to be upset at racism accusation due to dd1's comment in town.

[PrincessScrumpy]

dd1 is 3 and said loudly "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face." The woman heard and said " nice to see you training her to be racist already!" I was really shocked. dd didn't mean offence it was an observation that her skin colour was the same as chocolate. She's only met a few people from other races due to us living in the West Country but I've always explained skin colour in the same way as hair and eye colour being different.

She did say it once before about Tiger Woods on TV but I decided to ignore it and not make an issue. dd now is asking what racist is and I don't think a 3yo needs to know - they don't see colour as a issue or feel superior etc. Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

that's what I did

Trois,

The point is the world has moved on. We live in a multicultural society. Even if OP doesn't have neighbors and friends of different races, surely she can socialize her dd through different mediums?

Dolls of different races is a great way to explain differences and build a bond. (borrowing a doll for the weekend as mentioned further upthread doesn't count).

Showing movies/cartoons that depict people from different parts of the world

Picture books that deal with people of different races and families that have two mummies/ two daddies (gay families) and other things that a child should be socialized early on to accept as part of 'normal' and the rich tapestry of life.

The OP seems to have a very laid back attitude about this aspect of her child's awareness instead of actively encouraging her to learn and feel comfortable with different types of people

My gut instinct is that someone said 'chocolate face' about a black person and dd picked it up without understanding (could be from play groups or the OP's friends or family). It just seems an odd thing to say...

I haven't read the whole thread since its 16 pages long but my DS once said a very similar thing when he was four. He said "mummy why am I plain flavour and x (friend) is chocolate. Plain flavour is boring".

He was four, he was observing, he was not intending to be offensive and has a group of friends at school from diverse ethnic backgrounds. His three best friends are from Iraq, Pakistan and Spain.

A child of that age is simply noticing the world around them, not being offensive and I do not understand why it would be deemed offensive in that context/the context outlined by the OP.

Princess I think you're right re the making a big thing of it like swearing.

I do think if you went overboard a lot of 3 year olds would take great delight in continually doing it which is why I personally would have done the things I suggested later and just pointed out quietly at the time that my dd had freckles and we're all different (if given a chance)-but then what do I know,I'm ignorant..

Nobody is saying 'you should have gone overboard the first time'. They are saying it should have been picked up on.

I also actually don't believe that Tiger Woods could be the only black person a child would ever have seen. West country or not.

I do wonder if the OP would've ignored it again if the woman didn't call her a racist.

Princess, according to your version which I have no reason not to believe, you are getting a kicking here for no good reason. I don't really see that you did anything wrong, folk are just being contrary and looking for a ruck.

And as for going out of my way to educate my 3 yr old about different races, cultures or whatever, TBH I would probably just deal with it as and when it came up at such a young age. I'd probably have done the same with ignoring a one off swearing incident at that age, ignore it and see if it came up again and then deal with it.

'she did once say Tiger Woods has a chocolate face when she was two, and once when she was three she shouted it at a woman in town, but the woman didn't seem to mind, and I didn't think I should make a fuss. Now she is in year 1 and in trouble for saying the new boy has a chocolate face, AIBU to be very upset'?

She didn't say he was the only black person her dd had ever seen.

She said it was the first time her dd made the comment. When she was 2

I think now we can safely say that if it happens again princess will be on top of it.

Yes, but aren't Cbeebies, for example, quite hot on having black characters in lots of shows? So that children see it as normal, and don't shout CHOCOLATE FACE at people, I suppose!

Elaine her dd did not shout chocolate face at the woman, she was talking to her mum and commented that the woman had a chocolate face.

to her mum not the lady

she 'said loudly'. Not shouting at, I suppose, but speaking loudly and within earshot, is perhaps how I should have put it.

I'm not being mean, I'm concerned her daughter might try and take a bite out of someone's choccy face.

Even if she had shouted chocolate face at them I don't think it would be a total surprise that a 3yo might do that. Obviously she would then need to be corrected and have it explained that this is unacceptable, but toddlers make some very odd and often embarrassing observations due to their lack of inhibition, active imagination and newness to the world. At 2 my son had a lovely chat with a nice man and after ge had gone (thank god he had gone), ds turned to me with a happy smile and said fondly "bye bye fat, old man". I did the obvious "no ds that is not a nice thing to say about that man, he might have been upset if he had heard" etc etc. Ds told me layer he "thought he looked like the fat controller from Thomas". Anyway, point is children say silly things then you explain to them why they can't say that again. Which the op has now done.

Hmmm, interesting...

1. chocolate face Slang term for black people (chocolate faces like the white equvalent pasty faces) or a black person (chocolate face like the white equvalent pasty face.) Not to be viewed as a racist term, as it simply describes the person by describing the face; just as the word black would be used in formal english. Used frequentely in the Ali G Show by the characther Borat to describe black people.

Borat; what is the name of the man with the chocolate face who plays the cop in the films.
Cop; Eddie Murphy.

2. chocolate face Another name for a nigger, coon, spook, jungle bunny, mooncricket, uncle tom, a blacky, or a jigaboo the man with the chocolate face has been near since my moneys gone

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chocolate%20face

Jesus some really unpleasant posts on here.

It's a 3 year old folks a bit of perspective wouldn't go amiss.

Also just had a flashback of when my friends little brother met me for the first time (he was about 4) and shouted "oval face!" (fairly accurate I have quite a long face). I was a teenager and got all embarrassed and his mum took him aside and had a quick chat to him. For about 6 months everyone at school called me oval face.

I still think the three year old heard someone say that term in connection to a`black person and repeated it.

I have heard some Afro/carribean people describe themselves as being chocolate coloured, are they racist

Do you Flatbread,any reason why?

Elaine, I have not, in almost 40 years of living in the west country, ever seen racist comments shouted inthe street, by small children or otherwise. Please don't slur the population of whole areas of the country - it's terribly rude.

wash, there is no connotation with 'oval face'. According to the urban dictionary definition I noted above, there is a neutral or pejorative connotation with that term.

I would think the child picked up the term from someone and is using it innocently. But I would be highly surprised if she just made it up herself, given that it is an existing slang.

Who knows in what context she heard the term originally, but it would be prudent to teach her that it is not appropriate (unless op wants her to grow up to be like Borat)