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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset at racism accusation due to dd1's comment in town.

598 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 18/11/2011 09:59

dd1 is 3 and said loudly "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face." The woman heard and said " nice to see you training her to be racist already!" I was really shocked. dd didn't mean offence it was an observation that her skin colour was the same as chocolate. She's only met a few people from other races due to us living in the West Country but I've always explained skin colour in the same way as hair and eye colour being different.

She did say it once before about Tiger Woods on TV but I decided to ignore it and not make an issue. dd now is asking what racist is and I don't think a 3yo needs to know - they don't see colour as a issue or feel superior etc. Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

OP posts:

mynewpassion · 18/11/2011 19:45

piglet -- I don't know if you are being stupid or just contrary. From your last post, you don't seem to understand racism at all. Here's the definition of racism from dictionary.com:

racism
noun
1.
a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2.
a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3.
hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

The OP did initially ignore the first incident. Now, she will longer ignore it. Good for her.

tethersend · 18/11/2011 19:48

If it wasn't so unutterably horrifying, I would find it hilarious that poor flatbread has had to find a definition in order to prove that 'chocolate face' is a racist term.

I mean, what the actual fuck? Really? Is that where we are?

slavetofilofax · 18/11/2011 19:48

She could have given the child the benefit of the doubt, given that she is only three.

At the very least she could have given the OP the chance to deal with it herself before she started making her accusations of racism.

Whether some people use the term in a racist way or not, lots of other people use the term in a non racist way. The lady should have waited to find out which it was, and kept her false accusations in her head.

Hullygully · 18/11/2011 19:50

lots of other people use the term in a non racist way

can we have one example?

tethersend · 18/11/2011 19:51

"lots of other people use the term in a non racist way"

That's just it. There isn't really a 'non racist way'. Even a 3 year old who doesn't understand what she is saying is still saying a racist comment, albeit unwittingly. Just because she's not racist, doesn't mean that the comment isn't.

virgiltracey · 18/11/2011 19:59

The comment is not racist if used in a descriptive way by a three year old. That's just ridiculous.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 18/11/2011 19:59

Woman sounds like an idiot TBH

To avoid this in future only give your child milky bars

virgiltracey · 18/11/2011 20:00

She is THREE!!!! She said "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face" she didn't shout "Chocolate face!" or use it aggressively or nastily. She is THREE!!!

MayaAngelCool · 18/11/2011 20:05

Does anyone here know what racism the woman in question has actually experienced? I have twice had young children say racially offensive things to me which they obviously picked up from adults around them. If she has had other such experiences then no, she wasn't being oversensitive. She was wrong, but not oversensitive.

tethersend · 18/11/2011 20:05

Yes, the comment is racist.

The three year old isn't, but the comment is.

It's simple semiotics- the intention does not change what the phrase signifies.

virgiltracey · 18/11/2011 20:09

do you think the comment would be racist if she'd said "look mummy that lady has a brown face?"

Its descriptive (for a child of that age). Its not racist. My nephew used to call anything yellow sunshine.

MayaAngelCool · 18/11/2011 20:13

Why do some posters here think the woman was making sweeping generalisations about all white people? She made a very specific statement about the OP.

JanetPlanet · 18/11/2011 20:15

I started reading this thread earlier today before taking my two year old ds out to the museum. He saw a photo of a black child in the museum and said 'look mummy, he's got a chocolate face!'. There is no way he had heard this anywhere before and obviously it was very innocent. I was so glad it was a photo and not a rl person and I had the chance to explain to him how this was wrong and bad thing to say. Any advice on how to deal with this issue would be greatly appreciated.

slavetofilofax · 18/11/2011 20:15

Of the top of my head I can think of a post on this thread where someone has said that they have read in dating ads people refering to themselves as chocolate coloured, and others where their own children have said simelar things about people who have laughed and explained it themselves.

slavetofilofax · 18/11/2011 20:16

She made a very specific statement about the OP.

Yes, and she was wrong, and rude.

boohoohoo · 18/11/2011 20:21

I wonder how many times that woman has had to listen to people likening her face to chocolate? She probably gets a little tired of sweet little ones comparing her to chocolate.

FannyFifer · 18/11/2011 20:23

My friend describe her own skin colour as chocolate, because that's a good description of the colour.

A 3 year old being descriptive is not racist.

She saw a lady who was the same colour as chocolate, it's interesting to children.

Very different seeing different races on TV than in real life, especially for a toddler.

flatbread · 18/11/2011 20:24

I had the chance to explain to him how this was wrong and bad thing to say. Any advice on how to deal with this issue would be greatly appreciated

Janet, you have already dealt with the issue. If OP had done the same when her dd said it about Woods, she probably wouldn't need to post in AIBU now.

JanetPlanet · 18/11/2011 20:25

When dh and I were in Japan, children would stare at us with their jaws practically on the floor. Racist little bastards

MayaAngelCool · 18/11/2011 20:25

Filofax, how have you dealt with racist abuse directed at you from adults and children?

KRITIQ · 18/11/2011 20:30

Here folks, have a look at this presentation. The guy makes some interesting points about how and why people become defensive if it is suggested something they've said or done might be racist. Seriously, it's worth watching. How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Discussing Race.

Jins · 18/11/2011 20:33

So we've moved to the black lady being offensive now?

Time to hide thread

tethersend · 18/11/2011 20:36

"do you think the comment would be racist if she'd said "look mummy that lady has a brown face?""

No, because the phrase 'brown face' does not signify the same as 'chocolate face'.

The phrase is racist.

tethersend · 18/11/2011 20:39

"A 3 year old being descriptive is not racist."

The three year old may not be racist, but they may use racist terminology inadvertently whilst being descriptive.

If the child had said 'poo face', would we be having the same discussion?

chipmonkey · 18/11/2011 20:40

flatbread

"How was she to know that dd had just 'invented' the term in innocent, childish wonder, rather than parroting it from a racist or ignorant family member?"

She was not to know. So she assumed. Which was wrong.

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