your not called skinny you dont get that it is still as upsetting, still as embarassing and still as cruel as being called fat, it still makes you uncomfortable when eating and it still makes you feel like shit in your clothes and when you get home and take your clothes off.

I wish women would stop making other women feel shit about their size or body. It's crap.

Exercise isn't a particularly good way to lose weight- calorie restriction is the only way to do that. Walking 5-6 miles a day doesn't burn that many calories and you need to burn off more than you take in to lose weight.

Exercise can speed up weight loss and keep you toned. Without changing your calorie intake it's not a particularly effective way to lose weight.

If that had of been me I would have said at least Im not a fat bastard.

Seriously I would have. She is jealous you are slim and she is a puffalump.

Gngngngngnnnnn

I do understand why this is such an emotive subject.

But I can never fathom why it should be.

I mean. Let's break it down:

Being very overweight is probably unattractive and almost certainly unhealthy
Being very underweight is probably unattractive and almost certainly unhealthy

Some overweight people are gorgeous
Some low-weight people are gorgeous

Some overweight people are plain as a bag of spanners
Some low-weight people are plain as a bag of spanners

Some overweight people are healthy
Some low-weight people are healthy

Some overweight people are unfit
Some low-weight people are unfit

Really. To be honest we should all grow up and greet the entire issue with a gigantic shrug, unless quietly and kindly expressing genuine concern to a dear friend that their lifestyle might endanger their health.

It's not good surmising whether you think an overweight or low-weight person is healthy or attractive, unhealthy or unattractive. You probably don't know about the state of their health unless you've seen their latest blood test results, and attractiveness is all (well - largely) a matter of taste - and about a great deal more than the quantity and quality of flesh on your bones.

But if being slim is so awful, why are people on this thread assuming that those who aren't slim are therefore jealous of those who are?

If someone is called fat by a slimmer person, do we assume that is because the slimmer person is jealous? No we don't.

It seems to me that some posters hate being thin, but feel that at least they are not fat as that would be much worse.

Not everone of course, but that is certainly the feeling from some.

And btw, I agree that any negative comment about a person's appearance is thoughtless at best, nasty at worst.

My sister in law once told my nine year old that I was too skinny, and she'd hate to look like me .

She stupidly thought it wouldn't get back to me.

I doubt she'll be making comments like that about anyone again

No-one's saying being slim is awful as far as I'm aware

They're saying making personal comments about their body because they are slim, is just as bad as making personal comments about someone's body because they are fat.

thatsnotmybabybelly again i think its hard not to feel defensive, i genuinely dont think it was jelousy with my friend just bitchiness in a really insulting way, but i think it also would make me feel a bit better if it was jelousy as in oh at least she didnt mean it really, works for a lot of people that trick thats why i think we have see it pop up a lot on this thread

They're saying making personal comments about their body because they are slim, is just as bad as making personal comments about someone's body because they are fat.

that worra is what should have been grasped from the off! :)

Yes I see pregola and I understand your point of view, it was those saying "well she is fat so must be jealous" which shoots the general "you shouldn't call people names" argument in the foot really.

Your friend sounds awful by the way, determined to make you feel rubbish about yourself. If it wasn't being slim it would be something else I would imagine.

I have a friend (using the term loosely) who has had a baby the same time as me. Both dc's are 6 months old. She was back in her skinny jeans within a week she tells me (she has the figure of a model). However, she informed me last week she wished she could be like me and just not care about getting my figure back when she knows I am trying really hard and still look like a -barrel--. Is she jealous? Doubt it. Is she mean spirited and spiteful, yes (for so many other reasons by the way)

Maybe re evaluate your friendship - friends should make you feel good and happy.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly, its not about that. Its about trying to understand why the fuck someone thinks its ok to be rude and offensive. You tend to put assumptions on it, as you don't know how else to rationalise it.