to think that working partners should do the odd night feed for SAHM's?

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

I actually don't mind doing all the night feeds - it's only 1, maybe 2 anyway.

My husband gets up early with the children as I do the night feeds so it works well for both of us.

However, I asked if he wanted to swap for a week or so, just so I can experience a full sleep - and he uttered the words every SAHM hates (well I do), "But I work!!!!!"

I swiftly told him never to utter that phrase in front of me again, cheeky sod, and I will continue to do the night feeds - truly not a problem.

Just wondered how do other MN'rs and partners work the dreaded night feeds? Early mornings?

Are you all missing that OP has had 30 unbroken nights sleep in 5 years? Of course her husband should help her. Why should he get all the good nights sleep?? Did women's emancipation miss many of the posters on this thread?

I would say it is only fair-at home you can catch up on sleep but you can't if you have to go to work.

It's not about feminism or emancipation though! If the woman works full time and the man stays at home full time, then I would expect him to do night wakings and domestic stuff.

Its not a gender issue at all. When I was home full time on maternity leave, I did the night times. You can always have a quick lie down on the sofa next day or even nap while your baby still has day time sleeps. You cant do that at work!

As DH left the house at 6.30am and got back at about 7pm when they were babies I wouldn't have expected him to-anyway with breastfeeding it wasn't an option and I never did manage expressing and they wouldn't take a bottle anyway.

Have a sleep in the day.

As the vast majority of SAHPs are women I think this is a women's rights issue as it disproportionately affects women. The OP is the only one doing night feeds at all. That is ridiculously unfair.

OP came back and said that her eldest is at school and that her dh does some housework and he does mornings. If you are tired you can nap in the day OP. Also try to simplify the meals, do bulk shopping and bulk cooking and have some nights eggs or jacket potatoes etc.
Use the time the baby sleeps to rest.

But i still don't understand why he doesn't do weekends .

Roman your comparisons are not very reasonable. Cms usually have more than 2 kids to look after so there is no break during the day plus they have to do certain things and meet certain criteria. As for nannies they usually work 10-12 hrs, have to follow expectations and routines, fill diaries and report to someone regarding their day, plus commuting, plus going home at 8pm and start cooking/cleaning.

I assume that the 'sleep during the day' brigade only have one child? What is the older child(ren) to do when sahp and baby are merrily catching up on all this lost sleep?

DD would have been in the knife drawer or running herself a bath, or perchance driving herself to nursery or music group or any of the other things she needed to be ferried to.

Op's eldest is at school.

I know but I thought we'd moved on to general discussion :)

Nope, sorry, YABU.

I wouldn't dream of asking DH except on the occasional friday or saturday night when he can lie in the next day.

Ah unless we had other children of course. If we were both working he would help.

Were the last few posters on this thread still awake because their DC had woken them or is it usual to stay up on MN past midnight?

If it's the latter, no wonder people are knackered.

Although, to be fair, most who posted late on weren't complaining about SAHM doing night feeds (sorry :( )
My point is, I sometimes went to bed not long after DC.
Really early when I was tired. I have a friend who is always complainig of exhaustion ( because of the DC). but know for a fact that she stays up on the computer, watching tv, DVDs until about 1am.

Yes, obviously once you have more than one child you cant necessarily get a nap time during the day. HOWEVER I would qualify that by saying that Many children from age 2/3 are attending playgroup or nursery school some of the time, and from 4 are in school. So you're not talking about swathes of time when a SAHP is looking after multiple pre schoolers and never getting a break because none or them have daytime naps or go to playgroup.

Secondly, even where you can't actually nap,it is entirely possible to stay in your pyjamas, base yourself in the lounge on the sofa with plenty of toys and a stairgate across the door to prevent escapees and have a relatively restful day. On my 2nd maternity leave when I was having very broken nights with my newborn and also had a toddler, I had a few days like that, when I was at my tiredest. It was fine. My toddler who was very active, coped perfectly well- I just made sure there were loads of games and toys around, interspersed with a bit of tv, and had snacks and nappy changing equipment to hand. It honestly didn't matter if we were all in pyjamas still at dinner time! You cannot do that if you work. Once I returned to work after maternity leave, I needed to be up, dressed, alert and smiling and out of the house by 7.30 to do the nursery drop- even after a night like that! Even a childminder, based at home, has to be up, dressed and ready to go- no parent is going to be impressed if they turn up and the childminder looks half asleep and answers the door in their dressing gown.

It is definitely easier if you are having broken nights to not have to work the next day; it just is! So why would I expect my husband to do that if I am at home?

As i said before, I think its entirely reasonable for the weekends to be shared. And once I returned to work (at 3 months with dc 1 and 6 months with dc 2 ) then we shared completely. But I would have felt ridiculous while I was home on maternity leave expecting dh to do half of the night wakings, housework or indeed anything else which it's easier to do while at home. And if he had been the one at home while I was working, it would have been vice versa. No gender discrimination- just plain old common sense .

Looks like it's a very split view! I do think it entirely depends on the whole family's personal circumstances as to whether it's reasonable. In the op's case I think it is reasonable that he gets helps out a little more. If dh and I were to swap roles I'd be happy to get up in the night two or three times a week whilst working full time but I actually find working a lot easier and dare I say some days a lot more enjoyable than being at home all day with a grumpy toddler who as it happens still wakes in the night some nights and doesn't nap in the day or let me lie on the sofa for a rest! I work part time and husband full time. I have an early riser who sometimes still wakes up in the night so I deal with that five or six out of seven nights a week. Dh most weeks gets one or two days off midweek when I'm at work and ds is at nursery to do what he pleases so he can catch up on sleep then. It works for us most of the time.

You can't compare a blanket thing of "SAHM is easier than working" or vice versa, because there are just too many variables either way. Maybe you can decide in your own family, and if everyone's happy, then that's fair. But you cannot possibly generalise that in every family where one adult is at home and the other works outside the home that one of them has the easier role.

A SAHP with one school age child who shares housework equally with their DP and whose DP pitches in with childcare when home probably has it easier, for example, than someone who has three under 5, is responsible for all housework, bearing in mind that there's going to be a lot created with 3 toddlers, and "on duty" at all times even when the DP is home. Obviously these are both extreme examples.

I think it's ridiculous to suddenly start doing more housework when you go on ML as well. Does your DP suddenly become less able to do it? It's supposed to be a rest for you in the last weeks of pregnancy and then recovering from the birth and looking after your newborn.

It seems there's this perception that housework is easy or light work and so the fact of doing it during the day doesn't matter. Although why it's suddenly classed as hard work when applied to someone in a breadwinner role I have no idea

I disagree that being a stay at home mum is the same as being a nanny or a childminder.

Not at all comparable and I have been both seperately... and both at the same time.. and worked full time (with big kids and little kids) they have all been utterly shattering but the SAHM was the least worrying as there was no one to judge how I was doing things, no one doing the job better, no risk of being fired or made redundant and no paperwork, deadlines etc. The only worry was that my DP may be fired or made redundant etc so I did the nightfeeds to ensure that didn't happen as he was in prime condition to work the next day.

The only worry was that my DP may be fired or made redundant etc so I did the nightfeeds to ensure that didn't happen as he was in prime condition to work the next day.
Yes agree!

It depends, really - If you have an older dc to do school runs with, even if you are SAHM, if your baby naps while you are on the school run (I'm looking at YOU, DS3) and not in between, then you DON'T have any chance to catch up on sleep. If it is just you and the baby, and you're not working, however - then a full week IBU. I WOULD however, expect one night off each weekend no matter what - and would kick up a stink if I didn't get it!

I am probably a bit UR about this today though - they are resurfacing the road right outside my house, at night, and I had a pneumatic drill right outside my bedroom window until after 4am last night/this morning, I have to be up at 6.30am, and DS3 slept this morning while I was dropping my older dc to school - has been awake all day, and will fall asleep in approximately 10 minutes when I leave the door. And I have another 3+ nights of this.

Thoguh I don't HAVE anyone to help me when I am tired - I am a Lone parent since Ex-P left when DS3 was 4mo.