to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

i think it would cause extra work for the staff. while of course most people are decent respectful people. there will always be some who aren't and when asked to leave for upsetting/disturbing everyone will kick up an almighty fuss. i think there would be alot more of patients calling nurses to ask them to ask the guy next door to keep his voice down.

hospitals really should be for people that need to be there. and outside of visiting hours. partners dont need to be there. more money needs to be spent on more staff, better training for staff and better rested staff.

MsScarlett Because the vulnerable women this happens to are likely to be fobbed off, and if you try to complain at night, there is likely no one to complain to that is above the person who mistreating you. Try to complain later and the wall of 'why didn't you complain earlier' comes down. And that's if you have the energy to complain or feel your complaint will do any good (having complained and later found the staff member involved was not only not given any form of disciplinary action but were in fact promoted does not do much to help that). So it all goes unchecked with women like myself who have been abused and mistreated by staff living in fear of dealing with them alone again.

Here here, Lesley33.

They might be a minority but some people are vile. And, tbh, given the sense of entitlement expressed by some people on this board (not just this thread) there is absolutely no way I'd want these men on the ward either.

"Why should men be seperated from their newborns just because of someone else's needs?""

SWEET JESUS. its the NHS. its a shared ward. get a fucking grip

there are many things I want the NHS to provide but allowing men to stay overnight is not one of them, for starters its massively discriminatory against other patients in non maternity situations

the only time it should be factor is for parents who have sick kids

MincePie - Yes there will be some awful women on post natal wards as well. But I think most would accept that they need to be there and it is not a choice. A man sleeping overnight there is a choice.

Why should men be seperated from their newborns just because of someone else's needs?'

Because the person with the needs is a patient in a hospital whose body has just given birth. Because it's a hopsital created to treat patients, the needs of the patient trump those of adults who are not patients.

The ideal is clearly private rooms for all with room for the Dads to stay.

I think it is horrific to separate fathers from their newborns and new mums from their partners.

Thats why I will be discharging myself immediatly after giving birth and I just hope there are no serious complications that stop that being an option.

I wouldn't force DH on everyone else but it is a shame I have to make that choice. I do appreciate however, that as sad as it is, private rooms for all new mums is not realistic. It would be the ideal though.

I thought they let DHs stay with you overnight?! I am scared to spend my first night alone after giving birth, I would need my DH to support me. If there is a swine flu etc going around, then I understand any restrictions necessary.

My fear stems from a painful pregnancy and a painful recovery I had after an operation when 10 weeks pregnant.

to be with your new baby is not a want. Babies need their parents.

Babies need someone to look after them.

Is a homebirth an option at all for you, pekka? Or a private room?

Catgirl option for you?

And Gwendoline - Sorry but whenever I hear people say that people are generally nice and reasonable, I usually think they are a bit naive. Yes most people are nice and reasonable, but a minority are totally vile.

At our local hospital (where I had the DC's) there is a patient hotel where Dads can stay with their newborns (for a small fee) as long as there is no complications with the birth. It works really well from what I have heard.

I think you've only taken on one part of the discussion. I'm pretty sure I heard about options for the elderly to have their partners with them throughout their care. This is so that the aftercare plan can be discussed with the main care giver, and that they can give emotional support. This applies to both parents who need to learn to care for a baby (first timers), and for Dad who needs to care for his child and his partner. My DH did all the nappies and lots of the cuddles, and passing baby to me because even with normal vaginal birth I had trouble moving and picking up the baby to feed him. By sending the Dads away you just reinforce the notion that childcare is women's work and the men are not important. We should all be in private rooms, and not in an ideal world, in THIS one.

Personally I'd like to ban all beautiful men from the postnatal ward. My Dr and the porter were two of the finest specimens I'd ever seen and I felt like poo!

to be with your new baby is not a want. Babies need their parents.

No, they don't actually. What about babies in SCUBU?

Babies when new need cuddles and milk, preferably breast and to be kept warm.
You don't need two parents to provide that. in fact, you don't actually need one.

I would expect anyone ill enough to be in the hospital to need assistance caring for a dependent baby, be they male, female, for whatever illness, surgery, or in any kind of ward - I'd always support them in having someone with them if they felt they needed it.

I can't understand seperating a new family - I would not allow anyone to seperate us against our will, no way.

babies don't need their parents when they are a few hours old and fast asleep.

They need to be warm, dry, safe and fed.

Homebirth isnt an option for me harry - it was what I wanted though

If I need to go on the ward and a private room is avaliable I will take that if DH can stay, but at my hospital it depends on if they are free. If they are it is £50 a night, which I can afford, but it seems unfair that it comes down to money.

If I cant have a private room I will discharge myself as I don't want to be separated from my DH. I do appreciate how others feel and wouldn't assume other people would / should want him there though. But for me I will just leave if he can't stay.

Are there not facilities for parents to stay in SCBU? If so then I believe there should be.

Mssacrlett have you had a baby?

'I can't understand seperating a new family - I would not allow anyone to seperate us against our will, no way.'

Then be prepared to check out against medical advice, because if your partner or husband were there after visiting hours I'd have been the first to report it.

MsScarlett, in an NHS hospital, after a C-section, you don't have any choice. You cannot realistically discharge yourself on the day of surgery as that would be very dangerous for your own health and they will not allow fathers to stay overnight.

I still don't understand why maternity wards should be exempt from the NHS commitment to provide single-sex wards for all patients.

I entirely disagree - I think newborn babies need to be with both parents, both parents need to be with that baby and new parents need to be with each other should they feel it's what they need and that should be supported.