AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

people only despise you when you make a point of drawing attention to yourself and your wealth.

if you have some spare cash please consider using it to buy a little humility, compassion and maybe some good manners.

Nope. It's a reference to her humble roots and being the child who done good, methinks. Her siblings possibly despise her because she highlights what they are still stuck in Grim Up North Land working int' mill and sleeping 6 to a bed.

I thought you could be describing me in some ways, but insofar as I disagree with you its all to do with politics, I believe I should pay more taxes (I too pay some at 50% it should be more given that i am in the top percentile of income) to make society more equal, more fair, more balanced and basically happier. If that means I also think that I should give to those less well off than I am well why not. I also think we should all work if we can but will never blame those who can't for some reason (including the fact that for many there just aren't jobs out there) nor those who chose not to so they can look after their children. And there should be a safety net for everyone, and that saftey net should help to eradicate poverty for everyone.

You don't deserve your lifestyle any more than I do, nor anymore than the many many people whi have not had the education, or downright luck to make it in todays society because in the end I mainly earn what i do because of a mixture of education and luck. And I am lucky to be very educated because I was lucky to be clever.

Oh to have a bed......

Its inverse snobbery. I also think there are a number of people out there on pretty decent salaries who winge about how badly off their are which skews the way these debates go.

My parents have a double income in the six figure range for most of their adult lives, a five bed house in one of the most affluent areas of the UK and winge about how badly off they are and that they can't afford a second home. They blame Thatcher

hildathebuilder you are trully the acceptable face of success on MN.

I'm afraid OP, will you will only avoid derision if you do it this way...

YABU

I have every right to find you loathsome.

I fecking hate working-class tories.

Just because you're working class, doesn't give you the right to moralise in an offensive way about the poor.

OP - because you post self indulgent shiteola like this

HTH

Anyway op, it's your DH who is providing. Not you

I'm glad I'm someone Fanjo!

yup leQ us too.
But I know for other people the pieces don't land as they did for us. Not everything is under our control.

(Another round of redundancies at Dh's work, he seems to have dodged it again. huurry for us, but an anxious xmas for others)

I'd be happy for your lack of redundancy SS but you didn't mention if you were northern.

I don't think anyone begrudges what you have - if people work hard and do well - then good for them - but it is the judgmental selfishness of your last comments that people despise - you struggled, and made it up the cliff of life, but are unwilling to reach down and lend a helping hand via your taxes to those still struggling for a foothold at the bottom of the cliff.

Not read the whole thread but I suspect you have spent too much time reading AIBU. Granted it's one of the more lively boards and tends to draw people into MN (it did me).

Any posting on AIBU where the OP is complaining about a money/work related situation invariably attracts a proportion of derision, sometimes deserved sometimes not. After all one persons idea of being skint is another persons idea of heaven. It's often all relative to what you are used to.

Spend some time on the other MN boards that are less inflammatory they often dish out good advice and are far less judgy imo. Posting on AIBU is red flag to a bull territory as I have found out before . If you are going to do it be prepared to have a thick skin or name change every so often.

«joyfully snurkles at the irony of the capitalist not being an Actual Capitalist»

Good For You!, however your post made you sound like the most narcissistic woman to graze mn.

I hope one day everyone will be equal no matter what piece of metal you drive or how many bricks your house is built with.

All these things are only possessions----they are not important!

I think it's great that you feel like you have succeed in life and wish you the best. x

So do you think that people who start in the same position as you now could better themselves in the same way now? I don't.

I am roughly in the same position as you but I actually support paying more tax. I don't want children to be at very rough poorly funded schools - I want them to be at well funded schools. I don't want young people to have to incur debt to get an education- i want it to be free. I don't want people to have to go abroad to earn money.
I think where you are and where I am is as much luck as anything - there are enough people who work hard etc who don't make it either through bad luck or not having the academic ability/skills needed or support needed or health etc who need help - and I want the state to pick up this slack where possible. I hate this notion of deserving and undeserving poor - so what if there are 40 year old slackers who haven't worked/taken opportunities - it doesn't mean that we should get rid of the opportunities and we also need to think of the children of the undeserving and redress the balance for them

I don't come from a rough northern town but I am really fucking rich.

4x4 - yes. But then I did live in the country (mud, snow and potholes) and now I live in the desert. (sand and potholes)

Big telly - yes. Well, biggish, anyway. But aren't they all these days?

Convertible car over 40 - yes. Not my fault. Husband on brink of embarrassing mid-life crisis.

Tiffany - yes. Also not my fault. Surprise gifts. I love them.

Twigs and Pebbley Shit - yes, definitely,I practically invented them. But that was in 2002. I'm so over it now.

Bet I'm richer than the lot of you..............

OP - you have proved your point. On the face of it, you have done well in life, but you are not going to get that message from AIBU. FWIW in my first thread I got told to f* off about 20 times in the first 4 posts, by people who had not actually read beyond the title??

i have a thread in mind to post when I have formulated the words which will probably break the MN f* off record, mainly by people who by their comments won?t appear to have actually read the post, but want to misunderstand it so they can have thier own rant.....

OP, I can see why you may have than impression. I dont think it is like that but I think sometimes certain threads can come across like that. I think many MNers will often avoid getting involved in threads once it has kicked off or is a subject that is likely to kick off. So it is easy to end up with a sligthly distorted (often voiced very strongly) perspective. MY advice to you is name change and just contribute to the threads that are less likely to agitate you. many of us have learned the hard way (virtual blood spilling for want of a better description) on threads like mother and baby parking, disabled parking spaces, greggs sausage, breast vs formula feeding the list goes on. We learn to avoid them like the plaque. Welcome.

I am afraid Fellatio you are offically what MN describes as nouveau.
There is no hope for you.

Well it seems that virtually everyone on here does despise the OP so therefore YANBU.

Thanks Posie

but I'm not Northern, I'm Irish, and there'd be no redundancies at all if the country hadn't been run into the ground and the EU/IMF calling the shots.

there are lots and lots of people who have done everything right, worked hard, made the right choices but are still having the bad luck of being caught up in a net not of their making.
silly to say your efforts are the only influence on your life chances.