to say this to a child?

[MarieFromStMoritz]

OK, my DS is being regularly beaten up by a boy in his year. My DS is 6 years old and the other child is about the same. I have spoken to the teacher about it, and she spoke to the child. We thought that would be the end of it. However, my DS came home on Thursday and told us that not only had this child done it again, but he was getting other children to hit him, too. I asked DH where the teacher was, and he said that she was talking to some other children, so didn't see. He said he then went to speak to her but she was busy talking to other people, and then the bell went.

So, I have been seething about this all weekend. My DS is a delightful little boy and wants to be friends with everyone. I love him so much and cannot bear the thought of anybody hurting him.

So, this morning I asked DS to point out this child, which he did. I went over to the child with my DS so that he knew who I was. I bent down to the child's level, pointed my finger an inch from his face, and said: "if you ever hurt my son again, there will be trouble. Do you understand me?" The child's lip started quivering and he walked away.

I was stood in the playground for a while to keep an eye on things, and this child kept looking at me. It occurred to me afterwards that as I was wearing sunglasses, he could not see whether or not I was looking at him. He looked a bit intimidated and afterwards I felt quite bad.

My job is to protect my child, non? But why do I feel so bad? And WIBU? Thanks.

Soupdragon: You do not threaten a child
OP hardly threatened to punch the child's lights out. She told him that there would be consequences if he continued to hit her DC.

She bent down to his level, pointed her finger an inch from his face. How is that not a threat Seems fairly proud too she got his lip quivering. Nice.

YANBU. You are there to protect your child and you did.

I once found out the reason my lovely little boy (now an adult) was stealing money from my purse. It was to buy the school bully - a girl - aged 11 and very big for her age - her favourite chocolate bar - a Toffee Crisp. My son was 8 at the time, wore glasses, had asthma and was slightly built. He was too scared to go into school without this bar of chocolate for her ladyship.

I got escorted off the premises for taking a multipack of Toffee Crisps to the HQ of this protection racket - her desk - past the startled teachers and other pupils, stood over her, lined up the chocolate bars and shouted in her face
'I believe you like Toffee Crisps - WELL START EATING'.

She never so much as looked towards my son again and the school put a stop to her mafia activities as my actions had alerted them. I would do the same again - l had parents thanking me for months afterwards - saved a lot of children from being terrorised by this girl and her cronies and had l not been dragged away l would have force fed her every one- so there !

Off you go then - flame away.

Come on kitty, she admitted she was pointing in at his face and told him there would be 'trouble'. If she had zippy told him to leave her kid alone or she would be talking to his mum I'd be a bit cooler with it.

madam - I think my response to your story is different because she was 11, not 6

Also, had you tried telling the school before you did this?

Actually, the finger-in-the-face thing, I believe, could be construed as assault, as it is a threatening gesture designed to intimidate. I'm pretty sure that in the UK it would be treated as assault by the police if someone were to report that happening to them. Happy to be corrected but remember being that it could be called assault.

Obviously think YANBU btw. Well said Kitty - I agree she was stating facts not threatening.

Madam - had you given the school a chance to sort it out? You said your actions 'alerted them.'
If they don't know, what are they supposed to do?

And I can't believe the over-reactions on here. OP, are you seriously saying that a 6 year-old boy actually beats your son up in the playground and nothing is noticed or done?
Really?

Actually, the finger-in-the-face thing, I believe, could be construed as assault, as it is a threatening gesture designed to intimidate
You are joking?

PMS at "stating facts not threatening"

'I'm going to kick the shit out of you' is also stating a fact. Is that ok?

If my child was bent double and said their tummy was hurting through being punched, I wouldn't just wave next time I saw the teacher (whilst a helicopter was going overhead), I'd be there, making a formal appointment for their failure to discuss the protection of my child.

As others have said, if you had really really exhausted the school avenue (by which I don't mean waving at the teacher), then having a word with the parents might have been acceptable, but I think we all know why you didn't go down that route.

Oops, pressed Post too fast.

And many of you think it's okay to go up to a child you don't know, whose side you haven't heard, and threaten him with consequences? I'd love to see the reactions if it were your dc expecting 'consequences'...

OP said she didn't know many parents yet.
She will now...

As one who has intervened personally in the bullying of my DD (14) and who would do it again, I think UABU. The boys are only 6 and, as seeker said above, you can't believe what 6 yo's say, eg my DC used to say that no one played with them at that age. I'd drop them at school and other DC would be calling for them to play, so that was untrue. You should not have intimidated the other child on school premises, either and especially with sunglasses on. You did not pursue the matter long enough through school channels. This threatening was not your last resort (which it was for my DD as the school had really done loads, but DD was being threatened and hit with a big branch of a tree on the way home from school). YOu didn't really give the school a chance to sort the matter.

I know that the result has turned out how you want it, but if I were you I really wouldn't intervene like that again, especially with children of 6/7. That was far too intimidating.

"Assault consists of an act which is hostile that causes an individual to fear attack. The term 'battery' concerns the use of actual force where a physical assault has taken place (e.g. 'Assault and Battery').

Assaults which lead to Actual Bodily Harm carry a 5 year prison sentence. It's important to remember too that the term 'Assault' doesn't always mean that physical contact has been initiated or used; threatening behaviour, gestures or language can also constitute an assault."

Telling a person that if they continue to do something there will be consequences is not the same as threatening to kick their face in.

Thanks Soupy - no Kitty, I am not joking.

Jamie yes many many times. She had actually bullied my daughter (two years older than my son and one year below her) so much so that she had regularly feigned illness and begged me not to make her go to school. I'd just had enough at this point as it had been allegedly been dealt with then but still regular incidences were occuring over the years. Also we are talking in the eighties and they didnt have the procedures etc in place then that they have now and things got swept under the carpet a lot more.

Disgusted by the people saying this is okay, actually.

soupdragon verbal assault. And the sentence this boy will get for 'battery' (toward's OP's DC) is...?

Kitty, the whole point is that the OP is supposed to be the adult, a 6 year old is not legally or otherwise responsible, which is why the OP shouldn't be threatening him with 'trouble' (whatever that means to a small 6 year old boy).

Telling a six year old that there will be consequences without telling them what those will be is equal to threatening to hurt them TBH. What do you think the child imagined was going to happen when someone far far larger than they are bends down and behaves in an aggressive and threatening manner?

Nothing, Kitty because he is SIX FFS.

YesSoupDragon but that then escalates to a threat. If the facts you are stating are not threatening then you are just staing facts - as in - 'there will be consequences if you hit my son again' - you are not threatening.

How would you feel if you were in a pub and another woman was right up in your face pointing with her finger an inch from your face and telling you there'd be 'trouble'? I guess you wouldn't like it.