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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

511 replies

theprodigaldaughter · 24/11/2011 11:47

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

OP posts:
oldenglishspangles · 24/11/2011 13:39

You have my attention TheRealTillyMinto....

FellatioNelson · 24/11/2011 13:39

'YABU

I have every right to find you loathsome.

I fecking hate working-class tories.

Just because you're working class, doesn't give you the right to moralise in an offensive way about the poor.'

That has just proved the OP's point somewhat Shagmund. I don't believe she 'moralised' about the poor at all in that post but hey, let's not get in the way of some good vitriol.

BupcakesandCunting · 24/11/2011 13:40

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:40

sinical has anyone said efffort is the only factor?

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themightyfandango · 24/11/2011 13:42

People don't 'better themselves' for all sorts of reasons. Often things that are out of their control. I suspect the people who choose to waste their life despite great opportunity are a very small minority.

Our household is higher tax paying but I would rather have it this way and have a decent society where there is education and medical treatment free at the point of delivery.

If you have money that's great, it gives you choice. I am considering an independent school for one of my DC but that is my choice and I would never wish to opt out of paying into the state pot. There in lies a slippery slope imo.

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:42

Surely I am the most newest nouveau here?

I got there by sheer luck though you understand.

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:45

themighty don't do it!!!!!

Once your DC are in independent school, you will have crossed a MN barrier that you can never recover from.
You will have to rename your DD Arraminta. You will have to keep her away from anyone working class....you're doomed I tell you.

tethersend · 24/11/2011 13:45

I think we should all better ourselves, everyone.

Society would probably not collapse or anything.

OhSuzanna · 24/11/2011 13:46

If you read the OP's post she's not actually bragging - just trying to. Paying some 40% tax and some 50% tax (I doubt she knows what she's talking about)
She hasn't said she has anything that 50% of Mumsnetters have:
nice house, car, private education.. so I don't really know what her point is.

Thumbwitch · 24/11/2011 13:46

YABU to call us guys.
YABU to be so up yourself that you think all MN users even care about people like you.
YABU to stay here if MN users make your blood boil.

YANBU to wonder what the hell you like, but you should possibly try and be less self-absorbed about it; and try for some humanity while you're at it.

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:46

I don't know tethers can the UK support that much twigs and pebbly shit?

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson · 24/11/2011 13:47

I am a Noove through and through. No denying it.

SinicalSal · 24/11/2011 13:47

the op wf anyone who doesn't acknowledge the role that circumstances play. It makes them feel superior

SparkleSoiree · 24/11/2011 13:48

Don't hate you. Just come to realise that everyone gets a slating at some point or other on here.

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themightyfandango · 24/11/2011 13:49

wordfactory Grin

DD is in fact DS. I will counsel his opinion on Arraminta. Tarquin may have to suffice.

upsylazy · 24/11/2011 13:49

OP, you talk about people having "the same start in life as you" in a very simplistic socio-demographic way. There are lots of people who may appear to have had the same start as you but may have no self esteem/confidence due to abuse or trauma as a child. Or they may have suffered from a mental health problem or spent years unable to work because they were having treatment for cancer or they may have had to flee from a violent partner and had to start from scratch or they spent 5 years nursing an elderly parent or they gave birth to a severely disabled child etc etc etc. Most of my friends are better off than me but I don't resent any of them because they've all worked hard for it. I came from a fairly working class background and was always told that it was common and bad manners to boast. You may have money but you seem to have little self awareness and a very inflated opinion of yourself.

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:51

lequeen your house is already too down market for my liking...what with them stairs in your kitchen and all.

And actually I ma the luckiest girl in the world. There I was in my sewer, living off rat droppings, when who do you think walked in? Bill Gates. I know, I couldn't believe it either. So he asks if he and Melinda can adopt me...

the rest is between me and my twigs and pebbly shit.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 24/11/2011 13:53

OP, did you go to sleep last night and wake up in 1989?

As lovely as it is to have a nice house, a nice car, be able to go on holiday every year and pay for your child's schooling, it's not actually that unusual in this day and age is it?
I personally haven't seen any bashing of the comfortably-off on MN, usually the opposite (lovely dig at the poor btw Hmm), but at the same time, social anger is usually targeted at those who own a string of buy-to-lets, three holiday homes, a stable of ponies and a Harrier jump jet.

I think you're a bit more normal than you'd like to think.

loopylou6 · 24/11/2011 13:53

Oh ffs, talk about a brag by stealth op, you need to get a grip you smug bint Hmm

rightlymoaningminnie · 24/11/2011 13:54

(I think that lady is still shivering by the wall)

fedupofnamechanging · 24/11/2011 13:56

OP, try being someone who gets free child care from their parents. Then you'll know the meaning of despised.

I do love how you felt the need to point out that your dh isn't a banker. See, even you acknowledge that it is 'acceptable' to dislike some people for their position in life.

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.