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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset with wedding and wondering if friendship has future.

671 replies

IHeartKittensAndWine · 15/11/2011 21:36

Lifelong friend (school and university and beyond) to whom I have always been close and trusted (and I find it difficult to trust people) is getting married just before Christmas. When she set the date of the wedding DH and I changed the date of our flight for our Xmas holiday to make it (he is good buddies, but not as close to her husband to be).

I received the invitation a few days ago. She has invited us to the church bit and the mince pies and mulled wine bit directly after, which is given an hours slot on the invite. We have not been invited to the reception proper - I know this because a) I helped her choose the venue (as in I recommended it and she invited me on scouting trip up) and b) she put a handwritten note on the bottom of the invite - so sorry we can't include you due to numbers darlings but we wanted to give you an experience of a wedding in XXX beautiful English town anyway.

I have since discovered that every mutual friend is going to the reception. But what really grates that fucking note at the end of the invite. I know that city like the back of my hand and I don't need or desire the experience of a snowy wedding there because ... I've been to half a dozen weddings there which she has also been to BECAUSE IT WAS OUR UNIVERSITY TOWN. I wanted to celebrate her happy day with her and our other friends, not be treated like some needs to be accommodated gawper.

I feel patronised and humiliated. I can't tell if this is my depression talking. DH says I should give her a call and say, calmly, that it is patronising and we won't be going.

OP posts:
BreakOutTheKaraoke · 15/11/2011 22:12

So are you invited to all of it, reception included?

electricslide · 15/11/2011 22:12

So are you still only invited to the ceremony?

alarkaspree · 15/11/2011 22:13

What a bitch. Sorry Kittens.

SugarPustyBear · 15/11/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 15/11/2011 22:13

so she is apologising because it was the wrong note but she had intended you not to be invited

do a baroness - 2 fingers up and drop her. she's no friend

IneedAbetterNickname · 15/11/2011 22:13

YAY! So pleased for you! I can go to bed now :)

piratecat · 15/11/2011 22:13

i don't understand, that sounds like two answers?

her mum got it wrong and you are invited

or

she didn't want you showing up her wedding in front of her dh's boss??

wtaf.

i am confuzzed

IHeartKittensAndWine · 15/11/2011 22:13

Sorry I'm not making much sense. No pity invite. An apology. She explained that it was tight due to numbers and they needed to invite the boss and since I've found social gatherings so difficult lately...

OP posts:
TadlowDogIncident · 15/11/2011 22:13

Neither, she's definitely not invited.

Ditch her, OP: she's not worth it. In your shoes I wouldn't have a big showdown, just be unavailable in future, and make sure all your mutual friends know she didn't invite you to the reception because her DH's boss was more important.

Appuskidu · 15/11/2011 22:13

It's very important that her DH's senior partner and his wife can come. And she's noticed that I'm "a little awkward in company lately" (because I am very shy and suffering from depression, which she knows).

I'm confused! Is your DH her DH's senior parter? What's the fact that you are awkard in company lately got to do with it??

CailinDana · 15/11/2011 22:13

From what I can tell Kittens is still not invited but the fob off note was supposed to be different. Am I right?

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 15/11/2011 22:14

eh?

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 15/11/2011 22:14

So ... you've been friends with this woman for years and years and are really close but you don't recognise her handwriting?

pictish · 15/11/2011 22:14

Definitely a mistake!! That all sounds about right!

YES! Grin

God I will sleep easier for knowing that! Haha!

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 15/11/2011 22:14

Screw her then, get your holiday booked!

JamieComeHome · 15/11/2011 22:14

Hang on. I've totally got the wrong end of the stick

Senior partner has been invited instead of you, and she mentioned you seem depressed, just to rub it in

I'm so sorry. And sorry for being a thicko

toutlemonde · 15/11/2011 22:14

this thread is developing strangely - there's a rude note on the invite, what mistake could there be? I wouldn't ring, I wouldn't rsvp and I wouldn't go to the wedding.

MULLYPEEP · 15/11/2011 22:14

OMG, dont feel humiliated, she is a total BITCH!

RealityIsADistantMemory · 15/11/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 15/11/2011 22:15

Oh.

Ditch her then. Bitch.

TadlowDogIncident · 15/11/2011 22:15

Sorry, x-posted with everyone - my post was to thisisyesterday.

So sorry, OP. THat's a very hurtful way to be treated.

Catsdontcare · 15/11/2011 22:15

She sounds like an absolute arse.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/11/2011 22:15

Oh, I'm sorry. Waddacaaaaaaaah

ShirleyKnot · 15/11/2011 22:15

So. You're not invited to the reception?

Ah fuck her! Send a rely to the round robin email as someone else suggested and forget it.

(easier said than done. So sorry Sad )

mercibucket · 15/11/2011 22:15

So you are invited to the whole day? Or only to mince pies but she wrote the wrong note? Which is crap on many levels if that's the case

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