AIBU to ask you all to tell me whats the worst/funniest/most awful thing you have done whilst drunk?

[deburca]

Sorry but I need cheering up today and another post has some wonderful stories on this topic so I thought I would just ask everyone!

x

deb

Oh many. For shame.

When I was 18 after a particularly heavy night, I decided I was hungry but the takeaways were closed. So I solved the problem by jumping fully clothed into the river in town, determined to catch a duck, take it home and make it crispy aromatic. Unfortunately I nearly drowned instead

Or the morning I woke up after spending the night fast asleep in the flat cardboard boxes at the back of asda. Minus phone and purse but complete with knickers!

And the most humiliating would be falling asleep on the toilet in a pub, with trousers round ankles...and waking up to my brothers best mate (male) taking photos on his camera phone!! I still feel shame for that one now!

Oh and one more. Celebrating my mates hen party. It was 2am and pouring down with rain. I was outside on her grass for all neighbours to see, laughing hysterically and making 'rain angels' in the grass. I have no recollection of this at all. Unfortunately she has photographic evidence

stayformulledwine - it's always a happy moment to emerge from a drunken stupor and find your knickers are still on.

Shat on the 18th green on the championship course at St Andrews.

Never play dares when drunk)

tried working out how it was raining indoors...............was passed out in the bath and flat mate turned the shower on opps!

LFC has reminded me that I once shat in a hedge on the way home from a wedding. On our journey on holiday this year, dh piped up "Isn't that the hedge you had a shit in?"

I can also confirm you should never mix AD's with alcohol. they may result in you sitting on your dh's boss's knee telling him you wouldn't mind fucking him and you might later end up with said boss's wife looking after you while you puke into a pint glass

As a student I puked into the lap of my housemate who had OCD and made him puke for the first time in 9 years. My housemates thought it was great cos he was a weird freak

OTOH Dh got v v pissed one night. He had a nosebleed then spent the rest of the night insisting we complain to the manager about the guy in the loo trying to give him drugs...that turned out to be the toilet attendant asking if he needed any help (cos of the nosebleed)

Threw my bra at a poor guy doing karaoke.

Fell asleep on a pub sofa and woke up with my boots stuffed full of tartare sauce.

Threw up in a children's playground after getting overexcited on the swings.

I'm sure there are others but I've blanked them out . . .

If I focused for ten years straight I wouldn't be able to summon the incredibly well-suppressed memories of too many horribly drunk evenings.

But I can remember the morning after my work's Christmas party. When I crawled to Sainsbury's to buy food for my own party that evening, advanced towards the till, and was gripped by the cold horror I was about to vomit profusely.

So I did what any sensible drunk would do: I picked up a Bag for Life, vomited into it, and then scanned and paid for the bag. And casually carried my heavy bag of puke out to the car park.

shame

stayformulledwine - it's always a happy moment to emerge from a drunken stupor and find your knickers are still on

Its when they are on backwards that you start to worry :o

woke up on the dogs sofa in the garage, door wide open and a trail of handbag contents from front door to said garage resting place as I had clearly been rummaging for the keys to get in the front door. oh and a bruise the size of wales on my arm which kind friend later told me I got after falling down a full flight of stairs and into a fag machine at the bottom. no one could understand how I was not seriously injured.

I used to live in a flat with my best friend, her boyfriend and his best friend when I was about 17.
My best friend decided to buy a few bottles of aftershock. It was about 4 in the afternoon and her boyfriend worked in the shop downstairs, he popped up to say hi and said 'don't drink all the alcohol, wait for me to finish work' He came up half an hour later to 2 empty bottles of aftershock and me, my best friend and his best friend sitting in the living room half naked really really drunk

I've only ever been truly drunk twice.

Incident A.) I got up onto the bar surface and stripped naked to Kasabian's "Club Foot". I was just wearing my shoes and my necklace by the end of it.

Incident B.) I woke up at my friends house covered in blood and with everything aching. Couldn't remember a thing. Apparently my mates boyfriend had decided to surreptitiously slip some gin into every drink I had. While waiting outside for a taxi some other drunk girl comes up to me, calls me a slag for "chatting up" her boyfriend, and then stubs her cigarette out on my arm. I went fucking nuts. I came away with scrapes, bruises and a very bloody nose. I found out a week later that this girl had two black eyes, a broken nose, a concussion, a fractured wrist and ankle........

Not a proud moment. I still feel guilty even though she started it, and I've only drunk gin once more before realizing it REALLY sets me off and I need to avoid it. Oh, and I still have the scar on my arm from where she put out her cigarette. It got infected. My sympathy for the girl wanes every time I see it.

Seriously though - both incidents were totally out of character for me and I don't drink to excess any more.

Insignificant compared to most of these, but I threw up in the neighbours' sink after having drunk copious amounts of wine and cider.
Wouldn't have been too bad, but it was full of washing-up...DH saw me safely home, then went back and washed it all up

Last year my partner asked for a break, my dad had just died so I was on anti depressants. Went out after work for 1 drink, 6 hours later I was banging on his front door puking and crying begging him to take me back.
Punched him in the face, punched his friend in the face then started smashing stuff in the house (most of which was my stuf)
My step dad turned up to get me when my ex eventually got me out. I was sitting on the pavement crying and singing I will always love u

Got back together 2 months later for him to finish it again last month.
Me and my friend wrote cock in his grass with bleach on Friday night

My friend and I flooded a hotel in Barcelona, well room below us anyway. In our drunken state We decided the best way to stop the annoying dripping tap was to put a towel in sink. Oops.

We were woken at 8 am by an irate hotel manager because the people below us had got wet.
Then my friend set fire to the toaster an hour later at breakfast. Not sure we were his favourite guests.

Slept in my contact lenses on holiday, woke up, didn't notice because I was still bleary-eyed and pissed, put some more in over the top of the old ones and then, "Waaaaahhhhhhh! I've drunk myself blind - I have, I have!"

The night before I had stumbled out of bed to the bathroom, not realising that the layout of the holiday apartment was obviously different to my house and stepped off the (marble) stairs into space. Screamed, fell arse over tit, mate and the bloke she had pulled came running to see me in a crumpled heap legs over my head stark naked with everything on show due to my position.

The Christmas before I was standing on a chair trying to fix some decorations to the ceiling (after only TWO drinks) and it toppled, so I had to grab hold of the tree to break my fall. The phone rang and DD answered it and patiently explained that, "Mummy has fallen down the Christmas tree"

Totally not worthy to add to some of these truly glorious tales.

Even the 'all-you-can-drink nightclub in Jerusalem' incident where I ended up with some dodgy hostel bloke on the communal sofa even though I was there on holiday with my then-boyfriend.

Or the time my parents were visiting me at uni (they didn't visit often and didn't know where I lived) but I'd been paraletic the night before so my housemates couldn't wake me.
Mum, dad and younger brother and sister all stuck at the train station for over two hours, and when I finally arrived I was still wearing last night's clothes and had sick in my hair.

Oh the shame.

Slept in a multi-storey car park.
Slept in a gravel pit.
Fell out of my friend's car and so desperate for the loo that I ran straight into my front door and knocked myself clean out.
Got off with someone in a club who admitted he lived with his mum and was doing his A-levels. I was 35.
Had sex in my mate's back garden. On a red ant's nest. Words cannot describe.

My subconscious has blocked out some of the worst ones.

I am absolutely pmsl at some of these.

My pee at the side of an A road with my lily white arse in full view of everyone and catching my heel in a beerbottle so lily white arse was in full view of a fairly busy A road, tames in comparison to you lot.

Thanks for cheering me up.

I pee'd outside my front door because I thought it was the toilet...

That's a sad story Zoe88 BUT

"Me and my friend wrote cock in his grass with bleach on Friday night "

THAT gem is pure genius!

wow - ummm, words fail me.

Thanks demonata
Worst of it is we stole the bleach out of his kitchen because I still have a key. Thank god he was out

When at University I somehow had drunk sleepwalked naked to the bathroom and on the way back to my room had collapsed on the floor. My housemate heard the bump when I went down and came out and found me. She had to drag my limp naked body up another staircase back to my room and put me back into bed. I had no idea this had happened until I came down for breakfast and she went nuts about how awful I was.
I also once got into bed with her when she was recieiving oral sex (obviously I didn't realise this), she was also very drunk and just chatted with me. Then this boy appeared from under the quilt. Horror!
Oh and I once peed in an elevator at a railway station because they had closed the all toilets and I was bursting. Just kept pressing the buttons so it went up and down and noone could get in. It was one of those drunk wees that take about 5 minutes so I was very lucky to walk out with no one waiting for the lift and then disappear into the night.
There are loads more - mostly involving posh weddings

I got hammered & stayed at my friend's place in Edinburgh. Had to get the bus home the next day and as soon as it started moving, I realised I was going to be sick.

I had to open my own rucksack & vomit (profusely) into it. And then I had to sit on the bus for the next hour next to a guy who was looking at me in absolute disgust. No spare seats to slink off to and no stops until Glasgow.

Also the time I lost all my friends at New Year (again in Edinburgh!), but managed to hang onto the vodka bottle. Not sure what happened after that, but I have a vague recollection of peeing outside, being in a police car & sleeping in an alleyway. I woke up in a stranger's house on a camp bed. He had apparently rescued me from sleeping in -15 degrees cold, taken me home & put me to bed. Shocking.

Has no-one been in to tell you all off yet?

You're all laughing but you're binge drinking yourselves into an early grave. No wonder we Brits have a reputation as drunken trollops. If you can't have fun on a night out without being slaughtered and making a fool of yourself then you're a very sad little lady.

There.