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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A jem has come up: is it unreasonable and what do you all do? Warning, I consider it petty.

137 replies

architien · 25/10/2011 10:34

Ok this is a bit weird but I've been "put in my place" (as she will see it) by my step mother last night. On Father's day I sent a printed card with a picture of myself and the grandchildren to wish my dad a happy father's day. Apparently, although unwilling to say anything himself after all these months Shock , my step mother tells me that it was deeply hurtful to only send one card (?!) rather than one from grandchildren and one from myself. The grandchildren were both under two and I had only just given birth to my second child at the time.
Was it hurtful? What do you lot do? Christmas is coming in two months I don't want a repeat of this conversation with her.

OP posts:
mrskeithlemon · 25/10/2011 10:35

YANBU, your step mum is BVVVU

ScarahStratton · 25/10/2011 10:35

I'd send exactly the same card for Christmas too now. Just to make a point. Oh, and she's an unreasonable idiot.

Pancakeflipper · 25/10/2011 10:35

Tell her it was Father's Day. Father's day so his daughter sent a card. Not Grandpa Day.

Crikes - they need more to think about if that's their concerns.

NinkyNonker · 25/10/2011 10:36

Surely the grandchildren wouldn't be sending their grandfather a Father's Day card?! I mean, I sent my Dad one and didn't even mention DD in it...why would I?

JajasWjolef · 25/10/2011 10:37

That's insane, she sounds absolutely barking. I think it's lovely that you sent a card at all, how weird....

MissVerydead · 25/10/2011 10:37

She is being unreasonable.

If your dad was that bothered, then he would/should have said something.

Ormirian · 25/10/2011 10:37

No it wasn't hurtful FFS!

bagelmonkey · 25/10/2011 10:38

There's a separate grandparents day if she wants to get her knickers in a twist, how about the fact that your DC's didn't send cards then?

DogsBeastFiend · 25/10/2011 10:38

What to do?

Ensure that the Christmas card which you send to your family home reads, "To Dad, with love from architien, architien's DH/DP, little architien and baby architien."

Put it in an envelope and address it solely to Mr architiensdad.

Or otherwise tell the interfering old bat to mind her own bloody business and that you, an adult, will send cards as YOU choose.

Better still, do both. I would!

gypsycat · 25/10/2011 10:38

Seriously? And I thought my ex almost mother in law was a beeeatch.

balia · 25/10/2011 10:39

What a cow - is she always like this?

Send separate christmas cards from everyone, each child, you and DH, the cat, the goldfish, the next door neighbours. Arrive with a pack of 30 (all for Dad) 'because SM told me how sensitive you were about it, Dad'.

Go on I DARE you.

iwantbrie · 25/10/2011 10:40

Very petty. Doesn't she have anything more important to worry about? Send the cards you want to at Christmas, preferably signed by/on behalf of all of you.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 25/10/2011 10:40

Your stepmother is being an knob head. YABU for giving her pettiness any of your too too valuable time!

TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 25/10/2011 10:41

Well, its a tricky one for me, as we send three, one from me, one from DS and one from the dog....Grin but they are often handmade/home-printed and we are a family who like cards.

But... I also think its ok to send one so i'm going to say YANBU and Your Step-mum is BVU.

If you think your dad is actually hurt/offended then I would send separate cards - but for your Dads benefit not hers. Cheeky Mare

BoffinMum · 25/10/2011 10:42

Um, how were they meant to write? Are they child geniuses?

Ignore the silly woman.

ScarahStratton · 25/10/2011 10:44

She'd hate me. I don't send cards at all. Mostly because I am lazy and cba to write them Grin

I'll make an exception this year, if you'd like me to send one each to your Dad and SM. In fact, we could all send them one.

StaceymAloneForver · 25/10/2011 10:44

oo oo oo do what balia said Grin that would be awesome

on the original note, she's being pathetic and just picking about nothing imvho

Diamondback · 25/10/2011 10:44

Ask your Dad - 'Would you like separate Christmas cards from the kids, or are you happy with a card from the whole family?' Bet he's fine with a joint card. Your step-mother is weird.

Moomim · 25/10/2011 10:45

YANBU, she is being bizarre. I don't think I'd do anything differently than usual come next card posting time, if your dad minds he'd better tell you

OTheHugeWerewolef · 25/10/2011 10:45

Tell her you were so upset by the fact that your newborn baby hadn't popped out of the womb with a Father's Day card at the ready for your DH, and were so busy berating the infant on your DH's behalf, that it slipped your mind to make your children send another Father's Day card to someone who isn't their father.

PurpleRayne · 25/10/2011 10:45

I don't believe her. I think she is stirring it. In fact, I'd be inclined to call her bluff by speaking directly to dad to say how upset I was to hear that he was so terribly hurt by my father's day card to him, apologise for getting it wrong, and explain that you thought he'd love the card. Hah.

RalphGhoul · 25/10/2011 10:47

Grin at the thought of OP's bewildered dad receiving hundreds of Christmas/birthday/father's day cards from MNers.

Your stepmother needs to FTFO.

PorkChopSter · 25/10/2011 10:47

Go to Moonpig, get a photo card of your family (perhaps even including your dad) and make sure it says "to Dad and his wife" and perhaps even "I hope you get everything you deserve at Christmas" inside. She is stirring Hmm

notcitrus · 25/10/2011 10:48

That is a special kind of bonkers!

I'd talk to your dad and ask if he would prefer scribble from the mini-archies to be in a separate card - watch him look totally confused and then ask stepmum to explain...

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 25/10/2011 10:48

YANBU it's Father's day, not Grandfather's day. I don't even sign the card to my StepD from my DCs.

However, some people have greater expectations regarding cards. My BFs family send individual cards, she sends personal cards to her children and it's all a big part of their traditions. I'd never think of doing that except on birthdays. Your Stepmum for whatever reason places a greater significance on cards than you do, maybe (for the sake of ongoing family harmony) you should find out what she considers appropriate?