Excluded from Husbands Family Celebration Trip to New York

[FanjoTootie]

So, DH just came in and told me that he is to go off to New York with his family for a week celebrating Mothers 60s BDay. It appears to be an exclusive event and neither my daughter or myself (15months now - 19month at the time) are not invited.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to be a bit miffed? Obviously there is a hint of jealousy in mixed in to things - but more that anything I'm feeling pretty hurt.

Am I being unreasonable or should I just suck it up?

Why do they need counselling?

Big's going to NY with her mum and the OP's envious. Seems pretty normal to me as long as he gets over the and huffiness.

Out of curiosity.... is this the way you two usually solve your disagreements? Open it to a panel of judges to decide which of you is reasonable and which is not reasonable? I wonder if relationships would work better if we all did this :)

I was originally on the side of the OP as far as it being unfair to be told that you are going. But with all the additional info the DW of OP has added I think DH is being a little selfish. He has had his fun and boys nights away. What is the big harm of DW going away with mum and sister for 4 days to celebrate their mother's 60th birthday and her overcoming cancer. I can understand DH being upset that he wasn't invited but he has to be a little less sensitive.

Erm... leave the bastard?

LOL!

My position remains the same. The situation is different from the original presentation.

Bigdwight - go and have a great time.

FanjoTootie YOU are being unreasonable and should suck it up. Very selfish.

Having recently done a long journey with 2 kids (long flight/drive) I can assure you it isn't much fun. In fact I'd rather stay at home next time.

Have you name changed bigdwight as you seem to have no previous posting history? If not then-wow-what a humdinger of a first post-you and dh both.

This took a strange turn

My stance is exactly the same. It is a nice idea and there shouldn't be some top trumps of family priorities, where the wife and child take precedence over the parent.

Whoever the hell the OP is, let you other half go away and have a nice time with their mum, and stop moaning about it.

So this isn't AIBU by stealth.

It's AIBU by proxy by stealth.

Or it could be AIBU by proxy by stealth by troll....

Whoever the hell the OP is, let you other half go away and have a nice time with their mum, and stop moaning about it

Quite!

I suspect Big has namechanged -- perhaps so her DH doesn't learn her regular posting name.

Or else this is a convoluted experiment by a very bored sociology postgrad.

I reiterate what I said earlier - If MY family asked this, I would refuse unless my husband and children were involved. Or at the very least, I would bring up with my family why they weren't involved in a 'family' celebration. And if it was still me only - I would ASK, and arrange a similar amount of time for my HUSBAND to spend with HIS family alone. Anything else is BU IMO.

And YES - I DO have ds's - 3 of them. And I would NEVER exclude my DIL's or DGC like this. I would EXPECT my DS's to put their wives and children first. You have children to help them grow and spread their wings and fly - not to keep them tied to you by some sense of duty forever! In fact, if my DS's put me before their wives and dc - I would be giving them a serious flea in their ear. I would rather spend time with my DS's WHOLE family rather than just my DS's alone - and I'm sure I will enjoy the company of my DIL's and DGC more often than if I insisted on monopolising my ADULT DC's time without THEIR FAMILY.

IMO that's the marker of a GOOD MIL as opposed to a BAD MIL.

Where are all the YANBUs now?

My stance also remains unchanged. If DM wanted me to come away with her and DF/DB for a special birthday trip I'd expect DH to be on side with that. If DPIL invited DH away for a special birthday trip then I'd be fine with that (slightly but basically fine).

Whoever went would owe the other an indeterminate number of late passes (which in this case the DH appears already to have taken).

A week would be pushing it a bit, but it's not a week in fact, it's a long weekend, naughty OP. It wouldn't be OK if OP was ill or DC were tiny, but they're not. So yeah, YABU, and think yourself lucky to have got off without a side order of LTB.

More than anything else, this thread shows how often we judge situations without knowing the full facts of both sides of the story.

The OP (whoever it was) did not paint the full picture.

Who on earth is big and why is he/she picking on me - this this trolling normal on mumsnet or is it a case of mistaken identity?!

Or is time for us all to join up and offer a barrelful of ?

I'm off to clean the bathroom....will check in later. Bloody interesting thread whichever way...I think we can all agree on that.

Me too Mofo.

Ooh, fanjo you're in SUCH big trouble! Wait til your DW gets home!

Tried to PM Big ... accoutn no longer exists? Will be contacting mods/admins

Good effort. 8 /10 well done on exceedingly good and innocent trolling you two (one)!