to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

If partners stayed over night it is most likely that all those people would spend a significant amount of time in that one room. My question was more how you would feel if. I don't think I could handle even attempting to sleep with so many people in such a confined space no matter how nice the people were. I speak as someone who nearly fell out of bed because staff wouldn't pass me dd while I was still unable to feel my legs.. Whilst I would whole heartedly support a campaign for better staffing on wards the thought of having so many people overnight is an even worse concept to me. I fully suspect it would be used as an excuse to cut staff even further which to me is potentially very dangerous.

I was on a lovely eight-bed ward after giving birth, with very nice mothers. However, I did find the almost constant presence of a couple of the fathers very intrusive. There was one loo and one bathroom on the ward, both of which opened directly onto it, and privacy was severely compromised.

Though to be fair, there is a fair chance of visitors during daytime needing to use the toilet (our hospital has special toilets for visitors) or seeing a postpartum woman in a stage of less than complete dress. And I take it we are not proposing to ban daytime visitors?

but I think the burden on midwives is also something to consider; the ones on my ward also had stories of gentlemen insisting on post-partum marital gratification, so having to police the wards is one more job for already overworked staff

Frankly, I think it is totally primitive to even contemplate letting fathers stay overnight on maternity wards. In a private room, perhaps.

To those of who who STILL think it's a good idea for men to stay on the wards, can we just remind you of the chaps on "One Born Every Minute"?

I rest my case.

surely it would never happen on one ground -
insurance. double the adults = twice as hard to evacuate = too expensive to insure

Insurance isn't anymore. Not a factor when our place have been looking at it.

cory During the day is another matter; you can't expect complete privacy on a ward in daytime - even a mother on a post-natal ward has to accept that there will be fathers around, or indeed other male visitors.

I remain eternally grateful that someone either bent the rules for DW, DS and me, or forgot I was there - but to create a right for fathers to stay overnight is straight out of cloud-cuckoo-land.

I think women can manage to spend an ight without their partner, new baby or not. We're not helpless!

What a terrible, terrible idea.

I could write a very long, long list about the problems this would cause and not solve but gladly it seems I don't have to seeing how long this thread is.

Why is it acceptable for NHS patients to have a right to single sex wards unless you've just had a baby? Discrimination, no?

Just no, no, no. I agree with everything Viva and Harry have to say.

Do many hospitals allow this?

The visiting hours are very strict in the maternity hospital I had DSs in. I think all the three maternity hospital in Dublin are (only had experience of one)

Last time I was there, one of the mums had someone with her nearly all the time, but that was only because she was unable to care for her baby due to the birth trauma she suffer, which was fair enough. Even then it wasn't at night.

Only time it seemed to relax was when I was in on Christmas day (they even gave us wine!!)

Told DH about this thread and he firmly stated that he thought husbands & partners should definitely be on the ward for as long as the mother and baby stay.

So it's just as well that we had our DSs two decades ago - that way you are all saved from having a loud, stroppy, know-it-all man annoying you all night and day.

Just as well I can handle him, but I wouldn't have wanted him there either

We seem to be debating several different issues on this thread.

I agree that the main issue here is the lack of funding. If everyone could be sure that all mothers & all babies would be well cared for 24/7 by the staff then 95% of fathers would accept not being able to stay overnight and the 5% could either be accomodated or sent home sulking - depending on why their partners felt they needed them to stay.

I am staggered that there are so many revolting specimens out there & that it seems to be quite a general thing and not only in 'rough' areas. Really staggered.

However, I still stand by my original pov that I simply cannot understand the simpering over a 'man' seeing your bloody nighty or your boobs while bf. They are people. They are strangers. Men are strangers, women are strangers and just because you and the other woman both have boobs, to me, doesn't make a blind bit of difference. Women can be just as vile as men.

Apparently in Finland after giving birth the parents stay together with the baby in an ensuite postnatal room for 5 or so days. They bond, have low level medical care (bf support and the like) unless there's been a problem and they need more. This seems sensible. Men staying the night (or female birthing partners) on a ward does not. They do have a right to bond with their baby, but not at the expense of vulnerable women who may be on the ward.

Also, Mixed sex wards were agreed by all to be an affront to patients' dignity - and at least both sexes were actually patients!

chipping I wouldn't simper about it but I wouldn't be happy about it at all. I don't care if other people understand it at all. Just accept that many people don't feel the same way that you do about showing their bodies, hence why mixed sex wards are so unpopular. Personally I would never have breastfed in public, sunbathed topless or used a mixed changing room. I did care about my privacy during and after labour. Why are people supposed to 'not care who sees them' because they are giving birth or recovering from birth or breastfeeding?

I have breastfed all my children anywhere and everywhere and I have no hang ups about my body. I have never been raped and have a kind, wonderful husband. I have had easy births.

What I do have, however , is the right not to reveal my battered post partum body to strange men sleeping in the same room as me. If I feel so passionatelt about this, why are some of you so incapable of understanding just how utterly horrific and almost abusive this would be to women who hav ehad far more negative experiences than me? Or women who haven't but are faced with the kind of vile men we have been talking about.

This is such a huge infringement of women's rights I'm horrified that some of you don't get it. Just to keep banging on about how you want your husband there and fuck everyone else is just despairing.

I have gone topless abroad, breastfed in public and at work.

The main thing about the above, is I HAVE CONTROL/CHOICE.

I still don't get the idea, that I am allowed no control over when I undress just because I've had a baby. There is no privacy in a small ward.

And no control over who sees you trying to latch a baby on or the blood on your nightie.

I know there will be people during the day but only for set times and they will be preoccupied.

I had a father snoring loudly through the night next to me when I had DD. They had their curtains closed to the presence of a man didn't really bother me - just the noise.

It wasn't the usual practice of the hospital to allow partners to stay so I'm guessing there must have been a good reason.

DP would feel pretty uncomfortable staying the night I think.

Agree that any upset or disappointment of someone who wants their partner there is not as significant as the upset/disappoinment of someone who is forced to endure a stranger spending the night in close proximety to them against their wishes.

I'm not simpering about who sees my breasts I just remember being so ill I didn't care any more. What freaks me out is the thought of the number of people in what I felt was a claustrophobic space already. My movement was already restricted by the amount of pain I was in I remember my movement being restricted by trying to avoid accidentally kicking, elbowing someone. That included while lying in bed as everything was so cramped visitors were leaning against my bed (neighbours visitors not mine) that was through the curtain btw. I got through the day by reminding myself I could try moving about the bed at night to minimise the pain. I don't see how having my movement so restricted 24/7 would be fair or helpful. Would further increase the risk of DVT for a start.

that's a ridiculous suggestion.

So ridiculous I fear it's a 'false flag' type move - fathers on the postnatal ward is so clearly wrong that they'll 'compromise' with some other Big Society type of initiative that's not quite so horrific. And then everyone will say 'Well, it's not so bad, at least it's not men in the post natal ward doing the nurses job. Phew, eh.'

I have found I've been getting a lot of wear out of the tinfoil hat of late.

Argh that was the worst spelling mistake ever, I do apologise- bigger hospitals

Maybe it's time to accept my eyesight is too poor to post now.

LOL, I didn't even notice it, Peachy, just shows the eye sees what it expects to see.

That applies to the thread as a whole, also, I suppose.

Don't stop posting! we can cope with the odd fat fingered moment from you