to wish there were more role models on TV for people like me?

[entropygirl]

So when it comes to everything from movies, through news readers, to childrens presenters you get representation for men, women, young, old (well older men anyway) you even get the occasional ethnic minority/person with disability. What you never ever get is anyone who is, shall we say, less than averagely attractive.

But us less than averagely attractive uglies (by definition) make up half the population but have absolutely no role models whatsoever. I am ugly and the chances are that my DD will be too (genetics being what it is) and I would love for her to grow up in a world that wasn't adamant that in order to be successful, rich, happy or even smart the one necessary criteria is to be good looking.

AIBU?

I bet you are not ugly. Very few people are. Please do not teach your child she is ugly.

And don't expect the gogglebox to provide role models.

hmm well I am definitely ugly and although I hope I will personally be a role model for my DD it would be nice if as Im telling her that looks arent everything the whole world wasnt screaming the opposite in her other lug hole.

Err do we consider Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Bruce Forsyth and Harry Hill, David Mitchell as rampant stunners then?

i've had nights in this weekend with evening TV and most of the presenters were average to uggo's...who are you referring to op?

noone you list is below average....maybe not stunning I agree (also I would def do David Mitchell!) Also none of them are women.....try again please....

well they're all men Binfull
However there are some fairly unnattractive female newsreaders and sometimes characters in soaps etc

I think it's more important that beautiful people learn looks aren't everything actually.

Of course YANBU. My duaghter has one very slightly imperfect tooth and I couldn't believe it when the dentist exclaimed, "What a shame" and recommended braces. What a bad example IMO. From a medic of all people.

I do agree with you though that it's depressing how much pressure it put on girls/women to look 'good'

is put

This is mostly due to the fact that TV is a visual medium and attractiveness sells. People will watch the most ridiculous pile of tosh if they like the main character/presenter, and liking is most-often based on the ability to charm (mainly male) or have sex-appeal (mostly women). There is a small sub-group who use the ability to make people laugh or seem like a best friend, who can vary quite significantly in looks. 'Ugly' people are represented on TV, albeit in a minority.

What stands out more to me is the difference in emphasis on looks based on gender. I can't think of any 'ugly' female judges on X-factor, chat show hosts, TV presenters, or news presenters. In fact, if I remove female character actresses, I'm struggling (though I don't watch much TV to be honest). There are some female comedians I suppose. Whereas there are quite a few less-than-sexy males on TV who are there because of their gravitas or charisma or ability to make people laugh.

I bet you're not 'ugly' though. Don't forget people on TV have the luxury of time, money and experts whose sole job it is to make them look 'beautiful'.

I think there is even more of a problem when people think that some of the news readers are unattractive! Again, they may not be models but you have had reality warped if you think they are ugly! None of them are even close to my end of the scale, and its that shift of perspective towards expecting everyone to look approximately as good as that, that can end up making the lives of the ugly very miserable on occasion.

If newsreaders truly represented average humanity then this wouldnt happen.

Two words...'Fatima and Witbred'

I've never felt the need for a role model in my life ever...let alone one on the TV, I don't get that?

Role models for kids tend to be people around them...teachers, family members - that sort of thing.

hmmm there is only so much make up can do if you have a weird shaped jaw bone, no cheek bones as such and unlevel eyes, etc etc

(although its fair to say I dont make an effort with my appearance - because I dont know what the point would be...)

exaspomum, the dentist will have recommended braces as unaligned teeth are harder to keep clean, affect the bite, and can eventually push other teeth out of alignment. DD1 had a brace for her 1 out of alignment tooth and she was eligible for it on the NHS. They no longer pay for braces that are for cosmetic reasons only. If they ever did, I know the orthodontist told us they had tightened up the criteria.

Don't lose heart OP! I'm in the 'ugly' population, only have one mirror in the house as I don't like my reflection. Have always been aware of it too! DD has been described as stunning, her BF is the envy of his mates! Her personality shines through though! DSs aren't pug ugly either. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so they say! Unfortunately media do play up the looks thing, critical of celebs style/looks/clothes no matter how attractive people are. Photoshop has a lot to answer for too! Confidence, personality and spirit are far more enduring than looks.

Kathy Burke?
Jo Brand?

Neither of them are what you might call beautiful, nor were they in their youth, but they're both women I admire, and would like to have a drink with.

Do her role models have to be female? It's also about how you raise and encourage her. I don't ever remember paying much attention to beautiful women on tv and comparing myself infavourably to them. But then I always found Hollyoaks a pile of tosh!

I also worry about your established opinion that she is ugly. I understand you are a rational person, but I think people develop different levels of attractiveness throughout theur lives. I knew some beautiful looks obsessed queen bee girls at school who now look awful, and have aged badly.

Altnough I do think some European countries are much better at putting ordinary people on TV, we are going a little in the direction of the US.

But most women on tv,newsreaders, weather reporters, Loose Women, CBBC presenters, Comedians etc seem quite ordinary to me.

I see your point, but TV isn't the only place to look for role models. In fact considering some of the shite on telly these days, it's one of the worst places!

And genetics schmenetics. Every parent should think their child is beautiful. Please don't ever tell your daughter otherwise.

one I will give you both of those...although one of them spends a lots of time having the piss ripped for being ugly and the other one regularly does the same thing to herself.

Agree I would go for a drink with either :)

Just typed childrens presenters and loose women into google and there is noone I rate below a 6/10 there. Many of them are 9s or 10s. Certainly no 1s or 2s and in the real world some people have to be down there.....

I am not prejudging my DD or anything, (and I certainly wont be telling her she cant wear this or that as she is too ugly as my DM did to me) I am just accepting that its unlikely given neither of her parents are above a 3 that she will creep into the top half of the draw.

MissPen As I said I wont be trailing around her reminding her, but really the point is that it ought to be okay to be ugly. It ought to be the case that I can say well yes you arent good looking but so what? It not like thats the only thing defining you....only according to the media in general (and that includes TV, cinema, internet, advertising, shops, etc etc) it is.

Also theres not much point hiding from the fact. It's not like kids wont point that sort of thing out once you get to school....

I think you make a very valid point and am going to add that two of the nicest people I have ever met both had the misfortune to have cleft palates.

There are two other sides to this too. In my 20's I was very successful and got sick and tired of the "well the looks will have helped" comments - I also worked very very hard in a very difficult business.

The other side is the way in which appearance has been blown out of all proportion in recent years. DD is a very pretty girl. She has been known to cry herself to sleep because she thinks she is ugly. We have even gone down the worried about anorexia route because at one stage she stopped eating because she thought she was fat - she was a bit actually and she does look better having dropped a pound or two but it became a cause for concern. She's 13!

We all get old, we all pick up the odd scar and wrinkle and start to sag and to droop. The most beautiful person in the world - the elderly lady with twinkly eyes and laughter lines. The ugliest the bitter old hag who lost it and can't cope with it.

Hold your head up high and smile OP and teach your dd to do the same. We can't change what we've got, but we can present it to the best of our ability.

married yes I think there is research to show that being both very attractive or unattractive makes it harder to get a job etc. problems at either end of the scale and all because we get judged on a characteristic that has nothing to do with our ability to get the job in hand done....

I'll tell you what I would really love to see.....a make up company go for an ugly model. I mean what would really make me buy make up would be an astounding before and after job on someone who looks a bit like me. I mean what kind of a statement about your product is it that it looks good on Julia Roberts? Fucking poster paint applied by a toddler would look good on her!

btw I will only think my DD is good looking if she is. I will only think she is smart if she is. But no matter how any of these characteristics pan out I will always, always think she is the single most amazing fantastic thing that has ever happened to me.
She is my fantastic amazing baby and always will be!

Actually entropygirl have you thought about having a consultation with someone who specialises in theatrical make-up. They could probably give you far more advice about the clever use of the make-up than anyone on the high street. Also, this is something that's getting a higher profile now isn't it? Haven't there been some programme's on tv about people in similar situations.

ARGHHH! The concept of turd polishing comes to mind. And I think it would be hypocritical to tell my DD looks arent important but then spend an hour a day changing my face to make it publicly acceptable.

I suppose I could also just wear a paper bag/halloween mask but I think it would be better to address the problem in society, as me wearing a paper bag doesnt stop teenage girls becoming anorexic etc....

Glad the problem is getting some airtime though...I must have missed that in between 'hotter than my daughter' and 'hot like us' or whatever that hideous program about modelling couples is called.