to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

What if I've just had my appendix out, and am in a lot of pain?

Are you advocating that partner should have the right to stay overnight on the surgical ward?

"I'm sure the woman in question is quite capable of deciding whether her partner is the supportive type or not."

Maybe you only deal in life with people who are reasonable and nice. I don't. I know that some women wouldn't have the "choice" if their partners were there or not. And if there were going to be other men sleeping on the ward they would insist on being there to control the women.

I also know women who would insist on their hopeless husbands being there for all kinds of reasons including to stop him going home and being unfaithful.

My DS was born about 12.30 a.m. and we were on the ward by 1.15. I stayed until just after 4.00 a.m. during which time I left the ward for the loo and came back - so that makes four journeys, as it happens the length of the ward, three of them on my own. I didn't bother anybody else and if my presence annoyed any of the other patients, with respect, too bad - DW wanted me there and I wanted to be there for her and to meet my son. Where do you draw the line?

If anyone tried to seperate us as a new family against our will I would leave.

Likewise if I found myself in an unsupportive, noisy or uncomfortable environment, I would leave and find a supportive, quiet and comfortable one.

These stories sound horrific, why is it being tolerated?

ContreauVersial, if you've got a newborn baby with you who's needs have to be met by you in your weakened and recovering state then perhaps, yes.

KWL51 I had my placenta removed in theatre and didn't get a catheter, nobody came to check on me either, I made my first trip to the loo tentatively getting out of bed by putting one leg down and testing if I could feel the floor etc.

ButThenIWroteANinePageLetterOfComplaintAboutItAllTiggaxx

Anyone watch One Born Every minute?

Everyone happy to have all of those men in a room with you overnight?
No?
What about the thug down the road who's just out from another prison stretch?
Wanna bunk in with him?

If you have an infant to care for, CointreauVersial, than yes.

I don't understand surgical patients NOT being on the surgical ward to begin with. It seems barbaric to expect post surgical patients to cope alone with a newborn.

'Where do you draw the line?'

Lines have to be drawn because, sadly, not all fathers and families are nice people who repsect boundaries, and midwives and nurses, who are not security guards or police, are over-stretched as it is.

I think, on the contrary, you seem to know an awful lot of hideous people. In my 40 years I've found that most people are decent and reasonable. And you're always going to get extremes, of course you are. So everything is set up for the lowest common denominator. Great, they win and sod everyone else.

Actually, I think on reflection my DH did stay in the hospital for the first night. He slept on a chair far from the ward. DD was born at midnight and I was in recovery for 12 hours because my blood pressure was so low.

A day or two later (no idea the whole thing is a blur) I blacked out in the shower in my room due to low BP and as I slid to the floor in a shadowy haze was aware that the emergency cord I'd pulled on my way down hadn't worked and that no one was going to come. Came to naked, cold and covered in blood on the floor a short time later and crawled back to the bed where the emergency cord did work!

Still wouldn't advocate men stopping over though.

YANBU

Agree with Harry and others.

If it's a shared ward then it's not just about you as an individual. Visiting hours mean that you know when you'll get rest.

post natal support needs improving - having partners there just provides an excuse not to do it.

I say this as someone who stayed in for three nights after having DS. it was miserable at night but if I had more MW around then it would have been easier. Why should other women put up with my DH just because of my indivdual needs?

YABU. I would have liked my H to have stayed. I had c-sections twice and the support overnight would have been gratefully received, especially when both of mine wouldn't settle at night in hospital. I wanted my husband with me and being alone contributed to the depressed state I left the hospital in. I wish I could have walked out on day one but having had surgery that day, I couldn't.

i'm not sure that the sex of the extra people who might stay on the ward matters, but the additional noise certainly would. it's hard enough to rest in the train station ward with phones bleeping and some folks watching tv and so on without adding in snoring/stamping about partners. visible discharge and struggles with bf - just as embarrassing in front of strange women imo though

andrew I am assuming you are a decent man. I assume you would respect other women's privacy, that you wouldn't gawp whilst they clumsily latched on their newborn. I assume you would not make offensive comments about a woman breastfeeding or use foul language or talk loudly throughout the night. I assume you aren't an abuser who is threatening towards his partner?

Its RIDICULOUS, its a hospital FFS

I cannot beleive that people seem to think because you have given birth you have extra rights to any other patient

what about people that have had an amputation, mascectomy, brain tumor? can they have their rellies there too??

some stunning views here! ENTITLED

I gave birth in a birthing unit. All the rooms were private ensuite. Visitors were allowed whenever and there was a bed for dh next to me. He slept there the first night but not the night after. It was nice having that choice.

Gwendoline - I actually think what would happen is that the nice people in rough areas would be disproportionately affected if men were allowed to stay overnight.

I did say earlier in the thread that I am in mixed feelings about this because I can see both sides. But I do find that nice people in rough areas already have to put up with a lot of crap because people in nicer areas don't have any real understanding of how awful a minority of people are.

Why should men be seperated from their newborns just because of someone else's needs?

If this thread suggested mothers should be seperated from their newborns so other mothers on the ward could get some sleep, for example, there'd be an outcry.

Why is it okay to seperate parents from their baby in one case but not the other?

Harry you are so right.

When I was BF my DD on SCBU, the dad of the "Macdonnul's" baby did just that.

"Urgh! that's disgusting. No way I'd let do you that, babe!" and every sentence being started, ended and punctuated with "fuckin'" regardless of who else was there.

I also don't understand the need to know when you can rest in peace & quiet. Surely on a pn ward there is no way of knowing when (if ever again!) you will be able to rest in peace & quiet?

Really you can't see the difference? We will just ignore the fact then that women are on the ward because they have just given birth - not because they are a "mum".

YABU.

Dont you think that these 'strange men' will be too busy looking after their new DC.

Also, so many of you are worried about these strange men, but no-one is worried about the other women, who could be just as strange. Strangeness isnt an exclusively male thing.

And surely that makes it the worst place on the planet to be if you don't have to be there? I cannot see it as a place for recovery from childbirth with all these wonderful comments about it!

Why is it okay to seperate parents from their baby in one case but not the other?

Because other patient's need override a non patient's wants.