Excluded from Husbands Family Celebration Trip to New York

[FanjoTootie]

So, DH just came in and told me that he is to go off to New York with his family for a week celebrating Mothers 60s BDay. It appears to be an exclusive event and neither my daughter or myself (15months now - 19month at the time) are not invited.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to be a bit miffed? Obviously there is a hint of jealousy in mixed in to things - but more that anything I'm feeling pretty hurt.

Am I being unreasonable or should I just suck it up?

Well said Tummy

Unless this poses massive problems financially for the OP (and I don't think it does as she said she had enough money to fund herself going to NY) or in terms of childcare (ie one parent taking a week off to go on holiday = one week short on childcare the rest of the year) then I really, really don't see there being a problem.

^^

Damn cross post!!

Sigh...

What would we think if we take on board the following:

The trip is not for a week, its 4 days leaving Saturday returning Tuesday

The OP is not a DW but a DH

DH has already enjoyed a 5 day long boys week away earlier this year, leaving DW to deal with their year old baby alone just 2 weeks after she returned to work after mat leave to a reasonably high pressure job. DW was not too happy about the timing but sucked it up and got on with it.

PIL's has previously paid for DH to enjoy a week in the South Of France and a week in southern Italy in previous summers. Also has funded trips to London, expensive meals out etc.

PIL also care for baby once a week in order to help cut down on childcare costs.

MIL simply wants to spend a few days away with her 2 daughters to celebrate her birthday - a bithday a few years ago she thought she may not see as treated extensively (and so far successfully) for cancer. Originally planned to go to NY some years ago but cancelled due to cancer diagnosis.

DH has fairly regular weekends away to see friends down south, next trip coming up fairly soon, last one was over the summer where again DW looks after DD with no issues.

Yeah I am serious. Thanks.

Its a bit different to going off with mates. Or off somewhere for a weekend. Its a week, to another country in a different time zone, on a family celebration.

Either you are family or your not. I really think its MiL saying you aren't important enough to me, and no we can't make any allowances for partners.

DiL could quite easily go an do her on thing for a few days in NY with DD. Child friendly things even. How on earth do mothers in NY cope ?

Its the week, abroad that really is the issue.

YABU, let him go and have fun with his Mum on her birthday, why dont you and DD do something nice while he is away? Would you really want to be in New York with DD at that age?
Just because you are married, you dont have to do everything together y'know. File this away for later usage, when YOU want a weekend away!

clam actually he did present it to me as a done deal, with a good 8 weeks notice. This is because I am his wife, not his boss. He does it very rarely, and there is never a perfect time for one of us to go away. He knows the flow of our weekend, and whilst he is away I can choose to cancel the usual weekend stuff (I have 4dc so quite busy) or do it myself. No big deal!

Shuffle, the OP has ALREADY had a week away to HIMSELF!!

The trip is not for a week, its 4 days leaving Saturday returning Tuesday

The OP is not a DW but a DH

DH has already enjoyed a 5 day long boys week away earlier this year, leaving DW to deal with their year old baby alone just 2 weeks after she returned to work after mat leave to a reasonably high pressure job. DW was not too happy about the timing but sucked it up and got on with it.

PIL's has previously paid for DH to enjoy a week in the South Of France and a week in southern Italy in previous summers. Also has funded trips to London, expensive meals out etc.

PIL also care for baby once a week in order to help cut down on childcare costs.

MIL simply wants to spend a few days away with her 2 daughters to celebrate her birthday - a bithday a few years ago she thought she may not see as treated extensively (and so far successfully) for cancer. Originally planned to go to NY some years ago but cancelled due to cancer diagnosis.

DH has fairly regular weekends away to see friends down south, next trip coming up fairly soon, last one was over the summer where again DW looks after DD with no

Why is the week an issue? How would it be better to go for 4 days/3 days whatever. If you are going for 4 days you might as well go for 7.

What are you actually talking about Bidwight. Is it a hypothetical scenario or your scenario? If the latter, you may get better responses if you are posting a separate thread. I am a bit confused how this related to the op on this thread.

I've been thinking about this a lot today and have to say that if my mum was offering me this trip, then as much as I would like to see NY, I would not feel happy leaving my dh and dc for a week so that I could go on holiday. I would miss them and would want to share that experience with them. And I say that as someone who has a close relationship with my mum.

I think that if you are a married couple with no dc, then there is a lot more scope to do your own thing, independently of each other. Once you have children, then you can't just decide to bugger off for a week and effectively tell your partner that they will be covering your arse and doing your share of the parenting. It's polite to ask, is it not?

What's wrong here is that not only is the mil disregarding the fact that her son has a son, but the dh wants to do this and doesn't even think/care about the impact on his partner.

Hear Hear QS! What scenario are you painting there Bigdwight - are you in some way connected to the OP and her situation?

Its MY scenario because the OP is in fact my husband. Recognised the scenario, read it and realised he was talking about me...he has missed out a few important points though hence my post!

Signing off now, will talk to him tonight!

Ooh I do love a thickening plot!

Off to Asda to get the popcorn in - anyone want some whilst I'm there?

Oh I see - couldn't understand why BW kept posting the same thing!!

Well OP I'm with you - as my post said, OK if it's 3-4 days rather than a whole week.

oooh bigdwight I was wondering what you were on about! I thought I had missed something important! I would hat eit if dh were on Mumsnet
So - you are the one going away, and he doesn't like it

Why is 4 days ok, but not 7. I just don't get it.

You can still be a family whilst doing separate things within that unit. There are 5 of us in my immediate family - sometimes we split off and do things that we enjoy separately. It doesn't mean I feel upset if DH and DS go off to the cinema or whatever together.

If you take that one step futher, it should be perfectly possible here for one part of the OP's family to go and do something fabulous together. They are still an extended family, they just don't have to be joined at the hip.

As to what NY mothers do - I imagine they do the same as us. Go to children's musuems, meet their friends, go to soft plays, eat early in child-free restaurants, look forward to adult-only holidays when they can escape the kids for a while (and enjoy them even more if someone else is paying). You know, that kind of thing....

I mean BW not OP! Confusing!!

bigdwight I was on your side anyway especially now you add in all the stuff you just mentioned!

tummy because a full week of annual leave is a big difference IMO that a weekend away plus a day or 2 of annual leave

So, erm.... who wants to go away? Who's objecting? Not that it should make any difference, except for the fact that there are some pertinent points missing, which might affect the verdict.
Sorry

Right, I'm confused - OP could you clarify? This is what I understand:

OP is Big's DH. Big has been invited to go to NYC with her mum - Mr Big is feeling a bit hurt and left out. However Mr Big has been away a few times recently so it's not like he's been hard done by on the holiday front.

Big's parents have previously paid for Mr Big to go on family hols so as a rule he's included in these things - this is a special one off however.