How do you manage emotionally if you receive no child support?

[hiddenhome]

So, I found out yesterday that I'll only be receiving £5 a week from ex partner for teenage son It's worthless, so I'll just give it to ds1 for pocket money.

We can manage financially (don't have lavish lifestyle) and I work, but that's not the point. I should be receiving a reasonable amount from ex partner for this child, which he wanted after all.

How do you stop feeling angry, bitter etc.? I don't want to keep thinking about this issue. I just want to get on with life. He doesn't see him that often. He tells ds1 that he's putting money into a savings plan for him, but pays for absolutely nothing that ds1 needs, doesn't even send presents or pocket money

What do you tell yourself to make the anger go away?

I would like to say though that my partner has a son who is 12 on Monday and he has always paid his ex 200.00 every month standing order and that is done off his own back no csa. He also travels to see him whenever he can, on a Sunday he calls his ex and organises days and times for the following week. He treats him well and loves him to bits as do I.
Just wanted to put it out there that some and I mean only a few are decent dads and that's why after six years together we now have a beautiful daughter of our own who is 21 weeks old. My ex could learn a thing or two from my partner.

northernwreck

Message for your ex - WTF should I pay for his son's school dinners? If you went on IS that is what would be happening.

One of my relatives was being paid maintenace 1 day late every month, her ex thought she would not notice and that he could eventually skip one.

The month he didn't pay, it happened to be December, she sent a fax to his office saying

"please can you send the maintenance of £x (very small amount) as I want our children to recieve presents this Xmas"

He was furious that she had embarassed him in front of his work colleagues who now knew how little he paid.

As adults his children have through choice nothing to do with him. He has grandchildren he has never met.

I agree there are good partners out there who support their DC even when non resident.

I'd like to ask them what makes them do it?

What makes them

...and what stops them?

Factors for:
Love for DC
Personal responsibility
Conscience
Wealth

Factors against:
Denial that withholding is hurting their DC
Anger at split
Hate for ex and punishment
Lack of funds
Belief that their need for money is greater than that of the other parent
It's a game avoiding paying?

I've highlighted the two, I think drive this, most commonly

The UK needs to look at countries like Australia, France, Denmark, Belgium, where shared parenting after separation of parents is increasingly common. Where I live in Belgium, it's the norm for children to continue to live with 2 parents, alternating usually weeks with mum and dad. Of course it's not practical when one parent moves away, it is also possible with a court order that a parent does not get custody when there has been violence against ex-partner or child(ren). But the result is there is the responsibility emotionally, physically and financially rests with both parents, far less arguing over maintenance. Mums AND dads in these circumstances tend to continue to work and full time or near enough full time. There is much more equality of income, which is why there is much less controversy over maintenance. There is one area where Belgium is miles ahead of the UK and that is in terms of child care, which would be a great hurdle to overcome if the UK eventually moves to shared parenting, it does enable both parents to continue to work full time in Belgium.

Toothbrushthief...my partner pays maintenance because obviously he loves his son and knows that he needs to support his ex whether they were together or not. She can call him if their son is playing up and he supports her also. He pays because he would be doing so if he lived there so why would he not just cos their split.
He adores his children even my older girl from an ex who is shit. He does anything for them and I wish there was more like him out there.

The system sucks, there should be something in place where dads or mums cant just walk away so easily.

Campaign thread

Finally got up the anger to do this after yet another pointless call to the CSA.