A jem has come up: is it unreasonable and what do you all do? Warning, I consider it petty.

[architien]

Ok this is a bit weird but I've been "put in my place" (as she will see it) by my step mother last night. On Father's day I sent a printed card with a picture of myself and the grandchildren to wish my dad a happy father's day. Apparently, although unwilling to say anything himself after all these months , my step mother tells me that it was deeply hurtful to only send one card (?!) rather than one from grandchildren and one from myself. The grandchildren were both under two and I had only just given birth to my second child at the time.
Was it hurtful? What do you lot do? Christmas is coming in two months I don't want a repeat of this conversation with her.

She has been intercepting the post for two years and disposing of your cards, but since your father has retired maybe she suspects he has seen the Fathers Day one?

Or she lost track of her nasty plan to make her children seem more fond of him compared to you and yours, got too ambitious, and tripped herself up by mentioning the Fathers Day card... Lost her own plot in other words.

I think you are going to have quite a little weekend away in a few weeks. She sounds like a piece of work.

I don't like the financial help to her children bit of all this. Is it possible that she is trying to make your dad look as if he's losing his marbles in order to take control of his money?

I feel you pain. I have a stepmum like this (although I don't call her stepmum she married my dad when I was an adult).

But she has rung me on a no. of ocasions when she think's either me or DH have done something wrong (in her eye's she is very fussy on what she considers the correct way to do things). Usealy behind my dad's back it's quit clear she doesn't like my DH. His family have very different way's of doing things and to her that's just worng (he's also quit shy which apperently is also unacceptable).

I think she just does it to stir things up but it's not nice to be on the reciving end it's very upsetting. I've come to the conculsion that generaly she a ok person unless for some reasion you get on her bad side then she has a horrible mean streak. The only reasion why she seem's plesent to us now are the grandkids, it's still painfull staying at there's when DH goes as you can tell she doesn't like him.

Silly moo. I don't believe that your dad was upset by it. She is stirring it! Ask your dad!

I've had a similar conversation with FIL over a card we sent to MIL that the children had made and all written their names in. We also sent a lovely present but didn't send a card from just DH and I and apparently that was the worst thing in the world we could have done. It was the same for my mum with her MIL too cards were all important. So now we make sure that we send a card from the children, made by the children and one from the us and they are happy. Ones with the DC's handprints at christmas alongside a special shop bought or home made one from you and DH should do the trick. It may seem like they abu but if sending extra cards makes them happy then surely it's worth doing to improve the relationship.

math Cor blimey that hadn't occurred to me yet, although I don't think it's beyond her when I remember how she treated her own mother in old age . I suppose I ought to assess if she's muddling my Dad up whilst on the weekend away.

Hi all, update after the weekend away. It seems that she is undermining my Dad constantly. At one point saying "well you shouldn't be here anymore" to my 86yr old grandad then insisting that my Dad took her alone for an afternoon out (on the only full day we had together) leaving myself, Grandad, DH and my young children to clean up after lunch and prepare dinner, I home cooked everything from Venison pies to bread, soup and roast (essentially leave me to it so Grandad could play with my children with the assistance of my DH). It was hard going. I asked my Dad what his favourite part of the weekend had been and he replied "going home". When I asked her if she had enjoyed the weekend she replied "not especially". Hard work. I returned home after 10 hours driving with two young children and my DH snoring for the final few hours to news that my cousin had committed suicide. I'm really tired TBH.

What can one say? and a very unMN ((hug))

I'm a stepmother and I never well, I don't think so poke my nose into my late DH's children's business. I don't poke my nose into my own children's business any more so it's an easy practice to get into. If you give your father a card of whatever sort, it's up to you because you are the one paying for it or making it.

See if you can find a wicked stepmother card for Mothering Sunday.

OMG - sorry but your OP made me laugh.

What is this woman and your Dad on?? They are being U and ridiculous!!! "deeply hurtful" ba ha ha ha ha!! OP not laughing at you, but I do wonder what some people are putting in their tea to make an issue out of this with you.

So sorry to hear about your cousin, please accept my sympathies.

Your stepmum sounds awful, really horrible. Why did your dad saying 'going home' though? That sounds very out of character from what you've told us.

as to what would I do?? My stepMum would never have done anything like this, but my Dad's new girlfriend probably would. I'd hate to cause any upset at Christmas, but seriously, how many families would send a separate card for each member - unless the kiddies make some themselves.

Could you find a quiet moment with your Dad and have a convo with him directly? Surely he know there is no intention to hurt him - possibly your StepMonster is making it all up to cause some issues???