to want to vent a few days after the actual event because my DD is distressed!

[LDNmummy]

I am seething!

Last Saturday DH's family all came over to see the baby and one of his aunts WITHOUT FUCKING ASKING ME IF I APPROVED (AND NO I FUCKING DON'T), took my six week old baby by the ankle and swung her upside down in mid air suddenly. APPARENTLY SHE HAD ALREADY DONE IT ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS OUT OF THE ROOM!

In our home country it is common with some families to do this as traditionally they think it makes the baby fearless and stretches their legs and strengthens them. In my family we would never do this and my entire family are outraged by it having been done to my DD. She was terrified and literally jumped out of her skin at the slightest thing for two days after. She still will not settle with anyone but me and cries if anyone but me handles her. She was a very happy and fearless baby before and anyone could hold her and she never fussed or cried. She didn't even cry when she recently had her first jab. Now if I leave the room for a minute or put her down, she cries. She is also comfort eating all the time.

It was so sudden and not gently done either! I am so angry because my happy and confident little baby has changed overnight. DH is angry too after seeing the effect it has had on DD and we have agreed that she is not to be left alone with his family.

This type of thing is an ongoing problem with his controlling family who keep pressurising me to raise our DD the way they think is best which includes doing things like that and letting her CIO as well as implementing a strict routine (things they wanted me to do from the moment she came home).

I am worried I am going to slap one of DH's family members in the face the next time they tell me how to parent our DD after this.

"But if you are not by nature a confrontative person, as the OP doesnt seem to be,"

Well - who is. But these were extraordinary circumstances. Never too late to go back to the bitch and give her a piece of her mind - just to be sure she comes nowhere near the baby again!!!

i see what you are saying, but from what the Op said about the family, they wont listen. I can sympathise, my ILs are like that!

Having a go will just prove, in their eyes, what a shit mother she is. Why play into their hands like that?

I imagine being dangled by one leg can lead to hip problems (dislocated joint, etc). That's why I would've rushed to doctor's to have it checked out. But then again I had hip problems as a child (it was innate, not caused by a crazed family member) so what was obvious to me did not have to be obvious to you I guess. Glad your DD is OK.

HATE all the aggression on this thread. not everyone would 'lose it' in these situations, and imo 'losing it' doesn't make you a better/more caring parent.

LDN definitely has a situation to deal with here, and she and her dh evidently have ground rules to apply and forcefully, but suggesting taking a six week old out of the lives of her grandparents and great aunts and uncles etc is not automatically the right thing.

i hope you, dd and dh get a way through this, LDN.

I agree aitch.

I would say there are very few situations in which 'losing it' would be seen as a positive thing

No, I'm not talking about about losing it.

But the one situation when woman are naturally very aggressive is when ANYONE hurts their babies. It's normal.

You don't let anyone hurt your babies - or guilt you into feeeling it's not OK to respond with aggression, and show who's in charge.

this is presumably an old lady you are talking about. i think you DO want LDN to have responded with aggression and i have no idea why. presumably she was shocked beyond belief and more concerned with attending to her crying child than going apeshit at an elderly woman and frightening her baby further.

LDN reacted the way I would, and have done. I'm not naturally confrontational, and my first reaction has always been to comfort my child first. It's only after the initial shock has worn off that I start to react to what has been done.

I do think a visit from the Police, with a firm warning from them with regards to future behaviour/actions, would be a positive course of action. Far more likely to have an impact than LDN going ballistic after the event. Particularly given the controlling nature of her IL's family.

Aitch - if she'd have responded with aggression - my opinion is that it would have been legitimate - during or after the incident. Hopefully once the baby had calmed down and passed across over to the DH. And I really don't care how old this woman is. Like I said earlier - if some bloke had swung the baby by the ankle people would have aggressively condemned him.

The way I see it the woman got away with it. There was no come back.

What do you mean 'got away with it'? Unless you think she is a serial offender and likely to snatch random babies off the street and swing them by their heels? It sounds like you want her punished - which would acheive what exactly. What was important was that the baby was made safe and comforted and that happened. And then it has to be prevented from happening again - which I am guessing will be the case.

That 'mummy tiger' thing makes me think of Peggy Mitchell

OrmIrian - don't know about serial offender - isn't one baby enough?

Don't YOU think she's accountable for assaulting the baby?

I do, but it's not our job to take the law into our own hands. That's what the Police are for. LDN screaming in her face is not going to change their attitude. Laying down of the law by a policeman might.

Precisely - the police are the first port of call.

totally agree... LDN going batshit would only confirm their negative opinion of her, whereas a visit from the police draws a clear line in the sane.

i really would do anything for my children, and am no shy, retiring creature, but me losing my head in a situation where someone is clearly either barking or malignant is only going to make things worse. I think LDN has to box clever here, she will realistically have a lifetime to spend with these people. (because judging by MN, husbands very, very rarely remain angry with their families for long).

In what manner a parent would confront a women in that situation I don't see as the issue. The issue is that NEITHER parent confronted her - in ANY manner whatsoever. I don't particularly think the answer is to turn this over to the police - and that would really cause family trouble wouldn't it - if that's the concern here.

The parents need to have a very frank and FIRM conversation with the perpetrator -and those who condone what she did. There seems to be a lot of avoidance going on..

isn't that what this entire OP and thread is about? that conversation is going to happen, the OP just wanted some support, not to be castigated some more for not being aggressive enough in response.

Woah. Hysteria.

I wouldn't call the police. I would explain to this woman how traumatic you and dd found this, how it was unacceptable. Then do not leave the baby alone with her or any of these crazy pepes ever again. Y

I doubt very much your baby is comfort eating and in deep trauma over this - though of course it was shocking and upsetting - babies fall off changing units and get squashed by dogs and toddlers and it doesn't affect them too much.

ou and your dp need to have a good, long, serious talk about his family and how to deal with them - or not deal with them. That's the real issue here.

Aitch - Well I hope the OP and her DH deal with the perpetrator directly themselves?

The OP talked in broad terms about protecting her baby in future, but she hasn't mentioned any plan to actually deal with the woman directly.

i think that given she took her dd to the gp she will hear from social services/police/whoever he/she passed info on to and they will have considerably more clout with these old rellies than she and her dh.

Are you saying that the OP and DH should say nothing to this woman, and just hope that the GP has dealt with this, and passed information onto social services and the police?

OP's DH has spoken to the mad rellies. With no effect. Aitch is right, they need a swift, sharp shock from someone with clout. IE the Police or social workers.

"Aitch is right, they need a swift, sharp shock from someone with clout. IE the Police or social workers."

Is that boxing clever though - if the OP has to spend a lifetime with these relatives?

How about the OP gets proactive and more empowered to deal with it face to face?

You're assuming that these are people who can be reasoned with though. Judging from what LDN has said, that's not going to happen.

the child was unhappy and complaining, the parent knew she had been swung roughly by one leg, the only course of action was to take her to the doctor. what the doctor does with that information will reflect the law in this country and our attitude to yanking babies by their legs, so yes, i think that is boxing clever.

obviously LDN can pass on that the doc said on no account was it to happen again, and can make that clear to the aunt and family, as well as not leaving them alone with her. i'm just not sure what an actual confrontation will achieve?