AIBU to wonder why you guys despise people like me?

[theprodigaldaughter]

I guess this is not so much an AIBU thread but more of a question why? I wasn't sure where to post it.

After observing this website for a few months I would like to ask you ladies a question.

Why do you despise people like me?

I suppose for starters I had better explain myself. My cards are on the table. I am in my 40's. I have a couple of kids. My husband has a very good job as did I until I gave it up a couple of years ago to raise my kids. We have financial security, we own a nice house and car and have a nice holiday every year. My kids go to private school. Without going into too much detail, he pays 40% tax, and a little bit at 50%. He is not a banker.

Prior to the flames that I envisage following the above, I'd also like to explain our backgrounds. Both myself and my husband come from a rough northern town. We went to poorly funded state schools which were really rough. We both left with very little. We then went to college and did a lot better and both then went to Uni. We left heavily in debt and got jobs at the time earning under 10K a year each. We both carried on studying and gaining post grad qualifications. We got married, moved and worked in the city of london, then moved abroad where we both worked 70 hours/ 6 days a week until I was 36, when we had our kids. We saved everything we could for our future.

Now I am back in the UK I find that we are despised for having a bit of money, our own house, a nice car and sending our kids to an independent school. According to the threads on this website we should pay more tax, donate any spare cash we have to schools for other peoples kids and basically give up the air we breathe for others benefit. Apparently we are a parasite on society and ungodly because someone else has less than us.

I am genuinely interested to know WHY someone who has dragged themselves out of the mud to better themselves is hated by our society. It seems that no one wants anyone to have anything, but is not prepared to work for it themselves. After reading the above, I ask a lot of you -what have you done to better yourselves? Have you moved away and made sacrifices? Have you constantly strived to improve your life? If the answer is no, then you cannot begrudge what we have.

I am all for helping those in need who are incapable of helping themselves. They should be our priority. But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves.

Rant over...sorry it is so long. It's just that the people on this site are making my blood boil.

FellatioNelson we need a name for our club........any ideas?

do you think my yacht is an allowable item? its v small......

Make way for the queen...

I don't think anyone thinks all your success is just down to luck and you have a duty to share it out, but it can be tiring when people think all their good luck is their own making - there is a difference, no outcome is that simple. People are lucky to be healthy (not talking about people that eat badly and don't exercise - obviously there is a luck/ responsibility mix there as well). You are lucky to have the DP/DH that is supportive without issues of their own making your life harder. Even your upbringing or innate ability to be resilient is in some ways lucky. I know it might be a bit abstract but what makes you who you are is not entirely in your control or to your credit, some is down to chance. It is fair enough to want credit for achievements but you are doing the same thing, simplifying, as the people you are accusing of thinking you don't deserve it. Both camps are as bad and short sighted as each other.

I am younger than you, but not doing badly in life or jealous - I can see, however, that there are times things could have gone so differently and can appreciate when things have gone well for me. If I wouldn't swap lives with someone then I find it hard to resent them and don't think your judgements of people and how they think is very kind. Don't you have any friends that you love who happen to be socio-economically different?

That really wasn't the OP I was expecting to read from that title.
I thought you were going to have lots of children and be on benefits.
You sound paranoid.
Lots of groups of people could feel disliked (not sure about 'despised') if they took some posts to heart: SAHMs, WOHMs, etc etc

even 'making excellent choices' is a matter of luck though.
Getting your degree in a certain subject/buying a house in a certain area at a certain time etc are choices whose success in some ways is dependent on outside factors.

Hard luck is a given. Anyone who is successful has done that, which is admirable. But there are more hard workers then there are successful people. So what causes the gap?

I didn't give a fuck about you, your lovely lovely life, the things you do or don't have or your financial CV. Since reading your bumptious and abrasive post: yes, I now rather despise you.

So I reverse the question:

Why do YOU despise those less fortunate than you??

Surely you can see that immodestly advertising your riches and splashing around some questionable views on 'the poor' isn't going to earn you a lot of supporters?

Least the OP's honest. I'm not sure what's worse- lacking empathy for those who have had a similar start in life but don't have, 'loads of money!' Or those whose 'empathy' sounds rather patronising, 'I am rich but at least try to understand the woes of the poor, whilst all the time admiring my expensive stuff and buying more expensive stuff to keep the poor in work!' Please!

Tilly I suspect boats and any sea faring vessels may be allowable. So long as they are called somehting like 'Penelope's Darling' and everyone aboard wears those funny deck shoes.

Absolutely not acceptable items include:

1. 4X4s
2. Covertible car unless over forty years old.
3. Large television.
4. Anyhting from Tiffany.
5. Twigs and pebbly shit.

I am from a "rough northern town"

I do not despise you. In fact I respect anybody who has become successful against all the odds. I hope for the same success for my DC.

However, your post confuses me. You don't sound happy. Are you waiting for somebody in RL to say "Well Done"?

IF people despise you (and I doubt that they actually do) it is probably more about this kind of statement: "But I begrudge a penny of my taxes going to anyone who had the same start in life as I did, but has done nothing to better themselves." than anything else.

Just because you are able to do something, it doesn't mean that other people are equally capabale of emulating it. Going by your age I would imagine you and your husband began to prosper mid 90s onwards - prosperous times, much easier to advance than now. Add to that not that everyone has the skills or personality to do that. It does take some intelligence, charisma, confidence and yes, luck, to pull yourself out of a hole. It also takes support which it sounds like you and your husband were able to give eachother.

Many people don't have any of that. My personal view is that you should think more about how fortunate you are that you have been blessed with the abilities you have that have taken you were you are and not take the view that if you can do it anyone should be able to, becuase that simply isn't the case.

hard WORK is a given, of course!
though hard luck is too but like hard work isn't a sure fire never fail path to a certain destination. it's not that simple

I think Sarahsidle has nail on head with 'Op, just remember, you are merely one post marital affair/redundancy/accident etc from your whole set up coming falling down!'

That is where the luck comes into it, or circumstance, or whatever you want to call it, and it is great that you and your dh are still together and working towards the same goals. How many women from your school/background have found a steady partner like that who has similar aspirations and has not fallen foul of ill health, redundancy, addiction, other women..?

Of course it's not all luck, but it helps!

For every social group on MN there is another group who will soundly despise them, a large section of MN just loves to hate and be angry at others, I think.

also, yes, I think the OP sounds enormously arrogant from that post

1. 4X4s not even if you are planning on buying a house in the country?
2. Covertible car unless over forty years old. [nods]
3. Large television. [nods - am buying a medium size tv off my personal trainer as DP & i are getting too old to see the picture, particular sub titles of foreign language, hope this is permitted]
4. Anyhting from Tiffany. [nods & revolts]
5. Twigs and pebbly shit. [quite so!]

Hard work is almost never enough alone.
But nor is luck.

meh

'even 'making excellent choices' is a matter of luck though.'

Yes, perhaps. But making really shite choices isn't.

It is impossible to despise someone you've never met, someone with whom your only contact has been through an anonymous internet forum. (I am actually a 903 year old, 3rd sex martian posting through sub-space using telepathic impulses).

I can, however, take issue in the views expressed in your post. These appear to be summarised as:-

1 Look at me, haven't I done well
2 Poor people - keep your hands off my money

Neither of these put you in a good light.

There is a lot of "luck" that isn't generally considereed luck. For example luck of the genes being born with particular natural talents or skills. Luck at being born into a family that supports you or raises you to have confidence, luck at being born with natural intelligence etc

I am astonishingly rich with no effort whatsoever. Anyone could do it.

i dont think you need luck so much, more the absence of the type of bad luck you never recover from.

some bad stuff is good for you. many sucessful people go through something bad when younger. i dont think they overcome it, more they are made by the experience.