To think Bro and SIL have strange priorities

[wearingjudgeypants]

I've name changed, as SIL has just started using MN and if she read this along with posts in my usual name, she'd definitely know who I was. I'd rather avoid family fireworks if I can.

I genuinely don't know if I'm being too harsh in my judgement, but I'll take the flack if I am.

SIL is currently 18 weeks pregnant, a much wanted baby (first pg ended in miscarriage). As my youngest DC is growing out of baby things such as highchair, baby toys, back carrier, bike seat etc, I asked DBro and SIL a couple of weeks ago whether they were likely to want any of these items. They explained that they were not planning for their baby to have any second hand equipment or clothing, as they want the fun of choosing things and want to ensure that the 'nursery' equipment all matches. I thought that was slightly PFB, but fair enough and clearly their choice.

This weekend we all had lunch together and my parents house and conversation turned to maternity leave and childcare. SIL explained that they had been looking round nurseries and childminders last week as she is planning to go back to work full time when baby is 6 weeks as they can't afford for her to be off work any longer.

Am I being too judgey in thinking that their newborn DC would benefit more from having his/her mum at home for a few more weeks rather than have money spent on brand new equipment for it to use. If IABU, that's okay, I'll keep my views to myself, but if not, is there a polite, subtle way to introduce this thought to DB and SIL?

Fire away Mumsnet...

Great post WhyAlwaysBoris.

There is enough here to give you away to SIL if she is reading, with or without the name-change.

Am sure they will change their mind about 2nd hand in the future but for now - are you thinking of having any more? What about you say to her them that you know they don't want your stuff but if they want it to say perhaps ebay and put the money towards something new for the baby then you wouldn't mind? I don't know but that way you would be helping them towards their goal.

Incidentally the going back to work thing after 6 weeks might well be the case, perhaps their mortgage is high? I couldn't do it but my cousin in the US had no choice as their mat leave doesn't extend.

I'm public sector & my maternity pay drops significantly after the first couple of months. I don't think you can make assumptions about it tbh.

Boris makes a really good point about why someone might not want to borrow stuff from a particular person.

I imagine sil has already been judging your parenting choices too if that makes you feel any better :)

Any news? None from me :( He's still in there!

I don't know of any nurseries locally who will accept newborn babies. They usually take them from 3 months only. And thank goodness for that.

Hi cat girl False alarm on Sunday went to hospital with regular, painful contractions & ended up getting admitted overnight due to raised blood pressure. Everything's fine now though. Nothing doing since I'm afraid :( Hope your little one is slightly more punctual (and less dramatic) than mine! :)

Stillsquiffy, what are you on about?! The only people spitting feathers are some other posters who are using all the energy to 'attack' me. And when did I say they should not have children?! I asked the question 'why bother having kids'
Why are you so bothered about the fact I find leaving a six week old baby sp wrong? How weird this place is when this kind of thinking is attacked. But thank God I don't think it is right.

How hilarious that people come on here and say I am this that and the other for thinking leaving a six week old is wrong. I am not spitting feathers love, I am laughing my head off.

Boris - where do you live? I have a few bits that I would love to give to someone who could do with them if you are interested x

its not your opinion runningwilde that is bothering people - it is your application of it, and the fact that you are having a go at posters for saying they are attacking you when you (if you read all of your posts) have done exactly that tp others.

a bit of self awareness is required

No one thinks that your opinions are 'wrong' running.
They think that you come across as arrogant, judgemental and unpleasant because of the way in which you choose to communicate. Your complete lack of self awareness my be amusing to some.

On the subject of the OP, I agree with your. Six weeks is v young to be left in a nursery but it would definitely be best not to comment. If you did want to help, offer your SIL support and she may decide to open to you a little more.

It is also true that in a lot of other countries (The States and various Asian countries), it is v normal for the mother to leave the baby in childcare (in Asia more commonly in the care of a relative when young). It may be hard for us to understand but it does not necessarily follow that it is wrong.

sorry- 'may' be amusing..

I'm happy to amuse you maple. Excellent!

Of course, the thread has been answered.
I'm due in a week and I don't have a cot.
You could always send it me instead of ebaying it.

Ooh nickel I was thinking about you only this morning thinking it can't be long now. What are your babay names? Tell me, go on, tell me. Good luck lovely girl!

(sorry for hijack)

haven't seen you for a while feel thought you'd namechanged or something!

if you look hard enough, you'll find my names
(Eleanor Katherine for a girl, James Graham for a boy)

Lovely! No, no name change, just took a bit of a break for a couple of months due to RL getting in the way.

RL?
blimey!

Feel a bit sorry for SIL having to go back f/t after 6 wks. That's got to suck