to be upset at racism accusation due to dd1's comment in town.

[PrincessScrumpy]

dd1 is 3 and said loudly "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face." The woman heard and said " nice to see you training her to be racist already!" I was really shocked. dd didn't mean offence it was an observation that her skin colour was the same as chocolate. She's only met a few people from other races due to us living in the West Country but I've always explained skin colour in the same way as hair and eye colour being different.

She did say it once before about Tiger Woods on TV but I decided to ignore it and not make an issue. dd now is asking what racist is and I don't think a 3yo needs to know - they don't see colour as a issue or feel superior etc. Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

Davsmum, we are only hearing on side of the story. How do we know the OP was going to say something to her dd? She didn't say anything the last time....

you say that the comment was not made maliciously, how do you know? how do you know what the victim knew or felt? do you know how much abuse that woman had suffered that day, week, whenever? you cannot tell whether someone is oversensitive to any given situation so don't dismiss other people's feelings.

I would tell someone off but telling someone off does not always mean a big old rant. it is possible to speak firmly without raising your voice. The victim was not rude to the child, she spoke to the mother.

I have no idea, Flatbread.
My comments are just based on what was reported by the OP and what I believe would be the 'right' thing to do.
If the OP did not see it as an opportunity to educate her child then thats unfortunate.

For all we know - the black woman who commented may have made her remark in a jokey way and the OP was being oversensitive ?
Perhaps you had to 'be there'

...............Maybe, just maybe the 'over sensitive' woman wanted to carry on with her day without being referred to by her skin colour................

Just a thought.

Creighton
I take your point,...but..
The woman is an adult - The child is 3 years old. Worth the benefit of the doubt really.
How intimidating could it really be ? The woman probably passed loads of people that day who were really racist - and she would never know it. Perhaps she decided to take out her pent up frustration and anger on the wrong person.?

We are all guessing now, I think...

No BabyBarrister, I am not saying your DS is a closet racist at all. I am sorry if it came across that way.

I do think media is quite invidious in portrayal of society and race, and it is tough to counteract its influence. As an aside, I had attended some gender lectures as a lark many eons ago. Really opened my eyes to how much of seemingly innocuous media presentation of women is actually sexual and demeaning. Even as a woman and an adult, I was still absorbing some of those messages subconsciously. How much worse for a child who is like a sponge and is just starting to make sense of the world around him/her?

Flatbread,..Yes, thats interesting. I also think we all have prejudices whether we admit it or not because of what we have 'absorbed'
I have heard people claim they are not sexist or prejudiced in any way - but you could actually pick out instances where they are just that !

I didn't realise how much I had absorbed from my parents until long after I had left home and started questioning why I thought some of the things I did. Thats why I always tell my children to question everything, even MY views, because you need more than one viewpoint to work out where you stand.

So true, Davsmum.

flatbread - you make interesting points about gender issues, etc., and of course it's good to be aware of them.
Of course, also, it's important to be aware of the dangers of DCs picking up dangerous beliefs or prejudices, and I understand that if your family and community are quite homogenous then you might feel particularly diligent about this - and probably rightly so.
But I think that there may also be a danger in assuming that a (very) small child has made a 'racist' remark when in fact the remark was simply inappropriate.
I also agree with posters suggesting that it's not constructive to go around calling people 'racist' - which is a strong and serious accusation - when it may be the case, for the simple reason that there are more constructive ways of 'educating' people/raising awareness. I know that sounds potentially patronising, but I still think it's far preferable to choosing to 'see' racism in every unfortunate remark, even when it's made by a 3yo.

may not* be the case

plumpdogpillionaire,

Exactly ! - well said.

why was that deleted?

MrSpoc

I have absolutely no idea - and am rather surprised at the deletion.

The post simply took issue with a previous contributor's comments about me but I didn't swear (which doesn't seem to be a problem on MN anyway) or make any particularly nasty points. It was disagreeing with her opinon.

I did, however, use the word "drivel" - perhaps that's not allowed? :)

I have obviously offended someone at MN HQ but as it's their website they are entitled to delete what they like - fair enough I suppose!

Can you say it again quickly and differently, Pendeen?
I'm really curious?
Who were you answering?

OK PlumpDogPillionaire ...
Dear MayaAngelCool, may I humbly take issue with your. no doubt thoughtful and sincere comment: " Pendeen, I suspect you read the first part of my post mentioning slavery, got all tetchy, skim-read the rest of it and so spectacularly missed the point. Nice work! " and say, no I didn't.

May I further suggest, in all humility, that you cinsider the effect of remarks such as that when expecting the Dear Reader to continue to peruse the remainder of your most excellent and erudite epistle?

... and to forgive one's execrable typing?

Admirable discretion, Pendeen,

what tosh. so one person brings up the wrongs form 100's ofv years ago (not our fault) and you get deleted.

Cencership gone mad.

As far as I remember, only 50 odd years ago, Rosa Parks was refused a seat in front of the bus, because she was black, sparking the civil rights movement.

I don't know what you mean about 'not our fault' - racial discrimination is well and alive today, and as some one said earlier 'if you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem'

I've unhidden this thread to see where we're up to.

I am staggered to see that people are still saying that the black woman was racist to speak to the OP as she did.

The child wasn't racist but the OP was negligent in not dealing with the issue there and then and apologising for the offence that the words caused. How on earth can anyone think that an apology wasn't called for?

There's an awful lot of casual racism around. It needs stopping.