AIBU to expect people to buy 2 presents for my daughter who's birthday is 23rd December, and not one joint one for Xmas AND birthday?

[whatkatiedidnext31]

This is starting to make my blood boil, as a few family members have said about buying a joint present for her, however surely nobody would say this if her birthday was in June? Am I just being super sensitive???

[whatkatiedidnext31]

Thank you 4madboys and quicklookbusy, we are not a materialistic household at all, we give to charity when we can, have monthly standing orders etc etc, even though I dont need to justify that blah blah.

As i have added in a few previous comments, I may have worded the initial message wrong, I am a strong believer in fairness, and I hate to see people or children being treated differently to others, and yes at the end of the day presents are present and not THAT important, but hey, I just wanted to get people s feelings on the topic

[SansaLannister]

YABU

[mousyfledermaus]

my nephew has a december birthday.
he celebrates in june because no one would come to his parties because of the holidays...

[QuickLookBusy]

Agree with everything you have just posted 4madboys.

There have been quite a few comments like reeding's in the past few days. Just because someone posts about presents does not mean they do not give to charity.
I was told yesterday that instead of giving a christmas shoebox to charity I should support a local charity instead and send money abroad. We already do both of those things.

Maybe if commenting on present giving/buying, we should all declare in the post how much we give to charity. That should stop people feeling the need to declare how selfish we are and have we ever thought about giving to charity.

[4madboys]

readinamazement we are not saying people have to buy them presents but those that CHOOSE to do so should be fair and that means if you buy a bday and xmas present for one child in a family you do the same for others!

and we donate to charity both financially and with giving stuff to charity shops, my kids regularly help me go through their clothes and toys and we give stuff away to charity, they also fundraise for local charities by doing sponsered events etc. my dp will be running the london marathon for chairty next year. its not one or the other imo.

oh and they actually get charity things as gifts, they have had those goats you buy for a village in africa? and the children got a little toy schleich goat and a postcard explaining that a real goat had gone to someone who needed one.

[whatkatiedidnext31]

Thank you to everyone for their opinions, I have read all of them, lots have made me giggle and smile, I will def be treating it as TWO different celebrations, and have already purchased some arsenic for the relatives that come on the 23rd with a Bday pressie wrapped in Xmas paper, or if i see a hint of a xmas card with 'Happy Birthday' written in it, I shall be slipping a heaped teaspoon straight into their tea, with a broad smile on my face!!! Obv I am joking but we'll see.
To be fair, WE wont join the two events, until she asks for a joint present when she is older.
Merry Birthday! one and all haha!

[readinginamazement]

I no longer live in the UK and my son is 6. In his class, when there is a party, more often than not the invitation says that instead of presents, please donate to XYZ charity (e.g. New Zealand or Tsunami disaster). It's not the parents saying this, from what I can see it's the kids who get involved in a lot of community work locally where we live.

When I read these threads I really I get a bit annoyed. Seriously your kids do not know how lucky they are to be getting so many presents. If I am right, given half the chance, my son would get 20-30 presents for his birthday of he had a party and from relatives and I wonder how many of them are pointless and wasteful. If you want to see someone hard done by then take a look at some of the charities that work in the Philippines where USD100 pays for a 6 year old to go to elementary school for a year and they are given a nutritional lunch as well, which is the only decent meal they get.

Honestly, I despair at you guys. Instead of bleating on about how little your kids get, why not do something else for someone less fortunate than yourselves for a change.

[schoolhelp]

IMHO very unreasonable to expect anyone to give any presents. I only give presents if and whenever I see something that makes me think of someone, so if I don't think of someone then they get nothing. If their blood boils then they can cook. DCs never get birthday presents unless something presents itself on that particular day, and have never minded. They reckon being DC 365/365 is better than 1/365.

[QuickLookBusy]

YANBU

My DD's birthday is next to xmas but no one as ever suggested a joint pressie and she is now nearly 18.

Start as you mean to go on and say from the start that DD is going to celebrate her birthday and then xmas as 2 separate occasions, just like everyone else does.

[Esta3GG]

If the immediate family celebrate the birthday properly I don't see what all the fuss is about. Birthdays aren't all about bleedin' presents. Kids get way too much crap anyway.
To me this really sums up everything that is shite about our mass consumer society.
How about a bit of gratitude that people bothered to buy a present in the first place?

[HecateGoddessOfTheNight]

Ta, Bendy.

[josephinebonaparte]

Yanbu. As a Christmas baby this really pisses me off.

[kmdwestyorks]

the trick is to set rules about what is when,

I have a friend with DC's very early in the new year. they say christams is a gift/toy type thing. their birthday has always been clothing type thing ( or money/vouchers now they're older) and everyone who needs to know this has always known it. They've had a few joint presents but usually when they've been big

It is important to keep it seperate but possibly you might need explain to people that it's not greed but its about two different celebrations and maybe accept people find it a bit more challenging to be able to afford two presents so close together.

Christmas is a family thing, a birthday is a personal thing etc etc

Gift lists help: this for christmas, this for birthday ( but then my family has these anyway to avoid the long hideous tradition of unwearable socks or 6 copies of the same DVD etc etc)

[Pandemoniaa]

Dgd was born on the 2nd January. Her father (ds2) was extremely keen that she didn't arrive before Christmas because he (born 13 December) recalls the years of joint presents that his grandparents, aunt and uncle would "save up" for Christmas Day because, in their words "there's no point sending them down since we'll see you on Christmas Day anyway".

He always said he didn't assume people had to give him presents but couldn't help feel a bit disappointed with these arrangements since nobody ever thought to give the June-born ds1 his birthday and Christmas presents on the same day!

The particular irony to their behaviour was that the PIL's own second child (ds2's uncle) was born on Christmas Eve so they really ought to have been a little more sensitive.

There was a more positive side to this later on though because as a teenager, ds2 could reasonably for a joint present of the sort that was more expensive than would be acceptable for a single gift.

It's still an insensitive thing to do though. If children are to celebrate their birthdays and Christmas with presents then both days should be special. Not run together like some sort of BOGOF promotion.

[DuelingFanjo]

My friend's birthday is on 26th Dec and I have always given her 2 presents, one in christmas paper and one in Birthday wrapping.

Now I have a son born on 22nd Dec and I hope people recognise his birthday. When he's little it may not matter so much but as he gets older I would expect him to be treated the same as his cousins by family who buy presents.

Not sure what I will do to mark his birthday though - I don't really like the idea of half birthdays.

[Thomcat]

I have 3 DDs, 2 of which have birthday's on 17th and 19th of Dec. They get soooooo much that a few people doing joint presents is a FAB idea. That was a) they don;t get as much and b) rather than buy 2 gifty type presents they can get one slightly better present because they can spend a little more money if they only have to buy 1 gift. They still get 2 lots of presents on 2 different days and both birthdays and Christmas are celebrated seperatley. They have no idea that Aunty A only bought them 1 decent present rather than 2 smaller presents.

[BendyBob]

Lol Hands Hecate smelling salts and gin I agree 100% btw!

At school uniform for a birthday. Gawd help us that's cruel! Mind you I was given a school satchel on my birthday by my grandma. I was aged 5, starting school (which I hated) and as I explained earlier my birthday was always on the first day back after Christmas. Ah happy days!

[WidowWadman]

I think until she's old enough to say that she'd like something bigger as a joint present rather than 2 smaller presents, 2 presents are the way to go - my daughter is born just before Christmas, and it is important to us to mark it as her special day and not just lump it in with Christmas

[harassedandherbug]

My dniece was born on the 22nd Dec last year, and I'm due on the 22nd Dec this year! I wouldn't dream of NOT buying dn seperate presents and hope nobody else in the family does either. At least sil and I will be able to tackle it together! We have quite a large family though as our dh's are brothers and there are four brothers. That's a lot of nieces/nephews!

My friend is 28th Dec birthday and she says she hated it as a child. Her parents made the effort, but otherwise she got lots of joint presents but the same as her two sisters! And in Christmas paper....

[GreyRosesAreMyFavourite]

I'd love my children to get LESS presents and so for me, it would be perfect. Alas, their birthdays are nowhere near Christmas . Children in the UK get way too much and nicer single presents or more useful presents would be so much better imo.

Mine also get school stuff/activity stuff for their birthdays. My SIL bought my daughter waterproof riding trousers in early July and said that was her (October) birthday present but she needed them then so she had them then. The little one gets socks, knickers and vests in her stocking too .

[Abcinthia]

YANBU. My birthday is 23rd December and I really hated joint presents. Especially when my joint birthday and Christmas present was the same present my sister got for Christmas, and she had a seperate present earlier in the year on her birthday!

My birthday is not on Christmas. It's 2 days before. It really made me feel upset as a child because my brother and sister got presents for Christmas AND their birthday, so why couldn't I? Did they prefer my brother and sister to me or were they just lazy, inconsiderate fuckwits?

As for the expensive time of the year argument, buy presents earlier in the year. It's not like I randomly pick a day to celebrate my birthday on!

[Catsdontcare]

4madboys my mil bought ds1 school uniform for his birthday this year

[HecateGoddessOfTheNight]

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

The very next person to say that you have to accept it because it is an expensive time of the year will see me leap right through the computer screen and throttle them !!!!

You are, in fact, allowed to buy things before they are needed. There are 365 days in a year. If you can afford to buy a gift for someone who has a birthday in one of the other 11 months of the year - you can afford to buy a gift for someone who has a december birthday. You just buy it IN ONE OF THE OTHER MONTHS!!!!!!

The argument that you can't do it because December is expensive is totally, 100%, utterly, illogical.

Next person. I tell you. The next one. I will. I'll leap through my pc screen and throttle you with a cable.

[StaceymAloneForver]

i hates having joint presents, my birthday was Jan 1st, amde me resent my birthday as i would be treated twice if I was born in summer, also I hated waiting a whole year for more presents...but thats another issue :)

[porcamiseria]

tough shit, its an expensive time of year!!!! I know what you mean though

I dont think you can make demands of people however

maybe save pressies and split into 2 piles so she has 3 x b day and 3 x xmas

and think that you will have less plastic CACK than some of us