to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

Oh yes, I forgot the pale skin, moles and frizzy hair.

Am actually quite happy with how I look, despite not conforming to cultural ideals

I think some larger women find it very hard to understand how it could possibly be an insult to comment on skinniness. I think they think it is actually a compliment.

some grammar and punctuation wouldn't go amiss

quinn i dont get why its an odd thread ?, it wasnt put up to start a fatty thinny war but sometimes people feel targeted or critcised when they neednt

Your friend does sound a little socially inept but for most people being slim/thin is the ideal so it may perhaps have been meant with admiration.

Where as calling someone fat or obese is never said in an admiring way and so I do think its worse actually to call someone fat.

Your friend is being rude. She wants so desperately to be your size and is masking her jealously (which is a result of her insecurities) with sarky one-liners.

Putting people down in order to make yourself feel better is rock bottom.
She has the issues. She needs to deal with them.
Carry on being you.

proud what does gammar and punctuation have to do with anything?

"That's what we should be arguing against, not dissing each other."

Quite! Hear, hear! Totally agree... etc etc etc...

stranded my fault the title was misleading, and i know being underweight can have its problems which is part of why i want to put on weight (was a bit anemic a while back, not major i know)

It is simple really:

do not comment negatively about someones weight/appearance It is not on.

Name such fatty, heffa, ... skinny, ana, mia are horrid and should never be used to decribed someone.

MrsCampbellBlack I'm not trying to be confrontational but my SIL once introduced me as to someone 'this is OurPlanet, but we like to call Ana Mia' (short for anorexia and bulimia). Sorry, this was just as bad as calling someone fatty. It is.

And what verlaine said. Life is so much nicer if you blithely accept that people usually utter inanities rather than nastiness.

onehandflapping you sound very bitter, my dear.

I think you'll find the media are usually attacking women of all sizes. Women for being too skinny and not 'real' women and fat women for being, well, too fat.

I'm naturally slim and all my family are too. My mum is in her 60s and a size 10 with 3 children, my sister is a size 8 after two boys.

Not everyone is going to experience being fat btw especially as a lot of people have the slim genes and healthy lifestyles, why not try it one day?

I sympathize OP, having a similar issue myself. I'm still amazed at the number of people who make comments about annorexia, fading away etc etc.

When I was a teenager I spent a lot of time justifying myself and explaining that I do eat. Now, I just ask them to stop, and if they carry on (which they rarely do), I tell them they're being very rude. Seems to do the trick.

So it's not an even playing field, and to comment on how fat someone is IS NOT equivalent to commenting on how thin someone is

Don't be silly, of course it is.

It's still a personal comment no matter what way you look at it.

Just to add, I definately wouldn't want anyone to pity me for being slim, I love it. I just don't feel it's anyone's place to discuss someone else's body.

It's hard to read posts with no grammar or punctuation and therefore distracts from what the OP's trying to say.

NO no no! It's not acceptable!

It drives me wild. And I'm with infinitefairylights in hating shopping for clothes and things just hang off me. I was in M&S the other day and I swear those mirrors took pounds off you because I looked emaciated :(. I eat and eat and get nowhere. As for those "real women" comments...

Onehandflapping, your post was rude and sounds more than a touch bitter.

i get the whole not calling people 'bad' names but sometimes when you feel targeted its difficult not to go into defensive mode

WorraLiberty, totally agree - if its a comment to put down, belittle or otherwise make someone feel shit about themselves then yeah its the same thing.

I wouldn't DREAM of saying the same to any of my friends who are bigger than me.

Why? Cos I'm not a fucking bitch.

Worra - I do think its ruder to comment on how fat someone is because given the choice the majortity of people would rather be slim/slender.

'Skinny' is generally seen as a compliment isn't it? Gosh I love it if someone tells me I'm looking skinny - would far rather that than 'you're looking well'.

But thats perhaps my issues

proud i think its much more likely you tried to embarass someone by making a bit of a silly comment and pulling them up on something totally irrelevant

MrsCampbellBlack, its rarely a 'skinny' compliment though. Its comments about anorexia, wasting away, blowing away, about what you eat etc etc.

If it was JUST about being skinny, I would tend to agree, but its the put downs and deliberate nastiness that accompany it which mark it as being far from a compliment.

mrscampbell but it's not always said in a complimenting way. Usually it's in a green-eyed-'oooh look how skinny you are'-way, which is not nice.

I was bullied by the fat girls at school, who would go on and on at me about my weight. So now when someone comments on my weight I feel uncomfortable as it's a touchy subject.

I don't think the op's 'friend' was giving her a compliment either.

mrscampbell i think for someone who is happy to be called skinny its geat yes but you cant assume someone likes it and i shouldnt need to infom people 'actually i take offence' before they say silly things just as i wouldnt expect to be informed someone might not want to be called curvy before saying 'alright, well arent you looking curvy' just incase they took offence

Most people I know who get accused of being 'too skinny' are not in fact too slim, they are just not overweight. It's getting pretty unusual to not be overweight in the UK and I think people's idea of what the right weight looks like is getting skewed.