to want to vent a few days after the actual event because my DD is distressed!

[LDNmummy]

I am seething!

Last Saturday DH's family all came over to see the baby and one of his aunts WITHOUT FUCKING ASKING ME IF I APPROVED (AND NO I FUCKING DON'T), took my six week old baby by the ankle and swung her upside down in mid air suddenly. APPARENTLY SHE HAD ALREADY DONE IT ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS OUT OF THE ROOM!

In our home country it is common with some families to do this as traditionally they think it makes the baby fearless and stretches their legs and strengthens them. In my family we would never do this and my entire family are outraged by it having been done to my DD. She was terrified and literally jumped out of her skin at the slightest thing for two days after. She still will not settle with anyone but me and cries if anyone but me handles her. She was a very happy and fearless baby before and anyone could hold her and she never fussed or cried. She didn't even cry when she recently had her first jab. Now if I leave the room for a minute or put her down, she cries. She is also comfort eating all the time.

It was so sudden and not gently done either! I am so angry because my happy and confident little baby has changed overnight. DH is angry too after seeing the effect it has had on DD and we have agreed that she is not to be left alone with his family.

This type of thing is an ongoing problem with his controlling family who keep pressurising me to raise our DD the way they think is best which includes doing things like that and letting her CIO as well as implementing a strict routine (things they wanted me to do from the moment she came home).

I am worried I am going to slap one of DH's family members in the face the next time they tell me how to parent our DD after this.

'But I'd still be worried...more about them being upside down+ blood rushing to their heads! '
..but they are upside down in the womb??

why has your dd had to have jabs already? "never even cried when she had her first jab," and yet you say she is only six weeks old? Babies don't have their first jabs until 8 weeks, so are there other issues here?

I am not downplaying what the aunt did, she wouldn't come near my house again after that, but tbh I think it is unlikely that a six week old baby would be that severely traumatise after something like that - babies live in the here and now, and although can be upset at the time it's unlikely that she will have become scared of everyone else and unsettled as a result. IMO it's more likely that she may have A sustained an injury as a result of her experience, or B, there is something else that you've not mentioned but which relates to whatever injection it was she needed? Has she been ill?

"'But I'd still be worried...more about them being upside down+ blood rushing to their heads! '
..but they are upside down in the womb??"

I could be wrong spider and obviously I'm not an HCP, however, I would imagine being in the womb, cradled in by their mother's skin, tissue, organs and a whole lot of amniotic fluid is a bit different to being suddenly swung upside by one leg when there is no other support...

Hope all goes well LDNmummy. Hope your DD gets the all clear.
Whatever happens your husband has to have very strong words to his Aunt and family as to what is acceptable behaviour towards your DD. Upsetting though it might be they MUST play by your rules or not see their grandchild.
I don't think they can be left in the room on their own with DD or even hold her until you get an absolute assurance [that you believe] that they won't do this again.
Very good luck.

Fucking hell, that is absolutely hprrific. The poor thing, and poor you for having to witness it. I would involve the Police, you categorically do NOT shake or swing babies, especially not by their fucking feet.

I hope the examination goes well tomorrow and that she's sustained absolutely no physical damage. If there's as much as a scratch on her, get the Police involved.

What! Is the woman completely mad. My first thought was your DDs' hip. Hope everything is OK.

LDNmummy I saw this post last night and like you was shocked at what this woman had done to your baby. Hopefully you are at the Doctors now and will be back to let us know how things went. I hope all is ok with you and your baby and that the stupid inlaws never get the chance to do something like this again.

wanneBe I am no in UK so may be wrong but isn't the BCG given before six weeks? Or is that not given in UK anymore?
Also don't agree that babies can be traumatised. My little sister was let slip in the bath as a tiny baby and hated them for months after.

OP hope your dd is ok. If someone had done that to any of my babies I would gave fucking killed them although I would have had to get in line behind DH I imagine.

Hope your appt goes well.

LDNMummy I really hope for your baby's sake and yours that she hasn't been injured and that Aunt should be worried for her life if it turns out she is.

OP I hope you've managed to get your baby to a doctor. This is absolutely appalling behaviour by her aunt and it had been my baby I'd have knocked her in to the middle of the next millennium.

Give your baby loads of cuddles and don't let those people near her.

Hope all goes well at doctor

The aunt in question would never, ever, set foot over in my house ever again.

Hope your baby is OK.

Hello everyone and thank you for all the words of support.

I am taking her to see the GP in a couple of hours so she can be checked over. I have been thinking over how to handle DH's family in the future as I know this is not going to be the end of this issue.

Wannabe she had her BCG before six weeks as Fergie thought. Otherwise she has no other health issues that I am aware of and has shown no signs of discomfort in her day to day beyond hunger and tiredness before this. I also disagree with you that babies cannot be affected by a traumatic experience or shock for more than the here and now. As Stealth said earlier upthread, I should be aware of attributing everything to this one incident, but I disagree that this could not have had a lasting effect on my DD.

I will just be glad to get her checked over and hopefully find there is nothing wrong.

Just to be clear, my DD was in a seated position on her lap facing outward to the room. She grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her forward and up into the air so she was upside down. I know it was with one ankle because she used her other hand to bat me away and say I was making a big fuss when I dashed over to grab my DD. It was done so swiftly that I didn't see what she was going to do before she did it and there was force behind it, but not enough to describe as violent, just enough to do it in one swift motion like that.

2boys I can't trust them even if they reassure me because of their attitude to my concerns. Because they believe they are doing what is best, they will do it when they get the chance. I know because they have pretty much told me my opinion is not relevant. My DH tried to talk to his DM about it and she wouldn't accept what he was saying.

I think some children whose family live abroad have a jab for bcg and something else (hepatitus maybe?). OP I hope you got a dr's appointment for your dd.

I am utterly horrified and quite frankly would have decked the bloody woman! I would ban his family until they can understand that your wishes regarding treatment of your baby comes FIRST. What preposterous ideas some people do have. I don't really know how might be best to handle this OP but I just wanted to add my best wishes to the others here and I really hope all is ok with your LO.

She actually used her other hand to bat you away whilst saying you were making a big fuss? OMIGOD, words fail me.

LDNmummy what a horrible situation. It does sound like you can't trust DHs family and I hope he is being strong in supporting you and his DD and tough with his family.
Hope all goes well at the doctors.

LDNmummy, I really hope she's ok and you too, family or not I'd have been hard pressed not to call the police .

Bloody hell OP!

Is be worried she might have whiplash or something being yanked upside down quickly like that, I realy think I would have pinched the women

Hope she's OK, LDN.

LDNmummy after reading your last post, I would urge you even more to firstly ask the GP to take it further, and secondly to speak very seriously to your husband about how to handle his family in future.

I see from your posts that he is also upset by their behaviour - how does that translate into action, though? Will he be happy to stipulate alongside you that none of them get left alone with her? That criticisms and suggestions on your parenting will not be welcome, and that he'll make that clear as well as you? Will he back you up, in other words?

Bit worrying that he 'tried to talk to his DM about it and she wouldn't accept what he was saying' - err, no, that's not really the angle I would suggest. More 'You either back right off, accept that WE will be making parenting decisions and show some respect for my family OR you will not be welcome in our child's life.' That kind of thing. Along with - 'We have an appointment with the GP this morning to get DD checked out, as we suspect that Auntie ArrogantShithead's assault of her may have actually caused an injury. We'll let you know if there is likely to be any further action taken - sadly that'll be out of our hands'.

I think you also need to make it clear to your husband that there can be no blurring of lines here - they either keep to boundaries, or they are not welcome at all. What WON'T be the compromise is YOU getting to feel unhappy, bullied, and harassed - that way lies disaster for all of you.

Please keep us posted re your DD ldnmummy.