Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only want to look after my own children on strike day?

204 replies

emkana · 26/11/2011 11:12

I'm a sahm. I know one of my wohm friends was hoping I would offer to have her two on strike day - they are already coming round for"after school" that day but I just can't face having them for the whole day. I know with just my three it will be a fun relaxing day but with five, four of them girls who don't want to include ds who is the youngest it would be no fun at all. Is that horrible of me?

OP posts:
Cathycomehome · 26/11/2011 11:14

I think if she had no other option except lose a day's pay, I'd do it, to be honest, but of course it's entirely up to you.

GreatBallsOfFluff · 26/11/2011 11:15

YANBU I am a wohm mum and have asked my childminder to if she can have DD that day. There are a number of DD's friend's mums I could have asked but I wouldn't dare impose like that. If one of them offered on the other hand it would be different

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2011 11:17

It's not horrible if that's how you feel

I've got 2 coming round but they are my DS's actual friends...which is much simpler than looking after children that they perhaps wouldn't have chosen themselves to come round.

lemniscate · 26/11/2011 11:19

If she is the sort of good friend who would take your children for a day one weekend or offer to babysit so you and DP can go out in return, I think YABU, but if she is just taking advantage of you being a SAHM and would never help you out in the same way then I wouldn't feel too bad about saying no.

If in doubt (is it the first time she has asked for help) then offer to help I think, as that is how friendships work. However if she has form for all take and no give then she isn't really a true friend anyway so you shouldn't feel bad about saying no.

Appuskidu · 26/11/2011 13:30

Has she asked you to have them for the day?

theincredibequeenofwands · 26/11/2011 13:53

I think in a situation like this you may need to step up.

If she has other options then fair enough but if you're her only hope then I think you should just do it.

I work and am sooooo greatful when mates have stepped in during childcare problems.

Is what friends are for.

TheFidgetySheep · 26/11/2011 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicknamenotinuse · 26/11/2011 13:56

YADNBU, I'm a SAHM and I won't do it either.

tooearlymustdache · 26/11/2011 13:57

me either, if i wanted OPC at home during the day i'd be a childminder

2BoysTooLoud · 26/11/2011 13:58

I think you have to do what you feel up to.
5 children instead of 3 is a big ask- especially if you know there are going to be issues re your youngest being left out.
You are already helping out with the evening. She may have to ask someone else for the day.

MarieFromStMoritz · 26/11/2011 13:59

four of them girls who don't want to include ds who is the youngest

This would be enough reason for me to say no.

PenguinArmy · 26/11/2011 14:01

I agree with lemniscate. I'd do it if the offer was reciprocated one of their off days and set out the date before hand.

fastweb · 26/11/2011 14:02

I don't think you are unreasonable.

But I am jealous. I'd bite the hand off of anybody offering me free extra children for a day.

Add a couple of kids into the mix and I can sit back and MN while they amuse themsleves arguing about whose Yu Gi Oh collection is the bestest in the whole wide world.

but not to the extent that I get engrossed in a debate and forget to hurl food and drink at them occasionally

I was most disappointed nobody asked me at Halloween to take their kids when the teachers went on strike. And as a result was forced into unwilling Yu Gi Oh rule learning by the power of huffing, puffing and much flopping all over the house in a very gusty manner.

But as luck would have it there are rumbles that Dec will bring more strike days, so I am going to be more proactive and stalk working mums in the playground until one of them lends me their children.

MarieFromStMoritz · 26/11/2011 14:04

I don't understand your post at all, fastweb, but it's still made me laugh Grin

Sirzy · 26/11/2011 14:07

If you really don't want to then of course yanbu. But if she will lose a days money otherwise I would do it as long as I knew I wasnt taking on more than I could cope with!

MarieFromStMoritz · 26/11/2011 14:12

I would do it in a heartbeat, honestly I would help anybody out in this situation. However... the idea that my little boy would be excluded by 3 horrid older girls... nah, he would come first. I wouldn't do it.

2BoysTooLoud · 26/11/2011 14:13

I always find having extra children for a whole day eg 8-6 absolutely hellish. I do do it sometimes to help out a friend but it always costs me money while she is earning hers! What I mean is to keep sane I take them out to supermarket lunch etc. Otherwise it is too long -arguments/ bickering and me going stir crazy.

fastweb · 26/11/2011 14:13

I don't understand your post at all, fastweb

Oh dear, considering that I have been pondering the accuracy of

"more than one way to skin a...."

a) rabbit

b) cat

c) some other creature

I think we can now conclude my English has been utterly corrupted by emigration.

Working Women of Mumsnet, for the sake of my linguistic integrity you owe it to me to EasyJet your children to my corner of rural N.Italy on strike days. Own Yu Gi Oh deck optional (we have extras, in abundance)

Don't worry, I'll send them back.

eventually

Be a damn sight cheaper than saving up for one of those kids summer camps in the UK for DS. Have you seen the price of them ?

fastweb · 26/11/2011 14:13

I don't understand your post at all, fastweb

Oh dear, considering that I have been pondering the accuracy of

"more than one way to skin a...."

a) rabbit

b) cat

c) some other creature

I think we can now conclude my English has been utterly corrupted by emigration.

Working Women of Mumsnet, for the sake of my linguistic integrity you owe it to me to EasyJet your children to my corner of rural N.Italy on strike days. Own Yu Gi Oh deck optional (we have extras, in abundance)

Don't worry, I'll send them back.

eventually

Be a damn sight cheaper than saving up for one of those kids summer camps in the UK for DS. Have you seen the price of them ?

AurraSing · 26/11/2011 14:17

When all the children get on, having other people's children over can be a breeze. But when they argue a lot, or worse exclude one, it is such hard work. And the day can drag.

Off to google yu gi oh.

fastweb · 26/11/2011 14:21

Yu Gi Oh

Definition= bankrupsy and littered house

Sysmtoms= Cards of odd creatures being shoved between one's face and MN on screen with a demand that one expresses a prefence or an assumption of powers held by said odd looking creature. And Empty bank account.

Pro= Do not cause massive foot agony, swearing and writhing when padding around house in the dark. Unlike bastard Gormiti (a curse on their spiky plastic souls)

AurraSing · 26/11/2011 14:23

Yu gi oh seems best avoided.

cjbartlett · 26/11/2011 14:25

Just tell the parents you're planning on taking the kids to the cinema and to pizza hut so if they want to come you'll need £20 for each child
That'll put them off Grin

Appuskidu · 26/11/2011 14:28

Just tell the parents you're planning on taking the kids to the cinema and to pizza hut so if they want to come you'll need £20 for each child
That'll put them off grin

Yes-that's pretty much what I've done. Well, I've said we're going out for the day and I wouldn't go out and look after 5 kids alone-my 3 is stressful enough! That doesn't sound like a fun day off for me and I don't want to have to stay at home all day. Miserable and unhelpful-possibly though!?

Familydilemma · 26/11/2011 14:29

For me, it depends on whether it is assumed or expected. I am sahm but plenty of people helped me out when we had third child, even the ones stopping at two. If I knew I couldn't manage the extra children-like at the moment with little baby, I wouldn't offer. If I could I would. Never know when you'll be the one needing a favour. But you shouldn't feel obliged either. It would be a sad world if we only helped our people in exactly the same circumstances, but equally sad if offers of help given willingly were replaced by obligations. So no, op, yanbu.