AIBU to ask you all to tell me whats the worst/funniest/most awful thing you have done whilst drunk?

[deburca]

Sorry but I need cheering up today and another post has some wonderful stories on this topic so I thought I would just ask everyone!

x

deb

YusMilday, I am ever thankful that I got through my 20s and a good part of my 30s before digital cameras became prevalent. As it is, people would have to do some serious searching for evidence of my sordid youth.

Im ashamed that i could actually fill up this thread

Me and my bf had won live 8 tickets and the coach/hotel was booked.We were leaving on Friday morning at 6am and on Thursday night i popped to the shops,met some friends on the way to town so i joined them. We ended up out until 4am ignoring frantic calls from bf.
Battered,i got home and wanted a bit of sleep but he was fuming and stomping about. I spent a 4 hour coach journey trying not to vomit or show i had a blinding headache.
He dumped me soon after.

Nearly burnt myself to death jumping in the bonfire, shagging two unsuitable guys, blacked out for a few hours and woke up with trousers in a tree then carried on drinking. Woke up in the morning covered in bruises, blood, mud and poop no food or drink within 5 miles, hiked to tesco for a whole cooked chicken for breakfast.

Worst night of my life, couldn't smell rum for six months after without heaving.

Have more but that was the worst.

arf at Jen127 trying to cover up smell of poo by talking loudly Did it work?

oh god i am weeping with laughter at these! it's made me have several flashbacks - the so drunk i fell down the stairs and woke up with a bruise the size of australia on my bum (if i hadn't been so nicely drunk and relaxed i think i would have broken my neck that evening); and the so drunk i weed down the leg of my trousers at a wedding and had to pretend i'd spilt my drink. it was only about 3pm, post-canapes and there was an entire evening to go...

I don't get drunk any more. Ever. I very very rarely have a glass of wine or something, but I never get drunk and haven't for years.

This is why.

I was once discovered in a pub toilet, washing a mat down the loo

I once got out of the car (was not driving!) fell into a hedge, got up and immediately fell into the hedge again

I was told "shut up, Hecate, you're drunk." To which my reply, apparently, was "I can't be drunk, I've got my glasses on."

Hooked up with a couple of blokes, went to a park, got cold so they went across the way and ripped up a fence and made a bonfire out of it.

Woke up after a night out to find a big bunch of gorgeous flowers in my bedsit. I hadn't bought them, they weren't there the night before and I had no idea where they had come from. On walking to work, I passed a garden. Full of beautiful flowers. They look familiar, I thought...

me and my mate were sick of some blokes who wouldn't leave us alone so we pretended to be a lesbian couple. FYI - it doesn't put men off as much as you might think.

Pretended to be deaf to stop some drunken bloke trying to talk to me. I have bsl level 1 so was fairly convincing.

Sitting having drinks with my sister and did a dribble-burp-fart-frank bruno laugh

Assorted vomiting stories.

Abundance of dancing in the street and loud singing stories

Very many coming onto terrified men stories

Oh, and I will sleep with anyone. anyone at all. anyone.

Some of these make me and

I don't drink at all now (bar one glass every couple of months as a treat as I've been pregnant or breastfeeding or both for the best part of 3.5 years. I never really drank much alcoholic father really put me off even when I did have a drink which is why this little incident is so out of character and all the more shocking.

I once invited my ex-boss to dinner. It went really well and he left with his wife after me surprise hugging him on the way out (really not the done thing, really really not although I don't think I was obnoxious just unexpected and not the done thing). I was quite merry by that point and so I thought the best way to celebrate what I thought was going to mean a great promotion would be to take up running. Yes I was on a roll this was exactly what I needed to do. Right there and then. I got my trainers on over my tights, under a full length velvet skirt and realised that I really ought to put on an aerobic bra (oh yes I was sensible so top whipped off wearing two bras on went out into the estate (lived in greenbelt) with iPod and had a lovely time on a warm summer night running about through fields with just the moon for lighting singing along with wild abandon feeling like bloody wonder woman (90 plus acres so I knew no one was there). I thought I'd have a little sit down after a while and promptly fell asleep to be found by one of the estate workers with his dog in the early hours. I think I must have given him a bit of a shock as he must have thought I had done away with myself. I got up with a jolt, hair a mess, dirty velvet skirt and muddy trainers. At first I acted like it was a new fitness regime with no chance of carrying it off when I look back but most importantly we agreed that this would never be spoken about and it hasn't been to my knowledge. I've since moved several times

I didn't get the promotion until I had spent another 5 months doing the extra hard graft as I think ex-boss was worried but the episode did give me a love of running. Just now I'm suffering from SPD though so I can't but I shall get back to it.

Ah Hecate, one of the upsides to getting old is the all many memories of drunken one-night-stands disappearing due to synapse deterioration.

I look forward to extreme old age, in that case, omaoma

At a friends wedding I got slightly carried away with the dancing and decided to re-enact a scene from coyote ugly on the bar.

The bar was a trestle table.

I prob weighed about eleven stone at the time although would love to weigh that now

Approx £100 worth of alcohol had to be mopped off the floor

I still got a round of applause though!!

Howling with laughter at this thread

Not entirely sure where to start...

Probably the high point or low point depending on perspective was when I pulled my flatmates boyfriends mate after they came over for dinner. Apparently I got up out of bed and then went for a wee in my work bag . I have no recollection whatsoever.

Going back home directly as the crow flies which involed climbing over a 6ft stone wall and a 10ft wire gate. I am 5ft tall. Not sure how I escaped serious injury.

Swimming in the Thames at Putney - the 2 week vomiting bug that followed meant that I didn't forget that in a hurry.

Pulling a mate of my sisters at her university ball. he carried my very heavy case for 2 miles while we walked from the bus drop off point to her house (I'd gone straight to the ball from the train station) before I realised I didn't in fact fancy him and pretended to go to sleep on the sofa.

Sure there are others... I may be back

Not very original- but quite a bit of inappropriate sexual activity in highly inappropriate places. It's a miracle I was never arrested.

Vomited into date's hands. Prior to that I had apparently leant across the table at the v posh restaurant he'd taken me to, tore open his shirt (buttons pinging) and snogged him. Had to phone the v nice/professional maitre'd the next morning to see if they'd found my glasses (nope :() and to check that there wasn't any sick anywhere in their restaurant

Also fell off the back of a London bus, or more accurately failed to mount it correctly as it was moving at the time. Quite surprised that one didn't kill me.

Sat on my horrible ex's feet while he was a asleep and pissed on them.

We were on holiday in Spain somewhere and he'd been particularly nasty to me that night. He woke up about 5am wondering why his feet were wet.

As there had been torrential rainstorms every night, I succesfully convinced him that the roof was leaking.

He called out the maintenance guy who had a seious job on explaining that, no, the roof is not leaking, because you're on the third floor of a five storey building.

The shame... That poor lady who had to clear the sheets away :(

Hilarious! just remembered another one - serenaded one of my mums neighbours (old house thankfully ) with a bad rendition of "oldest swinger in town" and told her that I didnt care what anyone said, women have the same rights as men and she should be able to sleep around without anyone talking about her - my mother nearly murdered me after that, very very strict catholics - my mum and the neighbour.

In my defence the neighbour was shagging half the local area but it wasnt supposed to be said out loud! lol

I lay on a dinner table at a wedding. Jane Horrocks was having her dinner ath the table. Me, laying down, chin in hands, my face about 5 inches from hers. I invited myself out with her and her family the next day.

I started a fight in a rough pub in South London. There was chair throwing. Punching. The lot.

I told a police person they were wrong. I asked for their name and number .

I haven't laughed so much in ages! My sides hurt!

Oh god. This is like therapy. I'm not a vomiter, thank god, but I am (was) a complete vandal and a sex pest when pissed. I have come on to so MANY horrified men. I feel like I should find them all and apologise.

These days I only drink in the privacy of my own home. Much safer!

I have:

Stolen a set of road works

Stolen a fridge freezer and walked it down the street (with assistance)

Fallen into a pile of discarded Chinese food in an alley

Walked down a local road convinced I was, in fact, in Iceland (country, not shop) and asked several strangers for directions to the ferry to get home.

My friend and i stayed at a hotel for a "spa break" It was xmas and the hotel had several parties and a wedding on. We attended them all,free bar in one and ignored the fact everyone was wondering whom the fuck we were (works do) we had a nice time at the wedding too,danced to our requests the dj played and ate a lovely buffet

Both my weddings have nearly been ruined by getting so drunk the night before.

Lap danced a Cheltenham college boy on a school mums night out.

Chased and wallapped a local chav who called me a slut.

Got into a car outside a club along with 6 friends,demanding to be taken to another club.It wasnt a cab but a poor man picking up his daughter.

Got so pissed at a wedding in June,that i slept on a chair for 3 hours.

Oh yeah,got kicked out of a club for "scratching" on the dj stand.

Sooooo many
One that sticks in the mind is from when I was a student. I went for a night out with the guys I lived with.... We got really drunk and thought it would be really funny to draw all over each other in marker.
Woke up next morning when the door bell flung it open to see a rather shocked looking UPS guy...looked down to see what he was staring at.
Friends had written 'Fuck me now!' across my boobs in thick black marker.
I now can't see a ups truck without blushing.
At least I have a vague recollection of my friend writing on me... Other housemate that morning woke up cocooned in police tape no idea where it came from or when it happened. was a good night

There are soooo many, but this is definitely the one of which I'm most ashamed.

I was 17, at a house party with my then boyfriend and about a dozen other friends. The party was at his mate's parents' big old house out in the sticks with a large river running alongside it (this is relevant).

I decided I needed a wee at the same time as everyone else, it seemed, so I went to use the outside loo only to find that this too was engaged. By then I was bursting, as well as pissed out of my skull, so I went round the back of the outbuildings and loo and had a wee in the bushes. In my infinite wisdom I decided to also change my tampon and knew the best thing to do with the used one was fling it in the river at the other side of the fence I was leaned on (minging, I know ).

I staggered back into the kitchen (complete with my muddy hands having washed them in a dirty puddle) where everyone else was waiting, just in time for the family cat to drag the used tampon through the catflap and drop it in the middle of the kitchen floor, to a stunned silence.

Turns out I'd got disorientated and the river was on the other side of the house.

DH and I went away for the weekend recently, only to discover that our children's school principal, deputy principal and librarian were staying at the same hotel for a church conference.
After an afternoon drinking champagne in the bar it seemed perfectly reasonable to confide in them, when I staggered into them in the lobby, about our "dirty weekend".
Oh yes I did.
The shame.