To have a very healthy respect for the 4 women I work with who have decided not to have children?

[Perriwinkle]

Just because I think that in a world where it is almost expected that women who are who either married or in settled relationships should have children, and that it's the logical next step to absolute fulfillment in life, they are not bowing to the pressure from either society or their families and are just pleasing themselves.

They are not focussed and driven career women either who are relentlessly climbing the ladder and have put family plans on the backburner, they just don't want children.

I don't know why but I just find it rather refreshing.

Some people choose not to have children. Others don't want them, then change their mind. Others do wish to have children but they insist to other people that they don't, to avoid nosy questions about infertility and "have you tried XYZ". It's impossible to generalise about any group, whether those with children or without.

I really cannot understand why people are being so arsey with the OP. Ok, find you don't give a fig about whether people have children or not, but the OP realises that life as a childfree woman can be tough and she expressed a bit of support for her colleagues. I don't see the issue at all. OP, you sound lovely to me!

Perhaps her OP should have read "All my misconceptions are now righted"

OP can I just say that I don't find you patronising. I too find it quite refreshing to hear something other than I must be a bit odd to not want children. I am astounded by the amount of people who think it is ok to question my choices or tell me I am weird.

I have even had one friend (male btw) quizzing my husband about it and telling him that he MUST talk to me about it and tell me how he really feels, assuming that DH wants children and I, as the weird unmaternal female, must be stopping him. Does he not think we would have had this conversation before we decided to get married FFS?!!

Can I just say that I adore children - love playing with my friend's little ones - am just glad to go home to a good book and peaceful evening in my tidy home (DH is a clean freak :) ) afterwards.

PosiesofPoison said:

"(Have to say I've never met a selfless parent of one)"

I'd be interested to know what defines "selflessness" in your book Posies?

I don't think I can say I've ever met a "selfless" parent of any number of children. Surely having your own children, however many you chose to have, is an inherently selfish act?

Would a truly "selfless" person (who was all about the advantage of others rather than themself) not prefer to adopt a child/ren who'd been abandoned rather than having their own?

Perri, what I mean by that is the many parents of one fit a child into their schedules and lives as opposed to parents of many that seem to work around their children.

Are you suggesting that it's harder for a parent with only one child to pull off the I am such a martyr everything I do is all about my child(ren) line?

(just turning it around)

Surely it would be better for everyone if both parents and children fitted around each other? Neither should have to entirely work around the needs of the other.

(not the point of the thread, sorry for divergence OP)

Trills please don't apologise. Your point is very valid and spot on too.

I just wanted to get to the bottom of what Posies was driving at that's all. I now know that not only is she peddling the usual daft myths about only children, she's extending that out to making sweeping and ill informed generalisations about the parents of only children too.

She needs to get out and meet a few more people in the real world I think.