to be upset at racism accusation due to dd1's comment in town.

[PrincessScrumpy]

dd1 is 3 and said loudly "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face." The woman heard and said " nice to see you training her to be racist already!" I was really shocked. dd didn't mean offence it was an observation that her skin colour was the same as chocolate. She's only met a few people from other races due to us living in the West Country but I've always explained skin colour in the same way as hair and eye colour being different.

She did say it once before about Tiger Woods on TV but I decided to ignore it and not make an issue. dd now is asking what racist is and I don't think a 3yo needs to know - they don't see colour as a issue or feel superior etc. Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

Flatbread I can assure you that my DS (see earlier post) had never heard anyone using the word chocolate to describe skin colour and he came out with a very similar comment to the OPs. The OPs little girl is 3. At that age its purely observational just like if a child comments on my hair being red. If it came from a ten year old then that would be completely different and you would probably be right.

Piglet, I have also heard some african-descent people call each other n**r. That doesn't mean it is appropriate for others to use that term

flatbread describing themselves as chocolate, is not in the same league as the n word is downright horrible and has racist beginnings. Some Afro/carribean people prefer describing themselves as being chocolate coloured as opposed to black as its much nicer and more accurate (so I've heard).

As I said before my dd described wanting a black doll with a brown face and bobbly, puff ball hair. Pray tell where she is supposed to have picked that up from if not making a general observation however clumsy and potentially hurtful.

If black people want to call themselves the N-word or chocolate-coloured, that's fine. Same goes for caucasians, asians, other ethnicity, or creeds can describe themselves in whatever terms they want but if you are not of that race, ethnicity, or creed don't use those words or risk being called a racist.

This is my rule of thumb. Have served me well.

My white friend used to call my other friend Daz (as in the laundry powder) as she was so pale, would that be racist?

Flatbread, the 'like chocolate' thing from a small child could just as easily come from the fact that people who work with small children are always asking them what things are like.

You are peeling a potato, what does that feel like?
You are playing with playdough, what does it smell like? (I always put essence in my playdough)
We are about to eat an orange, can you think of other things that might be orange?

Children learn by making connections in their heads, and as lots of posters on this mammoth thread have already said, plenty of children have come out with simelar comments.

piglet -- well, was your friend offended by being called Daz? If so, yes. If she said no, then its fine.

It depends on the receiver also. If they are fine with you calling them the N-word or Daz or chocolate-coloured, then they have given you permission to use those terms in their company. However, this is not a blanket permission to use it whenever and wherever.

he did not call her to her face but behind her back, they don't like each other anyway, and she thinks that he is a bit weird.

Mrs. I don't find anything wrong about what your dd wants in her doll. But don't understand how you equate that with what OPs dd said. If your dd had said I want a n**r doll or even, I want a 'chocolate face' for my birthday then presumably you would tell her she should call it something more appropriate.

At least now people should acknowledge that the reaction of the lady in the store was not OTT. Chocolate face does seem to be slang with some pejorative connotations...

I don't think she would be very happy tbh as she is very self concious.

I don't see how I want a doll with a chocolate face is any worse than I want a doll with a brown face.It's how 3 year olds talk.

piglet -- I should've asked if name-caller friend was non-white? If she isn't, then its not racist, its just mean.

You should have said something to your friend who called your other friend Daz, especially knowing that she wouldn't like it.

By not saying anything, you agree with your friend's name calling.

I agree that its how 3-year-olds talk. However, its how parents react and teach their children that should be in discussion.

If you ignore it, you are enabling it. Kids learn from their parents and will continue to learn. Instilling right from wrong starts at a young age.

There seem to be some really horrible people on this thread.

Flatbread, i will not acknowledge that the lady was not OTT, because I still think she was OTT, too sensitive and extremely rude for accusing the OP of training her dd to be racist. If she couldn't just graciously wait for the OP to deal with it, she could have made her point without making strong false accusaions.

Yes he is white too, but not as white as my friend. He used to call her Daz legs when we were all at uni, and yes I used to have a giggle at it 13 years ago when we were young an immature, but not now.

the op has said she had no intention of ignoring it so could we not all move on please.It's getting boring and some posters are coming across as slightly hysterical and intent on labeling all and sundry racist as part of the great MNracismfest.

I did not see it as a racist thing, but a bit of banter and we are all white (me olive skinned), so did not see it as racist issue, but I guess if my friend had been Afro/Carribean that might have been different.

I realise that this is now way past this point but porcamiseria your "mate" has a very outdated view of football crowds if he thinks that kind of thing happens now. I doesn't.

Signed
Someone who has actually been to a match in the last 20 years

ds2 once came home from primary school and told me he had a new boy in his class whose skin looked like chocolate - in my opinion he was just telling me something he found interesting. I told him he should really call it black skin as that's what people who were that colour usually called it. He looked puzzled and said 'But it's not black it's brown'.

The boy ended up one of his best friends and the mum is also one of mine. They're Nigerian and I've been to parties where ds2 and I were the only white people. It took me a while to notice at first!

I think I've met the lady in question

LOL at Hully

Flatbread, i will not acknowledge that the lady was not OTT, because I still think she was OTT, too sensitive and extremely rude for accusing the OP of training her dd to be racist. If she couldn't just graciously wait for the OP to deal with it, she could have made her point without making strong false accusations

Did you read my post on the Urban dictionary definition of chocolate face? One of the definition is Another name for a nigger, coon, spook, jungle bunny, mooncricket, uncle tom, a blacky, or a jigaboo

Which part of these descriptions should the the lady have been 'gracious' about? How was she to know that dd had just 'invented' the term in innocent, childish wonder, rather than parroting it from a racist or ignorant family member?