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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish there were more role models on TV for people like me?

149 replies

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 12:39

So when it comes to everything from movies, through news readers, to childrens presenters you get representation for men, women, young, old (well older men anyway) you even get the occasional ethnic minority/person with disability. What you never ever get is anyone who is, shall we say, less than averagely attractive.

But us less than averagely attractive uglies (by definition) make up half the population but have absolutely no role models whatsoever. I am ugly and the chances are that my DD will be too (genetics being what it is) and I would love for her to grow up in a world that wasn't adamant that in order to be successful, rich, happy or even smart the one necessary criteria is to be good looking.

AIBU?

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marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 15:29

And another point entropy. My mother was/is incredibly beautiful and because as a child she told me I was a plain little mouse with no personality, I let myself feel like that for years and never felt comfortable or confident in my skin until I was about 40. It didn't matter what anyone else said, my mother had said I was plain and not good enough so that's how I felt. Don't ever do that to your daughter and please don't project how you feel onto her.

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 15:34

married (please see apology!) I still wouldnt really class many of those as far below average....even widde as some bone structure underlying things....and managed to polish up pretty well on strictly.

Gah that reminded me of the portas thing with the cabinet women and how they didnt dress well.....yup successful women not picked for their looks and yet what does the media (who widely reported the portas bitches comments) care about that?

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entropygirl · 14/11/2011 15:35

Hear and understood. I had same thing from DM and will do everything in my power to avoid passing it on!

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Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 14/11/2011 15:37

Julia Roberts looks average to me..nice teeth but I would assume they are false.

Sarah Jessica Parker never let good looks get in the way of being fabulous did she? Or Princess Anne?

Unfortunately tv has become such a large part of peoples lives that it is hard not to pull in examples.

quietlyafraid · 14/11/2011 15:37

entropygirl. It was strangely enough Dawn French.

Read her wiki entry:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawn_French

And an article about her unofficial biography from the Daily Fail:
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1063756/Dawn-Frenchs-father-told-beautiful--took-life.html

I hope it inspires you and gives you the confidence to make your daughter shine no matter what.

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 15:42

but she IS really good looking! or am i supposed to believe its all confidence and inner glow?

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TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 15:51

Entropy it's partly confidence and inner glow, and partly makeup, her hair dyed to precisely the colour taht bests suits her, good dental work, a canny knowledge of what clothes best illuminate her face...it's everything! Seriously!

Have you never seen those makeover shows* where someone who looks really quite plain - I won't use the word ugly, but you know jsut what I mean - is transformed with little more than judicial use of auburn low-lighting and good makeup?

You can't turn an Anne Widdecombe into a Joanna Lumley. But you can make AW the best she can be, and as you said, she looked absolutely fine on Strictly

*I loathe them but they prove my point Grin

marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 15:52

I saw entropy - that's why I came back Grin. Nipping out now in scruffs and no make-up. Will put big coat on and hope no-one sees me - at least it's getting dark.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 15:53

I just did a bit of Googling to see what I could come up with and found this

Even made up, no-one is going to give this lady a modelling contract.

But look at the difference between the two! In the second you think, God, look at those lovely huge eyes, and that glowing skin! And you can tell she has a smile like the sunrise.

You would never guess from the first picture that she could look actually really compelling. Not beautiful. Not pretty. But DEFINITELY attractive.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 15:54

PS I do realise that it's not feasible to go to Sainsbo's with half a pound of Swarovski Prit-Sticked to your bonce Grin

Pendeen · 14/11/2011 15:54

YANBU but humans will always see looks as a first point of judgement. The media only want viewing figures - and therefore profits - so they reflect the reality.

That will never change I'm afraid.

People who are fat or ugly will always be seen, on first appearance as - fat and ugly. Fortunately these disadvantages are easily and soon overcome as many of the previous contributors have said.

Pendeen · 14/11/2011 15:55

or

marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 15:56

And just before I go, one of the best things I ever spent money on was an old fashioned thing called "Colour me Beautiful". Believe me it is fabulous and it really works. I would never criticise anyone for the way they are but I might if they don't do their best with what they've got. You owe it to your daughter to do that - along with the head held high and the smile. That's one thing my mother did teach me and people do smile back - they really do.

TechnoViking · 14/11/2011 16:05

It is ALL about confidence, I feel. Spending your life feeling unattractive is unhealthy.

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 16:08

huh? I am ugly! I dont necessarily have a problem with that fact....okay okay I do but, hey its not a prerequisite!

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quietlyafraid · 14/11/2011 16:12

entropygirl, i'm not going to say either way, but she has made a career against type in the world of media. A lot of people would say some very disparaging remarks about her.

And honestly, in the face of that, she drew strength from what her Dad said. I firmly believe the principle remains the same. Do you look at your daughter and think she's ugly, or do you look at her and think she's the most beautiful thing in the world.

And treading carefully on thin on ice here, I had a school friend who, could be described as 'hitting every branch as she fell from the tree'. Teeth all over the place, crooked, puffy eyes, no figure. Very unfortunate teenage girl. Never had a bf at school, but I remember her as always being amazingly good at sport, one of the most popular girls or guys and no one ever said a bad word against her. Despite what she looked like, and she was the unluckiest girl in our school of 1500 pupils by some distance, I NEVER once heard anyone say she was ugly either to her face or behind it. I heard people say it about much prettier girls but never her.

Anyway, I know she got married to a really nice guy (good looking guy too - she did very well for herself) and moved to Australia a couple of years ago. I saw a couple of pictures of her - age 33. My goodness the difference! She still had all the imperfections, and she wasn't 'pretty', but she suited her age, looked attractive and is fairing a lot, lot better than other girls I went to school with. I can't really describe it. It was odd but strangely wonderful to see. It made me wonder if people can sometimes 'grow' into their face and that you can be more beautiful in life later in life compared to women who only had that for a decade of their life. We do put a lot of value on youth, but I don't think its necessarily as simple as that.

I know I'm probably sounding like a tired old cliche or someone making stuff up, or saying stuff to make you feel better but I'm not. If it wasn't betraying her privacy or my anonymity, I'd show you pictures in a heart beat to illustrate the point. You'll just have to accept my sincerity at face value. Its not even make up or clothing. Just age!

There is sooooo much you can teach your daughter and so much you can do to break against convention. Beauty does not make happiness or success. I know its hard to remember at times, but its so true.

Oh and keep her away from every womens/mens mag known to civilization. Unless shes studying them for media, when she can look at them in horror. They are the root cause of all major wars and famine (ok I maybe exaggerating a little, but I do feel they are hate filled and encourage insecurities).

Bakelitebelle · 14/11/2011 16:14

I see a lot more 'less than averagely attractive' people on TV, than people with disabilities.

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 16:19

I think you are right about growing into a face....some people just occupy their body 100% and you cant imagine them ever looking different or even see what they look like most of the time. and it probably does all come down to confidence.

must try to eradicate insecurity demons from my soul before I pass them on!

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TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 16:21

I think you should post a picture Grin

no seriously I am intrigued

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 16:23

Bake I think you are marginally right (although noone has named a truly ugly person on TV yet) but then there are more unattractive people in real life than people with disabilities (if you take make average cut off then there are 31 million less than averagely attractive people in the UK). So I think we are substantially more under-represented.

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entropygirl · 14/11/2011 16:24

Oh god I thought it might come to that....

I'm afraid it is super critical to my future political career sanity that I remain anonymous at this time

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TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 16:29

Oh God. You're not really Liz Jones are you Confused

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 16:31

Entropy I would like to see what you look like.
I understand if you wouldn't post a picture, but do you look like anybody in particular that we might know of (an author, sleb, policitican et.)

I can't think of anybody I would all ugly; bar serious facial disfigurements, but that's entirely different.

It's just not how I view people (figuratively that is, if that makes sense) and I honestly pay little attention to looks.

I did my first degree with a guy who had a hair lip; very obvious when pointed out to me. But I honestly didn't notice it. It sounds daft but when someone said something about the guy with the hair lip, because they didn't know his name, I didn't realise who they meant. And then after a little further description, I said "huh, you mean xxxxx. They don't have a hair lip"!

They did, I just hadn't noticed, it wasn't a majot feature to me. He was a fab guy who was not short of female company.

My mother was/is still looks/weight obsessed and it had a profound effect on me. She was always complimenting me for being beautiful when younger and in my mind (despite being a top student). I realise now how damaging it was and could've been long term.

You sound bloody ace by the way and you are her role model and will show her that it's not important how you look.

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 16:37

Who is Liz Jones?

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TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 16:38

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=liz+jones+ugly+picture&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1152&bih=546&tbm=isch&tbnid=DmITPPFnLhLDKM:&imgrefurl=www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1229399/LIZ-JONES-What-happened-I-tried-live-65-week.html&docid=T-4hVLswcgGmiM&imgurl=i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/11/19/article-1229399-07490CBD000005DC-173_233x423.jpg&w=233&h=423&ei=2EPBTu6-BciX8QOg97mzBA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=94&sig=104762083516552763321&page=1&tbnh=171&tbnw=107&start=0&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0&tx=60&ty=75" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this is her

She is not one of life's great beauties. However most of this is because she is a self-obssessed, grasping, narcissistic madam that needs a slap.