Excluded from Husbands Family Celebration Trip to New York

[FanjoTootie]

So, DH just came in and told me that he is to go off to New York with his family for a week celebrating Mothers 60s BDay. It appears to be an exclusive event and neither my daughter or myself (15months now - 19month at the time) are not invited.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to be a bit miffed? Obviously there is a hint of jealousy in mixed in to things - but more that anything I'm feeling pretty hurt.

Am I being unreasonable or should I just suck it up?

Hmmm I'd say if you are the DW of the OP, you really have marriage issues that you should be worrying about rather than bickering and point scoring on an internet forum about trying to prove each others points.

Yes to 3 - 4 days. No to a week. If only because this couple clearly need to save the holiday time and have a long weekend away together rather than having separate holidays all the time!

I wuldn't dream of a week away without talking it through with my DH. I my family it is expected that DH and the DC DO come first. They are my responsibility (the dc's are at least). DH would do the same (he'd be begging me to go too as likes to see his mother "with company").

For those expecting to be as important in your dc's lives when they are married and with dc's of their own. I fear you will be horribly disappointed. We as DM's have our time where we are the centre of the universe for our DC, they (mostly) do what we plan etc. However at some point most grow up, become independent. It does not mean that they would love us any less but they have other priorities DH/W and DC that are more important.

That's how it works in my family I have gone out for the odd day with my DM without DH and DC's but I discuss it with my dh as it would impact on him. I would find a week away very hard to justify.

mumofthreekids surely spending a week of annual leave on something for yourself every now and again is no sin, is it? Dh gets 5 weeks a year, if he used one week a year on himself, that still leaves 4 for us! Not that it matter now, 'cause bigdwight says its only 4 days anyway.

Sorry, I still dont understand.

Who is going to New York? Which two daughters? Is it the man or the woman in the couple? Is she going with her sister? Or is he going with her sister?

ENLIGHTEN ME, I AM CONFUUUUUSED!

bigdwight if you are the spouse being talked about in the op, then I still think you need to ask your spouse, rather than tell them. You are expecting them to do all the child care while you are away, so asking rather than informing might get you more of what you want. Likewise, your husband needs to ask you when he wants to go away, rather than tell you. If it's inconvenient for you, then say so, don't suck it up. Spouses need to put each other ahead of their separate social lives, or there won't be much of a marriage to come back to.

However, your post does put a different spin on things. If your husband has had, and continues to have, lots of time away, doing his own thing, then it seems entirely fair for you to have this too. The cancer diagnosis also puts a different complexion on things.

Agree that you need to talk and that there has to be equality and fairness in the marriage.

IF he has been going away with his parents regularly, and on a boys only holiday already without his wife and child, and this is in fact NOT a one off, then the OP (if the op is a the wife who has been left behind regularly) not unreasonable to be miffed if she is left behind when he goes to New York now.

IF he has been going away with his parents regularly, and the op is in fact the man in the couple, and the wife is now going on a one off trip to New York with her mum and sister, he has absolutely NO reason to be miffed. It is the wifes turn to go away. HE has already set a precedent for a marriage where it is OK for one partner to go away and leave the other to cope with work and childcare.

I dont know what is what here, but I think the above cover my opinions on both scenarios, whichever one of them is real. (If any are real, that is)

Never mind a trip to New York, you two need to take a trip to Relate.

Thanks Quint. I thought I had it, but I'm now totally confused.

hear hear Squeaver.

huh?

So...the OP is actually a bloke, and is the dh, right? The OP has a problem with his wife going to NY with her parents for her mum's 60th, seemingly for 4 days rather than the full week previously detailed?

The OP's wife has posted saying her DH has the huffy puffs because he has not been invited, and details instances where HE has gone off for jollies on his own without his wife, yes?

Well well well - what have the naysayers to add now?

My stance remains exactly the same.

Big is going to NY with her mum and her sister.

The OP (Big's DH) feels left out, hence posting in AIBU. To be fair on him at no point has he said it's selfish or anything else of his DW to go - he admitted to feeling envious (which is perfectly reasonable).

YANBU for feeling a bit envious and wishing you could go OP. You would be VVU to give your DW a guilt trip over this or to try and stop her from going.

That is all

Likewise pictish

One more thing - it's a bit of an extrapolation to deduce from this that the OP and his wife have marital issues.

It is inappropriate for me to laugh my arse off at this turn of events btw?

Yes, my stance is also the same, let the partner enjoy time in new york with mum!

If you google NY with kids you do not get any results -a googlewhack. On no -my mistake -you get 1,230,000,000 in 0.37 seconds. Sweet FA for kids in NY -not sure how the millions living there cope.

Yeah- now go through them and see how many, as an adult, you'd actually choose to go to. Of course there is loads to do for kids in NY- I mean- duh- like there wouldn't be?- but how many of them do you want to travel 7hrs to do. That's the question. If you really want to travel 7 hrs to go to NY soft play, be my guest.

I think maybe people who think NY with a toddler would be as much fun as NY without have a different idea of fun to me. They're possibly the same people who think you can do the Moma in 30 mins.

Challenging common sense...hehehe

My stance is the same also. She should have discussed it with you first - although the fact that you have had trips away yourself (without much consultation) evens up the score a bit in her favour. The only other thing that might make a difference is that it is, presumably, an "all girls" trip, in which case it might not be quite what you had in mind. DH is off on a boyz trip in February with my blessing - rugby and beer, not my thing at all. The original plan was a long weekend skiing, mixed sexes - I'd have been well-hacked-off to be left out of that.

Bigdwight: YANBU

FanjoTootie aka the OP: YAB even more U than I previously stated

Also I suspect you are mocking us with the 'FanjoTootie'

I liked it - that's why I quoted you.

But for all my bluster, I am not at all scary. I am very nice...if somewhat...err....directional at times?

Not at all, and there is only one's MN response

"HE IS CONTROLLING AND A NARCISSIST. CALL WOMENS AID NOW."

IF OP and Big are married to each other, I agree they need counselling.

And I stick to my point that going away is something you discuss (btw my DH had my kids for 2 weeks, when eldest was 3 and youngest 9 months, no problem). Also a week is very different from a long weekend (3 to 4 days).

Yes, I'm waiting for the influx of 'Well you never told us you were a MAN...if that's the case YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU and a controlling, abusive, narcissist to boot of COURSE your wife should go away on holiday with her parents! What's your problem you big JAILER!'

Ohhhhh I am loving this.