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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

511 replies

theprodigaldaughter · 24/11/2011 11:47

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 24/11/2011 13:00

I don't see the despising tbh.

Yes, there are threads that have a go at one sector or the other. But tbh there are these types of threads about ALL sectors at some point in time. I don't really think any section of society is more disliked than any other on MN.

And tbh if there is a poster who feels so against one group of people just because of them having more money, or even the reverse - then tbh they are not worth worrying over imo. Just ignore and move on.

seeker · 24/11/2011 13:00

"It is impossible to despise someone you've never met"

No it isn't!

SinicalSal · 24/11/2011 13:00

Oh dear LeQ do you desperatley hope your whole life won't turn on a sixpence? God, me too.

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealTillyMinto · 24/11/2011 13:01

I am astonishingly rich with no effort whatsoever. Anyone could do it

me too hully, i just turn a handle on a money pump!

OhSuzanna · 24/11/2011 13:02

Are you a journalist?

Capricorn76 · 24/11/2011 13:02

Haven't read the whole thread but what attention seeking boasting by stealth nonsense. You will find in life that there will always be some people that don't like what you're about no matter who you are or what you do. There will always be someone who dislikes your lifestyle whether you're rich or poor, BF, FF, SAHM, working mum etc. There are a million people registered on this site and as humans are not of hive mind mentality we all have different likes and dislikes.

Btw my DH is from a poor farming family. I came from a rough part of North East London and attended what was officially the worst school in the borough at the time. We both managed to get degrees. My DH earns 6 figures and I'm not far off that (when I'm working - on mat leave currently). I've never felt despised on here for that.

I actually dislike people who manage to drag themselves up then kick the ladder away from under them and blame poor people from their poverty. I will always acknowledge the fact that when I went to Uni it was free (I'm 34), that I was lucky to have parents who encouraged me, a couple of inspiring teachers, to have my entire education and healthcare paid for by other people taxes until I graduated. I'm aware that my success isn't simply down to me being awesome, it was a team effort.

LeQueen · 24/11/2011 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cameltoeinlycra · 24/11/2011 13:04

I don't despise you OP but maybe thats becasue I couldn't give a shit.

Pakdooik · 24/11/2011 13:04

Seeker OK. To revise - "It's impossible to despise someone you've never met and know nothing about."

Hulababy · 24/11/2011 13:05

I think often luck, or being in the right place at the right time, does play a huge part. Hard work does too, but the former is what can really make the difference.

And having some form of aspiration. The one think that really depressed me at times when I was teaching was the complete lack of aspiration some teenagers have. Really really sad.

Floggingmolly · 24/11/2011 13:05

Our circumstances are pretty similar to yours and I've never felt despised by anyone. Wouldn't expect to be as we are now, or if our circumstances were much, much worse. If I did feel any animosity from other people, I would probably put it down to having an abrasive personality rather than jealousy of any material things, tbh.

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 24/11/2011 13:07

I'd say there are lots of things about you people may not like but working hard, having a good job, being northern and private school wouldn't be why.

herethereandeverywhere · 24/11/2011 13:07

My story is very similar to yours OP, except my DD is too young to go to school yet and I'm not a SAHM. I read MN every day and have posted on here loads of times. I've never got the impression I'm despised, TBH I've never got the impression anyone is the slightest bit interested in how I grew up/make my money/ spend it.

It's precisely BECAUSE I'm from a poor Northern town/rough comp/working class background that I empathise with those who have less money or good fortune. I'd gladly pay more tax to ensure more of my peers led more productive lives. I AM, however, offended by the implication that "bettering oneself" involves making shedloads of cash and complaining about benefit scroungers though. Productive and happy lives can be and are led on the minimum wage and less. But it's bloody hard and I ADMIRE people who do it and I respect the choices they make, I don't conclude they've done nothing to better themselves Hmm.

I was going to offer to have a "Four Yorkshireman Off" to compete for poorest start but I see others have beaten me to it Grin. It's a pity that on the way "up" you appear to have lost all ability to empathise/understand.

Oh, one final question for the OP, you sound like the sort of person who would admire Nadine Dorries. Do you?

wordfactory · 24/11/2011 13:09

Hully I think being in the right place at the right time, recognising the fact and going for it are what make the difference.

And I guess that's where aspiration comes in. If you have a dream you're waiting for your moment, watching out for it and when it comes biy do you grab it.

nickelbabe · 24/11/2011 13:09

OP - have you got a spare few thousand pounds?
I really could do with a handout to pay the bills this month.

do you fancy investing in a business?
It's not failing per se, it's just going through a rough patch...
I can offer you a Bourbon biscuit in exchange for a £5000 investment (that should see me through!)

mycatsaysach · 24/11/2011 13:10

stealth bleat

AvonCallingBarksdale · 24/11/2011 13:10

OP I, too, have worked in the "city of London" - small world, isn't it Wink! However, I grew up in a posh southern town. Sadly I now have bugger all to show for that. Hey ho. On balance, though, you amuse me, but that's about it. Couldn't muster up the energy to despise you. HTH.

FunnysInTheGarden · 24/11/2011 13:10

lol, I read that and thought you were describing me, without the independent school bit. Then started to panic that everyone hated me and I didn't realise.

I think you'll find there are a lot of folk on MN in your position

higgle · 24/11/2011 13:13

OP, I'm sorry so many people on here are being so rude and dismissive. I think people like your and your DH who buck the statistics, work hard and get somewhere are to be applauded.

I came from a moderately affluent background, went to uni, made some good decisions and some bad ones and ended up about average for someone with my level of education. TBH I wish I 'd had the drive and determination that you seem to have had and if I met you I'd probably be the tiniest little bit envious.(but you would never guess)

I'm afraid on this site if you say anything at all about something that has made you happy or have a sense of achievement, from saving up for a very expensive handbag or having a wonderful home birth the harping, criticising and demonstrably envious brigade willl be along straight away "what? £1k for a handbag?" "Its alright for some" or just impolite unthought out comments that mean nothing.

I'm afraid that is just the way of the (MN) world.

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 24/11/2011 13:14

Well we have a great income here, but are soooooooooo shit with money that we're always broke. My neighbour who earns fuck all has a much nice house.Angry

saythatagain · 24/11/2011 13:16

I'm getting rather cold stood in front of this wall for m'shooting; where on earth has the poster popped to? Mmmm....

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2011 13:16

Posies..you are us!

OhSuzanna · 24/11/2011 13:17

Yawn

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2011 13:17

Aarggh the word "brigade" used to put down a group of people really makes my teeth itch