Basically kicked out of an NCT lunch as my baby was crying

[ozpom73]

In my NCT group there are 8 couples, each of us having had our babies a few months ago. One couple offered to host lunch at their place just over a week ago. My husband was working, so I went alone.

My 20 week old DS had a mini meltdown - he was tired and didn't want a nap and was possibly over-stimulated. Everyone hadn't arrived yet, so it was still at the drinks/nibbles part. The hostess suggested I take DS for a walk. I explained I didn't have my buggy. Before I understood what the hell had happened, her husband had brought out her buggy chassis and attached my DS's carseat to it. I was promptly ushered out of the front door. I stood there, rather dumstruck by what had occurred - was I really just kicked out because DS was crying?

Please bear in mind that it was an NCT lunch - every adult there was a parent. My DS is the oldest at 20 weeks and was certainly NOT the only baby who had a meltdown before/during/after that.

I don't know why, but I did return and did go back inside and stay for lunch - perhaps I was hungry? Perhaps I had over-reacted?

What is interesting is that every other friend who is also a parent that I've told that story to since has been horrified and said that my NCT 'friend' was really rude.....I now have no interest in maintaining a friendship with this group as a whole. There are one or two women who I like, but one friend nailed it today when she asked me: 'If you didn't all have children, would you be friends with them - are they your sort of people?' - to which I've concluded, not really, no.

So, was I being unreasonable that I felt upset?

So all of us who said that it was not odd are obviously weird too.

I give up once again. Have the point.

People really think what the husband did was not a bit odd?

I think the OP has misinterpreted the scenario due to being a little oversensitive and perhaps over tired.

Where does it day that the host picked the OP's baby up?

This is how I see it:

Baby: Wails
Hostess: Why don't you take him for a walk?
OP: I don't have my buggy
Hostess: DP would you sort out our buggy for ozpom so she can take her baby round the block? She doesn't have hers.

Host goes and sorts out the pram (which includes putting the OP's carseat onto it), wheels pram to door.

That is all. I really don't see the problem here.

When DD was about 3 weeks old I parked her pram by a set of shelves in a crowded shop so I could look at something about 10 feet away where the pram wouldn't go. As I glanced over to check on it, I saw a woman standing by the pram looking at something on one of the shelves, but blocking my view of the pram and DD.

Yes! The bitch! How DARE she stand between me and my child in a public place! How DARE she want to look at goods on a shelf where my DD was in the way! I swear to God I wanted to kill her with my bare hands At that moment I totally understood how wild animals like bears or tigers will kill someone who stands physically between them and their cubs.

I reckon that when any of my DCs were 20 weeks old, if someone had picked them in their carseat up and walked off with it without a by-your-leave I think I would feel much the same. I wonder whether the OP had a similar surge of anger and has attributed it more to the being excluded than the "taking the baby away without asking."

I just don't understand though what 20 week old AKA 5 month old is doing in a car seat when you're at a NCT lunch, especially one that is crying. A 5 month old is too old to be rocked in a car seat to sleep, they are too aware of their environment and be over stimulated. Newborns being rocked in car seats makes sense but even then not distressed ones.

Baby was in carseat Jenai, next to OP

I was in a shop once and DD was crying, the woman in front of me in the queue in a microsecond had unclipped pushchair and picked DD up without a by - your - leave.

I posted on here at the time and most people concurred that it was a bit strange!

But they were a stranger! Totally different circumstance!

No it's not what I would do either balloonslayer, but it is up to the parent what they do within reason, whether other approve or not, IYSWIM.

If OP wants to rock baby in carseat that is her perogative - she knows her baby - and this was an event with lots of babies all intermittently crying. Not up to anyone else to pick baby up put it in pushchair and steer to door IYSWIM.

The host should have asked her if she wanted to borrow a pushchair rather than just getting on with it like that IMO.

i agree with niminypiminy

ummm I'm on the fence. Your friends knew your baby would sleep with a little walk and the baby clearly needed it. Maybe they thought they were being helpful in finding a sloution

My NCT were lovely women, a mix of working and non working. We are still close mates almost a decade after we first met and two of them are my best friends

"People really think what the husband did was not a bit odd?"

If we take the OP's version of events at 100% face-value, then yes, what he did was odd.

What people are trying to do though, is give him the benefit of the doubt and attribute well-meant reasons behind what he did.

It manifested itself in a clumsy, rather bossy way - but there's no concrete reason to believe that he wasn't genuinely trying to help. No reason until we hear his side of the story, which we never will, obviously.

Oh, and did I seriously see the phrase 'picked off by hired assassins' in relation to a group of post-natal Mums?!

I wish I could say what I want to say but I will get in trouble (again) (not with HQ I hasten to add).

OP YABU and - though it is not your really your fault this thread has grown enormous - you really need to let it go. S'not a big deal. Choose your battles. Stay mates with them, don't stay mates with them. Meh.

I have skimmed the thread.

I think it was weird, and rude, for the host to pick up the baby in his carseat (assuming that is what happened).

However, I also think it's pretty rude not to remove a screaming ("mini meltdown") baby from a large lunch party. I think the OP should have at least gone into another room with her DS. I'm not really surprised the hosts wanted to encourage the OP to take her DS away for a bit - even if they did do so rather pushily.