to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

LemonDifficult - have you read the thread? Most of your arguments have been blown out of the water already and there are some truly shocking posts by MWs on the behaviour of some new dads which it doesn't sound like you've read.

And however much you might want your DH there, I do not and neither do any of the other post-natal women you are sharing a ward with.

They will be there Lemon. They will be there at the birth and they will be there until 8pm.
Then they can go home and get some rest while the people who are actually of most importance in all this, the mothers and babies, get some privacy and some sleep.

I have tried to formulate a post on this for ages but fuck it. What AF, VivaLaBeaver, Harry and Dave said.

Unbelievable.

I think pretty much everyone agrees a utopia of private rooms for all women with rooms for lovely, kind dads to stay whilst respecting other womens privacy, combined with excellent post natal care would be the ideal.

But the reality is there are not private rooms for all women and men staying on wards is not a good idea in terms of logisitics, space, privacy and security.

I know that a lot of men are ok decent people, but the fact is there are also some very nasty peices of work who are fathers too, even if they are a very small minority.
The risk of a sexual/violent/verbal attack on a women after giving birth by man staying overnight may be very small but its a risk all the same and should simply be not allowed to happen. Childbirth is stressful enough without spending the night worrying about the behaviour of men you dont know.

V good summary catgirl (I love a good summary )

Can I say gavel? I have never said gavel on a thread yet :)

Go on then catgirl. Being as you're pregnant and all

Aw thanks :)

Gavel

That felt good!

As someone who has dealt with abusive men and women whilst working in hospitals and social services I would like to point out that in stessful situations some people find it difficult to control their emotions. On a ward with bad care, partners are likely to become abusive because they want their partner to be cared for, this then descends into a massive row and attention is then focused on that person. Great, but what about the three other women who are neglected because their partners aren't shouting the place down. Pekka - you need to grow up!

Sorry, still a YABU from me.

Lemondifficult - spend 9 days on a postnatal ward without any sleep, you would change your smug self centred opinion.

It's definitely for the first norms this one. The couple opposite me had their first. I don't really think he was a whole lot of help-as I sat feeding all night they shushed their baby (unsuccessfully). If he hadn't been there I feel sure she's have called for help and the baby would have been fed. My first night with dd1 was magical-just me and her, knowing dh was coming in the morning and we then shared stories of the night over croissants he'd brought in. I felt proud to have done it, and I hadn't had to worry about his sleep. Them we went home and faced it all together .

Smug? Self Centred?

Hey, I've had my babies - this is for the future parents I'm bothering to speak up, no need to be twatty.

9 days on a postnatal ward must be tough and I'm sure that that would colour your experience. As would having a violent husband or a noisy alcoholic visitor in the next cubicle.

Sorry, first borns!

At night there should be as few people around as possible, more people = less chance of sleep for all. Even if people try not to be noisy it happens. Even without the not wanting men there arguments its surely better for everyone to not double to amount of adults? I am yet to see a convincing argument otherwise!

I still cry when I think about my experience five years later. It was made much worse by all the visitors that came visited their partners who were in for one night and had no consideration of other women.

You have my sympathies. Hospitals are not nice places.

But dads should still be allowed to come and go to their tiny babies.

The majority want hanging brought back and the Daily Mail.

Lemondifficult - Have you spent any time on a busy NHS postnatal ward?

6 nights first stay

5 nights second stay

(Why is this about me? Cos really, neither me nor my DH are planning to spend any more time on maternity wards, no need to worry about us.)