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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fussy eaters!!

195 replies

skybluepearl · 27/11/2011 23:05

What do you do when fussy eaters come for tea?

My 8 year olds best friend hates everything I cook. And I mean everything - jacket potaotoe with cheese and salad, sausage cassarole, roast chicken, fish pie, spag bol, thi green curry etc. He's such a lovely lovely lovely child but a complete pain to feed.

I will take note of my own kids food dislikes if I can see they really hate something (swede for example) and up till now I have been just cooking our usual family meals - which he picks at then leaves (last visit he left the family meal completely - I then gave him beans on toast to keep him going).

So should I be cooking him a special meal for one or should I be giving my whole family pizza on the nights he visits (so we can all eat the same) or should I just continue as I am - offering my normal family meals to him? He does visit lots and i want him to feel welcolme. I also have to think about my own family though and would rather cook and eat something nice. Pizza is fine here and there but not all the time.

OP posts:
ErnesttheBavarian · 28/11/2011 09:07

I don't understand having another kid round so often for dinner. I really don't. But if said child really has to eat so often, just ask, what they would like to eat. If they say pizza, ask for 1 other suggestion. Then you only have to eat pizza once a fortnight, which is ok right? what's the problem with just asking before hand what they would like?

I do think giving youngish children thai free curry a bit odd. to say the least.

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 09:08

jacket potaotoe with cheese and salad, sausage cassarole, roast chicken, fish pie, spag bol, thi green curry etc

DS1 was very picky as a child so we biassed our menus that way (he would have starved rather than eaten, I do think people who have never had to deal with this have no idea what hard work they are).

But even my Rampant Omnivores wouldn't have eaten most of the OP's examples at 8 YO. Chicken and Spag Bol yes, the rest no. Anyway, as someone above said, kids come to play not to have dinner parties, just find out what the kid will eat and shovel that in.

LifeIsButtercream · 28/11/2011 09:21

jacket potaotoe with cheese and salad, sausage cassarole, roast chicken, fish pie, spag bol, thi green curry etc

  • my 2yr old eats all of those so I don't see how it would be unusual for 8yr olds not to - maybe I'm just being naive!

You're not a short order cook OP, and he will not starve to death/slip down the plughole at bathtime over one semi-eaten/un-eaten meal every few day/whenever he visits. Cook what you would normally be cooking, hell maybe one day he might try it and like it!

And wtf are 'pasta parcels'? Confused

ChristinedePizanne · 28/11/2011 09:32

Pasta parcels are tortellini.

I have a fussy eater. It's embarrassing and stressful. I wouldn't expect any parent who is feeding him to make him something different at all although I personally stick to failsafe foods when other kids come round like other people have said.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/11/2011 09:32

my ds2 had a friend like this and i used to try so hard but in vain, final straw came when he cried when the carrots were cut 'differently' from then on it was on the table, no comments and if he didn't eat it he went hungry. i just made a point of tellin his parent that he had not eaten anything and what had been on offer.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 28/11/2011 09:33

On playdates I tend to serve pasta bake, fishfingers or sausages with mash and peas, pasta with meatballs or sandwiches/buffet-style food. And always ask the parents beforehand if there is anything the kids don't like.

Never met a child who won't eat fishfingers or pasta with a plain tomato sauce and cheese on top!

AitchTwoOh · 28/11/2011 09:36

i would make pizza.

regarding the eat or starve thing, i heard a psychologist specialising in fussy eater explain that really you are asking a child to overcome a very sincere revulsion, it's just not possible for them to do that, regardless of how much they actually might like to. like, how would we all feel if we were offered a shit sandwich...?

valiumredhead · 28/11/2011 09:51

When a guest comes for tea I usually ask the mum what they will definitely eat and make that - IF they turn their nose up at that then so be it, they can eat at home.

ChristinedePizanne · 28/11/2011 09:52

you haven't met my DS then cheeseandmarmite :(

valiumredhead · 28/11/2011 09:55

Cheese Pasta with tomato sauce would be ds's idea of hell - he would be gagging all over the place Grin

valiumredhead · 28/11/2011 09:59

I don't understand the 'eat it or starve' attitude - you would never do that to an adult guest ( would you? Wink) and a child is still a guest in your home.

It's not up to me to parent other people's kids and as long as they are well behaved in my house I couldn't give a flying fuck if they are fussy eaters.

ChristinedePizanne · 28/11/2011 10:06

Does your DS know my DS valium? :o

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 10:07

my 2yr old eats all of those so I don't see how it would be unusual for 8yr olds not to - maybe I'm just being naive

Possibly - mine ate a wider variety at 2 than at 8, and their repertoire increased again in their tweens.

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 10:08

Mine wouldn't touch pasta with tomato sauce! Chips, however.....

valiumredhead · 28/11/2011 10:09

He LOATHES tomatoes but would quite happily tuck into a plate of salmon or any fish for that matter, even prawns.

I also hated tomatoes, the smell alone would make me heave but my taste buds changed about 5 years ago and now I LOVE them. How weird is that?! Not the small cherry ones but big fat Victoria plum ones and beef tomatoes mmmmmmmmm... Grin

AWimbaWay · 28/11/2011 10:14

My Dd1 is a terrible eater, she was fine until she got a nasty vomiting bug when she was about 2 yrs old and since then has refused most foods, she's nearly 6 now and has just started to improve over the last few months.

As for your question skybluepearl, I actually find it really embarrassing to have such a fussy daughter, I really do see it as a failure on my part. Because of this I'd be mortified if I thought hosts were having to fret and go out of their way to accommodate her fussiness. I always say cook and offer what you normally eat, if she doesn't eat it don't worry, perhaps offer a round of bread and I will give supper when she gets home.

StopRainingPlease · 28/11/2011 12:35

"I don't understand the 'eat it or starve' attitude - you would never do that to an adult guest ( would you? ) and a child is still a guest in your home."

If I had an adult guest as fussy as some of these examples (many foods offered, doesn't like any/carrots cut wrong/not the way my mum makes it), once would be enough - they wouldn't be asked back.

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 12:42

If I had an adult guest as fussy as some of these examples (many foods offered, doesn't like any/carrots cut wrong/not the way my mum makes it), once would be enough - they wouldn't be asked back

Or....

"Right everyone, sit down, Coq Au Vin with Poseyberry Jus coming up. Ah Lucinda, your Greggs sossidge roll is in the Microwave" :o

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 28/11/2011 12:51

Adults generally arent as fussy as children though are they?

I agree with only offering what you've cooked. I understand that this isnt the way forward when you have your own fussy child, but for a visitor, I wouldnt go to the fuss. Or maybe just a simple sandwich or something, rather than cooking a whole separate meal?

(another one here who is physically sick if I eat butter or peanuts Apart from that, I'm the least fussy person I know Grin)

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 28/11/2011 12:52

PS, my 14m old eats all those things (he LOVES curry of all kinds), I'll be back in 7 years to let you know how he eats as an 8 year old Grin

Likeaninjanow · 28/11/2011 12:56

So, for all those saying the'll only offer whatever they're having, what would you do if you DC had a friend with food allergies? I ask as my son has multiple allergies and, perhaps naively, hoped that he might still be able to go and eat at a friends house in the future (he's 4).

Would you just not invite him over? Sad Would you be open to me providing a list of what he can eat, or would it be better to just send a box of safe sandwiches etc with him?

Really interested to hear your views, as I don't want to offend anyone if he does ever get invited anywhere.

fedupwithdeployment · 28/11/2011 12:58

I had a friend bring her very nice polite 6 yo to lunch. I said, I'd do pizza (home made!), she said he didn't like it. I said - spag bol. No he doesn't like that. She suggested a cheese sandwich...

I found it all a bit odd. My oldest DS hates cheese, so it wasn't an issue when I made him eat soup (as did everyone else bar the cheese sandwich eater). what was interesting was that the fussy child loved my soda bread, which I would have thought might be controversial. Not my child, so I wasn't going to make an issue of it, but I would have insisted that mine try a little bit...

OhdearNigel · 28/11/2011 12:59

I would do the same as I would if an adult with a particular food requirement came to eat with us - we'd all have something that the person could eat. So if a vegetarian was amongst the diners we'd have a veggie dish. If someone can't eat nuts, we have a nut-free meal.
Can't see why this is an issue - it's not as if you're feeding this child every day, is it ? Why can't you just ask his mother what he would eat at home and cook that for everyone ?

twolittlemonkeys · 28/11/2011 13:00

My 4 failsafe options are:
Pizza, Fishfingers, Sausages (fairly plain ones) or Chicken Goujons. I know they're not exciting but most children will eat those 4 options. If you only cook it once in a while, where's the harm?
I have two fussy eaters. Yes it is embarrassing, yes I have tried everything, done all the 'right' things. Both ate a wide variety of foods/flavours until they were around 2 then gradually started refusing more and more. My 3 year old will go for a week without eating an evening meal rather than eating something he doesn't like/ like the idea of. He'll eat dry breakfast cereal in the morning, sandwiches, a yogurt and a banana at lunch and nothing in the evening if I'm cooking from scratch. I still serve up a wide variety of foods (always have done) but it will be untouched and despite there being no other option for dinner, they would rather go hungry than eat it.
5 year old is getting a little better at trying things now, but has Aspergers and is funny about food texture. Will not eat mashed potato, even as a baby he would spit it out and is not keen on anything with that kind of texture.

OhdearNigel · 28/11/2011 13:02

Another idea - maybe he just likes the taste of his Mum's cooking (I can follow the exact same recipe as my Mum yet the dishes will taste quite different). Could she not send him a packed dinner for you to reheat ? She is aware of his food issues, presumably she would be happy enough to do this ?