Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to wish there were more role models on TV for people like me?

149 replies

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 12:39

So when it comes to everything from movies, through news readers, to childrens presenters you get representation for men, women, young, old (well older men anyway) you even get the occasional ethnic minority/person with disability. What you never ever get is anyone who is, shall we say, less than averagely attractive.

But us less than averagely attractive uglies (by definition) make up half the population but have absolutely no role models whatsoever. I am ugly and the chances are that my DD will be too (genetics being what it is) and I would love for her to grow up in a world that wasn't adamant that in order to be successful, rich, happy or even smart the one necessary criteria is to be good looking.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:12

glad it wasnt me - tbh this is my best ever performance on AIBU...people are actually speaking to me rather than tearing me a new one!

I guess I was half jokingly trying to reclaim the word ugly....but as it is used to mean 'bad' in other contexts that will be a problem.

less-than-averagely-attractive is a bit of a mouthful though.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:13

Glad what wasn't you?
Best ever performance?
Who are you then?

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:14

HATED shallow Hal

When he is dancing with the women in the disco and his mate is all 'get some self-respect' its just horrible. Coz obviously the whole idea of someone dancing on purpose with ltaa women is hilarious!

OP posts:

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:15

glad it wasnt me that had upset you / done something wrong.

I am only and have always been me....

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:15

Yes the guys friend is a dick in it, he really is.

quietlyafraid · 14/11/2011 17:15

haha I wouldn't show my face either. So no pressure from me.

I wonder who is really better off. Someone obsessed with their looks and puts the value of themselves purely on that from a very early age and is forever trying to recapture her youth. Or someone who may have been more unlucky with genetics (theres another euphemism), but grows with their face and has build up a level of confidence and worth based on other things that they can take throughout their life. ?

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:16

My third aibu. First two went down very badly....second was deleted. I have learnt there are certain topics that are NOT to be discussed on AIBU.

OP posts:

TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 17:16

Bamboo

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:18

I mean I know he is portrayed as a dick but its a very fine line....also even in the fat suit paltrow is a knockout!

OP posts:

TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 17:18

Interestingly the most beautiful girl I know is also the most worried about her looks.

I have personally witnessed her halt the traffic on Oxford St, and yet she will grasp my hand and say "Scarlett, am I still pretty, am I getting older, am I ugly now"

Alexandra Shulman was asked once about beauty etc. (being editor of Vogue of course). She said, she feels sorry for the very beautiful, because 99% of it will go as they age. She said she has always been quite nice looking. she was a quite nice looking teen, a quite nice looking young woman, is a quite nice looking middle-aged lady and will remain quite nice looking when old.

I like that! hurrah for those of us who are quite nice looking!

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 17:26

Bamboo... I think yes, she can look quite ugly on many of her photo's.. but that is more down to the face pulling and gurning that she is usually doing.

I do think even the most plain women can, if they want, do something to enhance their features and make themselves look attractive.

I can never understand the vitriol that is spouted about Camilla Parker Bowles, as personally I think she is a very attractive woman who looks like she would be a fun person to be with.

I have thought of one woman though, who is most definately ugly.. but by her own doing, Jocelyn Wildenstein.. now she is terrifying to look at.

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:29

hmmm I was okay as a baby...a specky freckly child....and then things went way bad at puberty. DD (5mo) loves playing at looking in the mirror and when i see myself I always worry that she will be embarrassed by me at the school gates. 'dont worry mum I can walk home by myself....the crocodile infested river really isnt a problem...pleeease dont pick me up from school.'

Okay so maybe I do have some insecurity issues. ho hum

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:31

I just don't think you are as ugly as you think you are!
Do you have a partner and what do they think?

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:32

from a feminist point of view it does annoy me that there is an expectation to 'do the best you can with what you've got'. Cant I just be myself rather than feeling that myself is an obstacle that needs dealing with every morning?

Obviously I fall way short of this feminist ideal thought process but it would be nice if you genuinely didnt get judged on your appearance.

OP posts:

UnexpectedOrange · 14/11/2011 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:36

Nothing wrong with trying to do the best you can with what you've got if it makes you feel better.

Most of us do it to some extent. Bit of undereye concealer of a morning, a decent haircut, flattering jeans etc... and I do it only because I feel better. Not too fussed with how other people perceive me, used to be hugely so, but it's been a long hard slog to shake that need to meet other expectations.

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:37

My Dh was making pointed comments of a 'how come there is still a tummy bulge now the baby is out?' nature so I will not be soliciting his opinion any time soon.

But I met him at uni where I was reasonably popular for some reason....possibly I was unthreatening in the extreme? There were lots and lots of virginal (sp?) boys who had never dreamed of speaking to girls there, which I think I definitely cashed in on.

Have had several heart to hearts with single female friends along the lines of 'why cant I get a guy if you can' and I do believe the answer was two parts location to one part timing.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:37

Have you been told you're ugly entropy

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:39

Tell him to fuck right off, cheeky bastard.
That's just physiology.
When he develops a middle-aged paunch, ask him why there's a tummy bulge when there was never any baby!

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 17:42

I dont think anyone should be a role model based on their looks. Looks are a temporary thing. Anyone could lose their looks at any moment.

There is nothing wrong in having your daughter want to copy a hairstyle, or dress in a similar way, but that is where it should stop really.

I am trying to think who my role models were as I grew up.. I think my first one would have been George from the Famous Five... (I was always a tomboy!).. and in my teens I would admire the abilities of women who were in jobs that were previously only thought of as male.. I looked a bit like Susannah Hoffs from the Bangles, but that was just the way I happened to look.. I didnt actually try to emulate any particular person.

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:43

my morning routine involves pencilling in some eyebrows otherwise people cant tell whether I am serious or joking and adding a little mascara for similar reasons. Maybe some concealor would be a good idea! Thing is that I went into boots once for 'wedding make up' and am still scarred 11 years later. (apparently my bottom lip is acceptable but nothing much else!) Maybe marrieds suggestion of theatrical make up is a good one....

I think I need to make peace with this business before I infect my DD.
Before this thread I honestly didnt realise I had so many 'issues'. Well you live and learn.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 17:45

But I met him at uni where I was reasonably popular for some reason....possibly I was unthreatening in the extreme?

Or maybe you were/are a nice person who is fun to hang around with, and a lovely personality is often something that can make anyone attractive. Only shallow people base their desires on looks alone.

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:47

DB good grief yes....from DM to school friends who used to play 'if I was as ugly as you I would....'

but I actually am...so I shouldnt really feel bitter and all in all I wouldnt trade any of my 'assets' for better looks.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:48

So you are fair then like me! Concealer if fab. I know if i look in the mirror and I look tired, it actually drains me. A little bit of concealer and blusher just makes me look a little, well, more alive I suppose.
It's not about trying to acquire great beauty.

Possibly you were funny, nice, kind generous - it's not all about looks. You say you don't want other people just to focus on looks, and if you are "ugly" (which I doubt you are) then presumably that's what other people have already done.

Original poster

entropygirl · 14/11/2011 17:49

Ahh if only all ltaa people were funny and kind and smart and good at sports to make up for it..... I think I can safely say that I am occasionally funny but the word kind/nice cant be applied no matter how hard I try.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6