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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

319 replies

prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 15:20

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

OP posts:
Crabapple99 · 14/11/2011 20:29

Very few children would ever need a full week off at any time in their schooling. "a virus" - maybe 48 hours, a virus that takes a week!? And she has only just started !? Alarm bells will be ringing - either she has something very unusual and very severe, or there is a very casual attitude to sttendance, and hense to education in that household. I would expect hte attendance officer to have been informed.

IneedAbetterNickname · 14/11/2011 20:33

In wonder how my son could possibly have had less than a week of for tonsillitus Crabapple99 he was so poorly that he could hardly walk, in fact I put him in the buggy to get DS1 to school!

SardineQueen · 14/11/2011 20:34

I also think that in most instances "I tell it like it is" translates as "I am rude as fuck, if people get upset it's their problem, they just can't handle the truth."

yes yes absolutely

crabapple. chicken pox? broken limb? bad asthma attack or allergic reaction? tonsils or adenoids out? blah blah a million things.

I find your posts a little OTT TBH.

janewa · 14/11/2011 20:36

YABU just because you don't like it doesn't mean that its not true. The comments about the teachers appearance further suggest you have difficulty accepting reality.

RedHotPokers · 14/11/2011 20:37

I am truly aghast at the thought that a four year old would be left behind after a week off sick. My DD only had one day off sick during YR, but if I thought she needed a week off, she would have had one. I reiterate my earlier point, the child is FOUR ffs.

An attendance officer for a 4yo who has been off sick once for a week. Are you having a laugh?!?

Proudnscary · 14/11/2011 20:37

A little OTT, Sardine?!

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 20:39

crabapple - attention officer informed for a child of 4y having a week off with a virus??? Seriously? I really can't see why that would be needed.

Of course children get poorly and need time off. It is not that unusual to have a virus that lasts five days or more. Let's face it - even for an upset tummy with mild d&v a minimum of 48 hours is required.

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 20:41

Oh - and not just children either. I was poorly with a virus and was off work for 7 weeks! The virus was pneumonia.

Some viruses - be them viral or bacterial - can be rather unpleasant you know!

pigletmania · 14/11/2011 20:43

crabapple are you a Dr btw Hmm, are you for real! Yes virus can last that time, it affects children in different ways. I remember missing a week because of flu in Primary school and boy was I ill all week in bed, noway could I go to school like that. The girl is only 4 fgs, not 14 doing her GCSE. ARe you an educational expert too Hmm

SardineQueen · 14/11/2011 20:43

Just a little, prousnscary.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 20:43

Having recently gone through the stomach virus from hell that afflicted my two youngest -- yes indeed, a virus can take a week to shake off. They started off with d&v for two days and one night, then fever and chills for a day and a night, then a sore throat (I had them tested for strep but no such luck) and hacking cough that made them gag and kept them up all night for another two days, one night. They only started eating crackers and drinking flat 7up after they stopped the diarrhoea on tuesday night, then ate nothing on the day they had the high temp, then again no appetite for the duration of the sore throat and cough.

Their school says no school for at least a day after d&v, and also no school for at least a day after a high fever. Having not really eaten or managed to keep food down for about a week they weren't fit to weather a day in school on Friday. The teachers sent their homework home and they started catching up with it on the weekend when they were feeling up to it.

Crabapple99 · 14/11/2011 20:48

chickenpox, broken limb, flu - these are serious nothing the op says indicates there was anything seriously wrong, yes, I've worked with attendance officers, yes, this child is likely to have been highlighted.

To the op, children can often do things with a parent some time before they can do them in a classroom, so don't be surprised if she isn't doing things at school that she can do at home, doing it at school is the next stage of the progression, so the teacher is sauing she hasn't got to that stage yet.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/11/2011 20:49

Children don't have to attend school until the term following their 5th birthday, so even if a parent decided to keep them home for a reason that crabapple doesn't deem worthy, there is nothing an attendance officer could do anyway.

SardineQueen · 14/11/2011 20:52

chickenpox is a virus Confused

so is flu

lots of viruses necessitate a week off

And personally I wouldn't describe either of those things as serious (unless the person ended up in hospital which does of course happen sometimes)

pigletmania · 14/11/2011 20:53

crabapple a child does not legally have to be at school until they are 5 btw. A virus might have been flu or the like, anyhow it was serious enough to keep her dd off school for a week. God help my SN dd then, she is waaaaay behind her peers at MS. As long as she is happy there thats the main thing (she is). She has a lovely TA who works really well with her.

Crabapple99 · 14/11/2011 20:54

chickenpox is seriou. Flu is very serious. Keeping a child off school for nothing serious is very serious.

SardineQueen · 14/11/2011 20:56

No, chickenpox can be serious, as can flu. Usually, thankfully, they are just a bit nasty. But usually necessitate a week off.

aquashiv · 14/11/2011 20:59

I wouldn't worry about your daughter's life long learning, just yet. She is VERY young.

DD didtn't do bugger all shine in Foundation.. Year One she has a brilliant teacher who really understands and does not allow any being away with the fairies motivate her.

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 21:03

The OP says her child had a virus that made her daughter ill enough to need a week off school. She desn't say if it was serious or not, but there is no reason to believe that the child was just kept off school for no reason.

Why is that so unbelievable crabapple?

I have worked in schools for many years and I have never known a child to be reported to an education officer for a week off ill, especially at 4 years old. I have, however, known of many children of various ages from 4y to 18y, who have missed a week from school due to illness and have had no ill effects on theri education.

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 21:05

Oh and many things you list as serous - broken limb for example - I would not necessarily see as serious either. Have knwon many children come in with broken limbs, even the day after.

Would rather have a child with a broken leg in class the next day than a child in schoolwith a virus we might all then catch from them.

Original poster
prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 21:07

the illness began tuesday, parents evening was the following monday. she returned to school on the wednesday. after a trip to the g.p. she was given an oral spray as the virus had left her with an ulcerated roof of mouth. she ate little and was very weak and poorly. since her return several classmates have also been absent. and she began school in august as we are in scotland. so the point is the opinion were formed pre her virus that lasted a FULL WEEK

OP posts:
Crabapple99 · 14/11/2011 21:12

Hulababy, many years experience, I can tell you, a week off for "a virus" is the biggest alarm bell of all! 2-3 weeks od for flu - that's what you would expect. (Real flu, that is, not just something little called flu, 1 week off for "flu "would also get a referal although 2 weeks wouldn't) broken limbs, of course, depends on the break and the limb. 24 hours? 6 months? but "one week off for a virus" speaks volumes! I can almost guarantee this child will have a serious attendance problem by secondary school. And will be years behind. "One week off with a virus" is the start of the pattern. There will be another week off with anohter virus sooner or later.

DownbytheRiverside · 14/11/2011 21:15

Cor Crabapple, 27 years in my job and I never knew that. Or have known it happen, without other concerns being taken into account as well.
Littlies get sick and mothers are a bit over-cautious in many cases. I'd rather a 4 year old stayed home than was in school sick and miserable and having to be brave. Different with an 8 year old.

SardineQueen · 14/11/2011 21:18

crabapple this is just nonsense.

You cannot predict with certainty in the way that you suggest
And of course you can be off for a week with a virus

I imagine that you aren't a doctor?

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 21:19

My experience is very different to yours crabapple. OK, only been in education for 15 years, but worked in primary and secondary (and prison ed too for a little while) - but have not seen these pattern develop at all, not from a week off poorly at age 4y. But hey, people's experiences are different. But for me this wouldn't ring alarm bells at this stage and we wouldn't be reporting it either.