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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only want to look after my own children on strike day?

204 replies

emkana · 26/11/2011 11:12

I'm a sahm. I know one of my wohm friends was hoping I would offer to have her two on strike day - they are already coming round for"after school" that day but I just can't face having them for the whole day. I know with just my three it will be a fun relaxing day but with five, four of them girls who don't want to include ds who is the youngest it would be no fun at all. Is that horrible of me?

OP posts:
Theas18 · 26/11/2011 21:42

THere are an awful lot of working parents who are going have the very devil of a day on strike day. I can almost hear the tears and rending of hair. It's not just a matter of loosing a days pay for many women, it could even lead to a disciplinary meeting.

Lots of employers have banned all taking of leave on that day and are requiring sick notes if anyone is ill.

I can see your view, up as a working parent if I was your "friend" I'd feel you were not behaving like one TBH. ASking for their expenses to be covered - pizza and cinema or what ever would be entirely reasonable.

I can only hope you never need a favour in an emergency from your friends.

(from the smug git who has to work and her schools are striking, but the kids are 12 and 15 so wont need "minding" - turn the clock back 5yrs to having kids of 13/10/7 and we are looking at a whole different ball game- I couldn't take leave- the strike puts extra pressure on my workplace. I'd be that mum tearing her hair out, or trying to keep three of them happy in the kitchen at work whilst doing a professional job under stress. )

Your choice but as I say your friend wont feel there is much to this "friendship" if you can't be a bit flexible when she's between a rock and a hard place.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/11/2011 21:51

Aren't parents allowed emergency parental leave? Admittedly it's unpaid.

Greythorne · 26/11/2011 21:51

Thea
Which employers have banned people from taking holiday days on the atrike day?

Greythorne · 26/11/2011 21:52

And which employers are stating that disciplinary proceedings will follow if people have to take leave due to schools being on strike?

fastweb · 26/11/2011 21:57

Lots of employers have banned all taking of leave on that day and are requiring sick notes if anyone is ill.

What do they want people to do ?

Break the law and leave small children home alone ?

OhCobblers · 26/11/2011 21:58

I don't understand - if you have the annual leave, surely you just take Wed as a day off??
I appreciate its not that straightforward for everyone but if you can do that, then you would and still get paid? (at least every organisation i've worked for works like that).

OhCobblers · 26/11/2011 21:59

sorry x posts.
which companies have banned holiday on this day?

1Catherine1 · 26/11/2011 22:00

I can see where you are coming from and personally for me whether you are being reasonable depends on how much of a good friend this person is.

I would do it for a friend as it is only a day. Like someone else suggested perhaps tell the other mother that you had planned to keep the kids entertained by taking them out (cinema, swimming, bowling etc) so they will need some money. Although, I guess you couldn't go far with 5 kids unless you drive a big car or get the bus/train.

If it is a casual acquaintance though then YANBU to say no.

MmeBucket · 26/11/2011 22:13

I am a SAHM, too. I end up having kids as a one-off a fair bit. Sometimes I do it for fun for my kids, sometimes I do it as a trade-off for babysitting, and once I did it for 5 ten hour days for money. However, the second anyone expected it from me, I know I would be suddenly busy. I'm a SAHM, not a child minder. If I wanted to be a CM, then that's what I'd be doing.

And I know I wouldn't be available if one of my DC's would be excluded from the group. Usually I have the friends of DS over, who tried to exclude DD at first, but DD has such a forceful personality they learned long ago that they just needed go give up and include her.

Xenia · 26/11/2011 22:14

Employers are doing a mixture of things and companies who provide emergency childcare will do very well. Employees in some cases can take a day's leave. In others work from home. In others pay someone to have their children. In some cases take children in to work. However it is not simple. Most people are employed by people with under 5 staff in the UK surprisingly and smaller businesses particularly those working very hard with Christmas orders cannot easily have that day with lost production.

I would be surprised if lots of employers had banned taking any holiday on that day. If they have key services to provide they may well have to let some staff be off and not others of course.

tyler80 · 26/11/2011 22:20

My employer has refused all annual leave requests for the 30th of November since the strikes were announced.

Xenia · 26/11/2011 22:43

One thing we really must ensure is that many many more men , fathers, take the day off than women. That will really prove women have made some progress and don't just work for pin money.

So just assume the father will have them as a starting point.

DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 26/11/2011 22:57

YY Xenia, DP gets so many Hmm faces when he has to turn down extra work etc because it is his time to have the DC. They cant understand why I don't take the time off. It pisses him off no end. I am worried it is getting in the way of his progression at work, but there is not much we can do about that at the moment.

Theas18 · 26/11/2011 23:12

NHS trusts for a start are not allowing exceptional leave to be taken.

tyler80 for instance....

I'm nominally my own boss but my partners would be mightily miffed if I tried to take that day off, as I say we expect to be very busy because of the strike.

EightiesChick · 26/11/2011 23:20

Don't feel obliged to do it. I say this as a WOHM myself. In your friend's shoes it would be nice if someone offered, but I would have no right to expect it. They'd be my kids therefore I have to take the inconvenience of a strike day on the chin, not just expect someone else to suck it up on my behalf because they happen not to be in paid work.

My DS's nursery is doing a holiday club that day. Perhaps she could look for something similar.

Original poster
emkana · 26/11/2011 23:22

Well we were chatting at school and she said "you still okay for Wednesday after school" and I said yes, not even thinking of the strike, and then she said "of course it will probably be strike day that day" and kind of left it hanging in the air, and it felt like she was waiting for me to say that I could have them all day, but I kind of just said "yeah" and nothing else

OP posts:
EightiesChick · 26/11/2011 23:22

Xenia good point about the fathers doing more of this. Why can't their dad take them for the day?

EightiesChick · 26/11/2011 23:25

Also, if she doesn't even have the guts to ask directly, then no, don't offer. Have a nice day with your own DC.

Awayinamangercooper · 26/11/2011 23:25

We are not allowed to take annual leave either.

Original poster
emkana · 26/11/2011 23:27

She's on her own.

I can't believe employers refusing to give annual leave for that day, FFs why??

OP posts:
Cadsuane · 26/11/2011 23:33

Yep, lots of employers saying no leave that wasn't booked before the strike date was announced, no sick leave without a sick note.
And no emergency parental leave because that is for unforceen emergencies and this does not classify as the date of the strike has been known for sometime.
Many employers are being resonable but if they say no they have the law on their side. (Friends have a small business and this was what ACAS told them)

EightiesChick · 26/11/2011 23:38

A lot of public sector employers want people to be forced either to work, or to strike and thus lose a day's pay and pension contributions, rather than take the 'easy' option of using leave. This is the case with mine: however, they only banned leave from being booked once the strike was finally confirmed. Having seen this coming a while back, I had booked the day off to cover myself and that has to be honoured. I'd advise anyone in this position to do the same when the first word of a subsequent strike day gets out - which looks very likely to happen.

However, that shouldn't apply for private sector workers who would not be on strike themselves, but it's just a question of caring for their school-age children.

OP - is the kids' father not in their lives at all, then? What about the holiday club option? It's what many people are having to do. Plus you did say she had leave but didn't want to 'waste' it - is that the case rather than her being banned from taking it?

blackeyedsusan · 26/11/2011 23:44

didn't want to "waste" annual leave? ouch.

Appuskidu · 26/11/2011 23:48

Have you heard that your DC's school is definitely shut on the 30th? Has she contacted you since then to make plans?

I think I'd have an important doctor's appointment for my youngest that day...

Greythorne · 26/11/2011 23:54

When I became a SAHM, one of the things that most shocked me was how much I would miss weekends. Suddenly, the rhythm of the week vanished...no more looking forward to Friday, winding down on Friday afternoon, going for a drink after work on a Friday as a treat, maybe getting a takeaway, compkete change of scene at the weekend. Every day as a SAHM blends. I miss weekends.

Maybe (and I mean this as a very serious suggestion) tell your friend this and ask her to have your DC for a whole Sat to free you up in exchange for you covering thw whole strike day.

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