to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

Oops. Yes, post natal!

Another thought sorry- male MW on my ward, OP how would you feel abpout that?

Didn't bother me although he did not actually deliver ds1, apaprenly he was by far the best one to get though.

On my post natal ward there simply wasn't enough (any?) support for the women who had just given birth. I needed my husband and wept through that first awful, awful night. The woman in the next cubicle was weeping too because her baby was crying and she couldn't pick him up because she'd had a c-section and no matter how many times she rang the bell, no one came. Three c-sections on my ward and no one to pass the babies who needed feeding to their mums. I dragged myself to the loo and got shouted at because I clearly couldn't walk yet - what was I supposed to do? Piss in my bed? No, of course husbands staying the night is not ideal. The ideal would be wards well staffed with kind, helpful, well paid, well rested professionals. Or being allowed home instead of kept in because there's no one to do the paperwork. That's never going to happen. Personally I would prefer a stranger seeing the blood on the back of my nightie to another night alone on a post natal ward.

I actually think it should be an option and, in an ideal world, there would be small wards or side rooms to accommodate this.

I think this is a huge infringement of privacy. In a post natal ward you are often feeling fragile and far from your best.
Most women are also learning to breastfeed and it is hardly conducive to be trying to latch baby on comfortably. I did feed in front of everyone, BTW, but at the beginning you need to feel relaxed and not worrying about revealing too much when you are learning.
If you want your husband with you, have a homebirth or pay for a private room. otherwise, deal with it.

allhailtheaubergine

Exactly.

I agree with ChippingIn

Not being able to have DH with me after DD was born (bar the stupidly restrictive visiting hours even for new fathers on the PN ward) was the main reason I was so desperate to come home ASAP after DD was born, even though I had a bloody awful time during the birth and had a PPH and 3rd degree tear.

Had he been able to stay I would have been happ(ier) to stay in longer. The ward was woefully short staffed and DH being around to help would have been far more useful than having to wait an age for a midwife to come when the buzzer was pressed.

Blimey Marianne they were £30 ten years ago when I had ds, worth every penny as I was in there for over a week!

"IMO they have as much right as you do to be there."

i disagree with this.

the mother is there because she has just given birth. depending on how difficult teh birth was, she may need pain medication or monitoring,

the baby is there because it's with it's mother who will be feeding, caring for it. some also need monitoring. if the mum can't care for teh baby, the staff do.

the father has no 'right' to be sleeping over in a post natal ward.

Absolutely. Luckily I had homebirths . The thought of being postnatal and learning to breastfeed sussounded by other women's husbands it's completely horrific.

I think it's a nice thing for dads to stay over, but don't agree with overnight 'guests' in a shared ward. It's not really a gender thing (though I can see how that makes some women even more uncomfortable), there'd still be the noise/space/privacy issues if it was a female partner or friend.

It's not remotely the same as male midwives or doctors who are there to do their job.

a male midwife is there to do his job like all the other midwives. it isn't the same as the partners of women who have just delivered.

post birth, women and babies need to be able to rest and recover. only people that need to be there should be there outside of visiting hours.

I did have a private room, and DH didn't stay, but I don't think anyone would have noticed if he had. TBH though, I still had to go out into the corridor to the bathroom, so that was no different from a curtained booth on a ward in terms of people potentially seeing you en route. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have bothered me if there had been DPs on the ward, as they are there for their own partners.

TBH I don't really know what the fuss is about, as having them there in the daytime means they are going to see you 'bleeding from the vagina' anyway, night-time isn't the only time this happens?

aubergine makes a good point about staffing levels and support that new Mums need and are not getting. A friend of mine had to call her DH at home who had to phone the desk of the maternity unit, to get someone to give her painkillers post cs, as she couldn't raise a response from anyone with the buzzer thing.

D

One of the MW's I had was male - he was wonderful. He was a professional, doesn't mean I want men on the ward.

Exactly HeresTheThing

And what happens when women don't have partners/husbands but have other birthing partners - do they have the same 'rights' as the fathers to be there through the night?

Completely agree with aubergine - I have had 2 c-sections and had 2 hideous first nights with both DD and DS with no help on local post natal ward - would've given anything to have DH there. Even letting other strangers (male or female see me bleeding/boobs out/whatever - by that stage I couldn't've cared less tbh).

My DH would have had to stay at home with our other children. I am pretty sure he wouldn't be happy about other men sleeping in the room with me whilst I was trying to feed his new baby and recover from the birth.

It's just completely inappropriate.

Completely agree with aubergine - I have had 2 c-sections and had 2 hideous first nights with both DD and DS with no help on local post natal ward - would've given anything to have DH there. Even letting other strangers (male or female see me bleeding/boobs out/whatever - by that stage I couldn't've cared less tbh).

But plenty of women do care and your desire for support should not, under any circumstances, override their right to privacy and comfort.
A lack of staff is not a reason to allow strange men overnight on wards with weepy and vulnerable women.

Completely agree. I also hate that you aren't allowed to pull your curtain round in many hospitals now unless you are being examined, I like my privacy and prefer not to breastfeed or try to sleep with someone else's kids staring at me from across the ward.

I agree, inappropriate and unnecessary.

I have no problem at all with breastfeeding in public, done it a million times. I do have a problem with doing it in the first hours when I am sore and tired and struggling and trying to do it in front of strange men, some of whom might be ignorant or rude or offensive. You cannot choose your ward partners, remember.

Not only that, but there were some 'interesting' mum's in the hospital when my DD was born with equally interesting partners. I wouldn't have much fancied them wandering around the ward.

"are ya finkin' of ya first macdonnul's? Are ya? Y'ar arn't ya? Ya finkin' of ya first macdonnul's"

Was one of the observations of one particularly delightful mum in the SCBU as her prem baby was being fed.

yanbu- i worked on a post natal ward and have done many a night shift. ime the men that have been allowed to stay on the ward (usually in a side room with private bathroom facilities) have caused more stress during the night for their partners than if they were alone.
Other than the fact that both are usually exhasuted after having been up all the previous night during labour, but not being able to sleep becasue at the best he has a reclinging chair to sleep in. Its not practical and the vast majority of hospitals are not set up and nor should they to be a hotel like facility with double beds and guest shower rooms.
If this is being considered due to a shortgae of midwives to provide adequate care (and yes i agree we are still a long way off from being able to give best care to each and every woman) that is a whole different issue, partners on the ward overnight will not alleviate mw's work load or help the women in the vast majority of cases.
aubergine- did you not have a catheter? why would they remove the catheter after theatre before you had full use of your legs? in the trust i worked in it was usually left in situ until the next morning so that you had full feeling in your legs had got out of bed several times and regained feeling in your bladder.

Yes, but that would be the same during the day. Or would you like to ban men from post natal wards at all times?

Quite.