AIBU to expect people to buy 2 presents for my daughter who's birthday is 23rd December, and not one joint one for Xmas AND birthday?

[whatkatiedidnext31]

This is starting to make my blood boil, as a few family members have said about buying a joint present for her, however surely nobody would say this if her birthday was in June? Am I just being super sensitive???

My friend was a Boxing Day baby, but from a very young age (she can't remember it being any other way) she has had what would be her birthday celebrations on her "half birthday" so instead of 4th birthday for example she had a 4 and halfth birthday party/presents etc. Her actual birthday was still marked as a quiet family occasion at home with a cake etc, but the main event was in the summer. She's carried this on in to her adult life and we still celebrate her half birthday as the main one.

YABU, and risk teaching her to be selfish and grasping. I have a birthday near Christmas too and never minded this (and was always puzzled by people 'commiserating' about it!).

My sister's birthday is christmas eve and DH's birthday is 22nd Dec, they both always get, even now, presents for both, would never enter my head otherwise! My sister has liked to moan over the years about being hard done to, but she has ALWAYS had presents for both, so that's just her

so wanting your child to have their birthday recognised and celebrated now makes them 'selfish and grasping'

i am glad you arent bothered by it ephiny, but seriously lots of kids are bothered, would you like to explain to 2 of my children why they dont get birthday presents when their other 3 siblings do, just because their birthdays are near xmas and not in the summer like their siblings?!!

I feel more sorry for January babies... the weather's miserable, the credit card bills are in and everybody's partied out.

Sister's birthday early January

She says she always looks forward to my gift to her as I spend the same on her other sister- if that emans she gets soemthing nicer in sales then lucky her

Whereas so many others buy her something for a fiver: she doesn't say it in a grabbing way I think but she spends X on them after all, reciprocation is the norm. She always gets nasty sets Boots couldn't sell and novelty gifts- or as Mum calls it 'ooh look sister has been given pre-landfill again' (it goes to charity shop).

Uncle born Christmas day, he always gets one present but OTOH nobody can stand him (really is an aggressive rqacist sod) but uses birthday to push his way into people's homes for Christmas: well he used to until parents booted him out one year at time of first bus after he was spotted wandering about naked at 3am stealing their chocs.

And yes what 4madboys says.

Luckily ds1's birthday 3rd Dec, and that's ahrd enough to get party veues for (or was, he's 12 next month) without gift meanness as well.

i am a january birthday the 19th and i always find it fine, its SALES time!! and the weather never bothered me and i found parties fine as well, never had a problem with it tbh.

and re gift sets of smelllies etc, i can see how those would end up being presents for a jan birthday, but as i have eczema and am highly allergicv, my family and friends etc all know that i cant have these, so i never get given them, ihtink once or twice i did and i just passed them on to the charity shop.

Sister;s is a bit earlier- 7th, in the old days school tended not to be beack and nobody up for aprties, especially if invite given them before Christmas hols at school!

So that may be it, perhaps?

yes peachy i shall just tell ds3 who will be 7 on the 23rd of dec that unlike his siblings he cant have bday presents as he was born near xmas thats just riddiculous and yes parties are a pita, ds3 will have his the first wkend of the xmas hols, so the 16th/17th and he is having a small party at home (build a bear done on the cheap!) as hiring venues...hahahha.

dd's bday is the 5th dec, so not too close to xmas, and she will only be one this year, so will just be having a birthday tea with me, dp and her brothers, one bonus of 5 kids is i already have enough for bday tea party without bothering to invite anyone and she will just get token small presents i e stacking cups, tea set etc, cos she is only one, and hasnt got a clue, but in the future i dont expect her to get joint presents or have less of a fuss just because she is born near xmas. which is what i expect for ds3 as well, and he is very close to xmas, i remember the year he was born, our xmas pictures show the birth pool that was still in the living room and our decorations were a bit minimal, it was lovely tho i just sat cuddled up wiht baby and fed him whilst the others opened presents etc, a very quiet family xmas and we got visitors to wait till the new year!

yes earlier in jan would be a pita as you arent back at school intime to hand out invites i agree any given before the holidays would be lONG forgotten about.

i had a week or two back at school before mine so time to sort invites etc, tho i didnt have loads of parties as a kid, well a few big ones but mainly just smaller ones with 5 or 6 friends type thing, oh and weather wasnt an issue for many years as i lived in Sardinia and then cyprus!!!

I think it's really painful but it is hard for people to really distinguish a birthday present in all the madness of xmas.

Ideally you should be really honest and try to say you mind.
my niece has her bday on 27th dec. I always make sure her present is in non xmas paper and her card isn't a xmas card and that mother gets sent it in november so it doesn't get lost in the post.

But I think you have to be realistic. Xmas is a hideously high pressure time for all the present givers. It's really hard to pull it all off, we're all under so much pressure. Xmas babies get a rough deal, the alternative is to give a summer half birthday and ask for her presents then.

YANBU.

I hated having mine and DD1's birthday presents wrapped in xmas paper. I also hated xmas decorations being up over my 21st (birthday is 6th so far away enough to delay putting them up).
I feel for my mam this year as it's her 60th on the 10th and getting a venue is a pita, people are skint due to xmas so presents/party drinks can be difficult and so many people are already out on a works' xmas night that night.
DD1's birthday is 3rd Jan and again a bit of a pita organising her party mid-Dec when she was at school due to needing rsvp's back before term finished, but then people forgot about it over the holidays. I do end up getting her birthday present around xmas (sales are a bonus!).

I don't understand why it's greedy.

for instance. You have 2 children. one born in june and one born in december.

those people in your life who give gifts give your june born child a gift on their birthday and make a fuss of them on their birthday and buy them a gift for christmas

your december baby, however, gets the one gift "for your birthday and christmas"

It isn't about the value of the gift. And nobody has to get your children anything.

But it isn't fair to make a fuss of one, have one who actually has a birthday, while the other one, because they happen to have been born around the time of a festival, doesn't get the same special treatment.

If anyone can give a reason that makes sense why it is fair to give the june child a gift on their birthday and one at christmas, while giving the december child the one gift for both and lumping the two events together
and a reason why it is greedy to want people who choose to give gifts to your children on their birthday and at christmas to do it for your december child too

I will happily change my mind.

This is not about people having to give your children anything. They don't. But if they do, and they give others gifts for both - why doesn't the december child deserve the same?

Exactly Hecate!

YANBU, I'm a December baby too and although I would never have dreamed of saying anything, I did feel sad as a child when people bought me joint presents. Now that I'm an adult, I can see that December is a really expensive month and the people who did joint presents were the ones who really couldn't afford another set of presents so I feel mean for my childhood sadness!

My mum saw what was happening and my brother was an August baby

My dd will experience the joint present for the first time this year. The giver said "she won't mind will she" not in a tone to argue with. Actually it may be more high value but frankly dd doesn't understand value but she does understand that she won't get a gift on xmas day from someone who will be giving her db one. I am going to get something small and give it to the present giver to wrap up and give to dd. I don't care if its grasping at straws but I think she deserves to open something on xmas day.

DS is a December baby as well and family are always really good about giving 2 gifts. He'll be 2 this year so not really aware of who the presents are from IYSWIM so if anyone asks then we ask for a present for now (and divide them up between birthday and christmas) and vouchers for the other one so that we can buy outdoor toys in the summer. This halves the thinking power for givers and means that DS doesn't miss out on the summer toys.

countess excellent way of dealing with it.

Otherwise

I agree with Hecate / Pag / XaosTrulyReigns / Sevenfold (please delete as appropriate and randomly paste on threads over the weekend for me as going to stay with my Mum. Ta )

Cairn good diea

My older 2 Dec and Jan babies: we did always have a lack of summer stuff.
Luckily ds3 / ds4 July and April.

YABU. Christmas can be a hugely expensive and stressful time of year - it's not about the money or amount of gifts, surely, it's that they care enough to be a part of DD's life.

Amen Hecate.
That's exactly what we mean. It's nothing to do with money, price, 'expectations' etc. It is the assumption that because our birthdays fall too close the 'Almighty Day of Christmas', we don't deserve to be recognized.

I pissed my parents right off for my 21st. It was Christmas, my 21st and the Millennium in the space of one week. I spent that week drunk at a friends summer house on the coast and got spoilt rotten by the bunch I was with!

Lyingwitchinthewardrobe'I feel more sorry for January babies... the weather's miserable, the credit card bills are in and everybody's partied out.'

How right you are. Mines on Jan 4th. I can't tell you how many birthday meals I've had out in deserted restaurants surrounded by wilting Christmas decorations. And when I was small it was always the first day back at school, or later on, work Awful.

I don't get the 'christmas is an expensive time' argument.

there are 365 days in a year. if you can buy presents for other people who have birthdays at other times in the year, why can't you buy a present for someone who has a birthday around christmas? Buy it in Jan, Feb, March, April, May, June, July, Aug, Sept, Oct or Nov. I can't buy a present for this child at any point in the year because their actual birthday is in december.

eh?

I mean, it's not like the birthday has been moved to christmas without warning The entire year, you knew it was then.

Your brother gets a present for his birthday because it's in may, but you don't get one for your birthday because it's in december, so you'll get a christmas present only and that will be for your birthday too. That? oh, that's your brother's christmas present.

erm...

nobody HAS to buy a present for anybody. But if people CHOOSE to buy gifts, then they should be FAIR

I think it is a thoughtless thing to do.
A child needs to have their birthday celebrated, not merged into another event. This is unfair on Christmas born children.