Fussy eaters!!

[skybluepearl]

What do you do when fussy eaters come for tea?

My 8 year olds best friend hates everything I cook. And I mean everything - jacket potaotoe with cheese and salad, sausage cassarole, roast chicken, fish pie, spag bol, thi green curry etc. He's such a lovely lovely lovely child but a complete pain to feed.

I will take note of my own kids food dislikes if I can see they really hate something (swede for example) and up till now I have been just cooking our usual family meals - which he picks at then leaves (last visit he left the family meal completely - I then gave him beans on toast to keep him going).

So should I be cooking him a special meal for one or should I be giving my whole family pizza on the nights he visits (so we can all eat the same) or should I just continue as I am - offering my normal family meals to him? He does visit lots and i want him to feel welcolme. I also have to think about my own family though and would rather cook and eat something nice. Pizza is fine here and there but not all the time.

Tough luck if he won't eat it. Missing one meal won't harm him. In fact, it might snap him out of it.

I was a fussy eater for two days. By the end of it I was so hungry that I ate whatever my mother put in front of me.

The rule for visiting children is simple, get your DC to ask and cook that.
Yes it will most likely be pizza, chicken nuggets or sausages.
They'll bolt half of it and race off and play.
"play dates" are not dinner parties.
I have a friend who somehow feels she's failed her mothers badge if she doesn't give us home made soup and a delicious casserole or roast dinner. Very kind of her, but very very .
DD1 and I will love the food, but DD2 will eat nothing and set off her DD2 ( who I suspect would also really prefer mother didn't bother).

You get spaghetti and meatballs followed by an ice block here.

These are your options, you can take them or leave them, not my problem.

I don't say anything either way. I say 'Dinner's ready!' and serve them food.

When they have reached their sitting still limit I say, 'all done? right, off you go then'

Eat/don't eat, I don't care.

I usually make something I know DS's friend will like, like macaroni and cheese or pizza, with carrots and dip or bananas or something.

It's irritating, but not a huge deal IMO.

Tell his mum, nicely, that he doesn't seem to like anything you cook for tea, so could she pick him up a bit early and skip the meal time. Stress the fact that the kids get on really well and you love having him around, but it's better all round if he goes home to eat.

After years of tearing my hair out in the UK with fussy eater (and we won't mention the 11yo who swore blind he wasn't veggie, demanded sausages, wolfed down a load then told me his mum would kill me for giving him meat ), I was so happy when I arrived in Oz and realised that playdates here run to a different time schedule. After school you provide a snack, kids play, and are picked up by 6 to go home for their dinner. It might sound strange but I had never realized that the reason I hated playdates so much was the stress of providing something nutritious and delicious that the kids would actually eat. Now it's not my problem so I can just enjoy the fact that the kids are having fun.

What troisgarcons said.

It's eat what you're given or starve in my house.

I love the 'eat what you're given or starve' brigade because it's clear you've never actually been given a child with eating problems/food phobias/whatever you want to call it.

One of mine is INCREDIBLY sensitive about food, yes its a pain in the bum, but she has survived to the age of 15 and is gradually widening her repertoire, but she would literally have starved herself than eat something she just couldnt.

It's not about being picky, its about being physically/mentally/emotionally unable to eat something.

'Pizza is fine here and there but not all the time'

So he visits all the time? Every day?
'This is my house, you will comply with my nutritional demands'
OK, do as you like and see what happens. He'll either eat, not eat and go home and stuff himself or stop coming round.
Or do what my Aspie does now and take a food stash if he's going into hostile territory. Fortunately most of his mates cope with his odd eating requirements, but then they are teenagers without an agenda or the need to be seen to be proper hosts. Which makes it easier all round.
If he wants to sit and eat a bowl of plain mash, or have his eggs fried but not scrambles, or eat his pancakes with nothing on them, his friends accept it without comment.
Because they are his friends.

'Will need to ask for more detail. I think it's quite hard for the mum as the family have different allergies/dislikes.'

It sounds like a family with more than just fussy eating issues.

My ds had one friend who would only eat either Pizza or fish fingers and chips

and another who I just used to end up giving toasted sandwiches to, thinking at least he won't be hungry.

I always feed them on their own together, so they could chat etc without anyone else there, rather than be shy etc with other folk about.

In the case of a playdate it is one meal and not my kid, so not my battle to fight.

Kids won't be harmed if they decide to skip a meal because they don't like it. I do it all the time, still here, haven't faded away.

I don't understand the angst about what kids eat on playdates. If DS hasn't eaten when I pick him up I feed him when we get home, problem solved.

I've always found this "eat it or starve" attitude rather heartless. If an adult went to a friend's house and were given a meal they didn't like and the friend said "well don't eat it then and you can just go hungry - I don't care", then you would think that incredibly rude and uncaring! I don't see why a child shouldn't be granted the same courtesy as an adult. Yes, of course you shouldn't be cooking several different meals at the whim of a child but some people seem to think that if you cater to a child's taste then you will automatically turn them into controlling, fussy-eating monsters and you will become chained to the oven! If my children refuse something that I know they like then yes, tough luck, eat it or don't as that's clearly just being awkward. But if they genuinely don't like a meal I've made then I will always get them something else very basic instead.

Though I don't mean that in the case of the OP - he is clearly a nightmare child to feed :) When DD's friends come over they get lowest common denominator food - pizza, fish fingers etc. and DH and I eat a 'proper' meal later. It's only once a fortnight. I find it helps if you don't put any effort into making the food and then it's not so annoying if they don't eat it.

Fish fingers, chips and peas.

Or pizza.

That is what I serve all children if they come for tea as they seem to be the only failsafe options although I never cook anyway and it's usually my dh who deals with teatime.

As Morloth says, not my dc, not my battle.

My dd is a fussy eater so when she goes to friends houses I give them a list of what she will eat, that way they can choose what they want to cook, and it isnt a hassle cookinh lots of meals.
It has worked well so far and I think the parents appreciate it. HTH.

If he is a fussy eater, he probably has issues with food and forcing it on him will make it worse. (speaking from experience). Think people need to understand that it is a psychological issue, and if a child was scared of bugs, you wouldn't put a dvd about insects on would you?

I'm a fussy eater and I don't think people that aren't really understand how scaring it is. Four of my clearest memories from my childhood were being faced with food I didn't like.

1. At my friends house being served spag bol - am now veggie as the texture of mince actually makes me throw up
2. Friends mum cooking jacket potatoes and then serving them with a weird mix of chinese vegetables instead of beans
3. My friends mum especialy buying veggie chips since my mum told her I didn't like meat. They were basically carrots and brocolli cut into sticks and baked. They were awfull and hard.
4. A friends health freak mum serving us salad with loads of tomatoes.

Every occasion all I remember about the particular visit is forcing the food down not to be rude. (These were aged 4-15!). All other mums just did the standard smiley faces/chips with pizza. In fact one of my favourite times was when a friends mum let us do a create your own pizza!

My dad is really fussy and many times I've seen him physically wretch when he's had to eat sandwiches with butter on.

If all he'll eat is pizza, you could make salad to go with it, but leave it in a bowl in the centre of the table for your family to take/him to pick bits out.

I understand that it might be a lot of effort, but I'd ask the little boy what he wants the day before and perhaps find a way to involve them in the cooking? Or if there's a tesco express on the way home from school you could pop in and get him to chose something? I know that I LOVE something one week, and would eat it every day, but literally couldn't think of anything worse the next day.

If you don't want to be put out letting him choose/ get involved in cooking, then don't invite him round. Please don't just make him eat what your having because as I said, it is extremely stressful for a child to have to be polite when he clearly has issues with food (like I did!) and you want him to remember the fun times at your house (I still wretch a bit when I see veggie 'chip' lady in the street!).

Can you have a buffet style meal so they can pick as and when they like? No pressure then - I mean kids aren't like adults who like the odd dinner party now and then surely

I don't understand the problem.

Unless he is at your house for dinner more than once a week, can you not just make pizza when he visits?

And to those saying, "Eat it or starve" - you have obviously never had a fussy eater or a child with food issues.

How would you feel if your DC went to a friend's house and came home starving?

DD went to a friend's recently and was invited to stay for dinner. It was not planned and DD didn't like what they were having (which, admittedly was sushi) so the mum made DD a cheese toastie.

It is not that you have to make a gourmet meal for one child, but tin of beans in a saucepan and a couple of bits of toast - not that much of a hardship to do every couple of weeks.

boschy wish I would of read your post first. thats basically what i was trying to say in a long winded way!!

if I have kids round I almost never feed them. They go home just before dinner time (17.30/18.00) and eat at home. If he's a pain to feed, then can't he go home before dinner time. Is this normal?

The rare times I do have kids here to eat, I only make 1 thing for everyone. Choices here are 1. Take it. 2. Leave it.

What I will provide, firstly to be safe, and secondly because it's dead easy are

1. pizza
2. spag bol
3. Bread and iffit

(iffit comes from pil - if we've got it, you can eat it). Basically just a buffet. Put big bowl of crisps, loaf of bread, selection of cheese and cold meats and raw veg (carrot sticks, peppers, toms etc) cold left overs, I think when kids can fill their plate with whatever they want they enjoy it and don't find it threatening. There's always something someone will like. Takes no effort or cooking.

We have bread and iffit most weeks, and it differs each time depending on what's in the fridge.

I like to make guests comfortable. That means checking with adult guests there are no specific dislikes etc and catering to it. The same should be extended to junior guests. Being a guest as a child can be hugely overwhelming, not necessarily wanting to speak up, feeling uncomfortable, starving (ad I used to be after school)...why would you want anyone to feel that? I wouldn't want it happening to dd. It is/would be my job to tackle eating issues, and would rather keep her home.

If it is an occasional visit just serve pizza, why not?

I eat most things, but hate sausage casserole and fish, they're not unusual dislikes. And for a child, perhaps Thai green curry is a bit much?

As I said I have a 5 yr old fussy dd, now at home I do a meal planner for teatimes and if dd doesnt eat it then she doesnt have anything else but I would rather give a list of what she will eat to her friends parents so I know she is eating, in fact they nearly always ask. If I didnt it would ruin the experience of going to a friends house and there is every chance she wouldnt want to do it again.

I'd retch at a buttery sandwich too!

We were allowed sausage and chips when we had visitors, a rare treat!

I tend to do a picnic type things.

One of my dd's friends is very difficult to feed, so by doing picnic bits including the few bits I know/hope he will eat along side everything else so they can just choose what they like.

"Can you have a buffet style meal so they can pick as and when they like? No pressure then - I mean kids aren't like adults who like the odd dinner party now and then surely"

We tried that with DD's fussy friend - about 10 different things on the table and there still wasn't anything she liked .