A jem has come up: is it unreasonable and what do you all do? Warning, I consider it petty.

[architien]

Ok this is a bit weird but I've been "put in my place" (as she will see it) by my step mother last night. On Father's day I sent a printed card with a picture of myself and the grandchildren to wish my dad a happy father's day. Apparently, although unwilling to say anything himself after all these months , my step mother tells me that it was deeply hurtful to only send one card (?!) rather than one from grandchildren and one from myself. The grandchildren were both under two and I had only just given birth to my second child at the time.
Was it hurtful? What do you lot do? Christmas is coming in two months I don't want a repeat of this conversation with her.

Does it seem like the sort of thing your father would be bothered by? I know my own Dad wouldn't have even known it was Father's Day if no-one told him about it!

She is BVVVUUU and needs to get a life!

I would now go OTT at Christmas. You need to send:

Merry Christmas Father card from you to your dad
Merry Christmas to a Much Beloved Stepmum card from you to Bonkers Step Mum
Merry Christmas Grandad card from your DC to your dad
Merry Christmas to a Much Beloved StepGran ard from DC to Bonkers Stepmum
Merry Christmas Father-In-Law card from your DP to your dad
Merry Christmas to Deeply Beloved Stepmum In Law card from your DP to Bonkers Stepmum

And probably presents from all the above to all the above to avoid any possible hurt feelings.

Get busy.

if you dad is your kids' dad then I think that's illegal - can't see any other reason to send a card from grandkids!

I think you need to write to your father:

Dear Dad

Stepmother told me last night that you were very upset that you didn't get a separate card from my children on Father's Day. I'm sorry you've been upset about this for so many months. I wish you had been able to tell me during the many times we've met. I didn't realise you had a problem with that.

If you remember, I had a card specially printed for you. I had just given birth to X and to be honest I thought you would like that. I was surprised to hear you were upset you didn't have two cards. I don't remember us giving our own cards to your father on Father's Day when we were small. Don't forget the children were both under 2 last Father's Day and of course they had their own card for their own father.

I am glad Stepmother told me you were so upset for so many months so that I can clear this up now. Perhaps if I unwittingly upset you in the future, you could just phone me to talk it through.

Love from OP.

I would be tempted to send separate cards to her and him from (individually)

• you
• your DH
• each of your children
• each of your pets

(I'd be tempted to do this, but I wouldn't because I'm lazy)

Imperial I love that and I'm going to come to you for all my future pa communication needs

She is being very unreasonable. You send a card to your DAD on fathers' day. Not a Granddad. FFS.

so - do you think it's sm who has the problem or your dad? is this the sort of thing your dad would get upset about?

sounds ridiculous and like she's just trying to find fault tbh.

My parents get one card each from all of us at Christmas and birthdays, for mother's day, MY mother gets a card from me and I get a card from my children.

Your SM is being completely petty. You and your Dad need to talk and agree on how the future pans out, but I found it easier to tell my folks my intentions than leave it open to debate.

Yanbu. She needs to get out more.

But you know your dad, right? Do you think it's actually true?

Thanks, Liza! My laptop has decided to go slow so I was about 10 letters ahead at the time - it doesn't make as much sense as I thought!

Fathers day cards are for your own father not grandfathers.

I dont send a card to him on behalf of ds as he is my dad not ds'.

Bonkers,if this is all your sm has to worry about then she needs to get out more.

Well if it´s true, then he needs to get over himself imo.

He got one card from one daughter-that´s OK, isn´t it?

I always sign from my husband & the children-would seem odd not to.

I would ignore & carry on as you do tbh.

Or, next Fathers Day send a card just from you.

When/if he asks about the children, say that they gave Father´s Day card to their Father (ffs!)

Condolences on your stepmother.

Drop her in it with your Dad!

she's been hanging on to this since June, what a silly woman. Ignore.

I would definitely tackle your Dad about this, she must be stirring - no-one could be that much of a loon, could they??

You all have me in stitches and I've gone from and a little bit to ta

I've just gone to Moonpig and reprinted every card I had ordered in the last two years for them. Just in case she has been acting more insane than I could ever have allowed for and hidden cards from him. My dad has just retired so he now gets to the post first.

I've spoken to my Dad on the phone and he said that he didn't want to say anything but he had not received cards and he receives presents and cards from each of my step mother's daughters children even though they are not blood related (although they do live round the corner and he helps them out a lot financially). I've told him to look out for the cards from the last two years in the post soon. Gawd!

Myself and my little family live quite a long distance away (more than a days drive..) so we only see him about twice a year unfortunately.

I wouldn't worry about it any further TBH however I've paid for a cottage halfway inbetween for us all to stay in together in three weeks time in order to celebrate his retirement. I've got log fires and home cooked food in mind. I'm rather concerned at the possibility of any other comments/behaviour that might cause it to be a less than lovely memory.

Wait - she's been hiding the cards YOU sent to your dad, but pushing the ones HER daughters sent to him?
Fucking hell - she makes Lady Gaga look like Prefessor Robert Winston!
Seriously out of order. I would have words, I would.

OMG architien - poor you. She sounds like a prize bitch. Glad you spoke to your Dad though. Where on earth have all those cards been going I wonder?

What? She's been hiding the cards??
WTF?
Or am I missing something? [hconfused]

Oh, I thought this was a thread about <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=jem+and+the+misfits&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1265&bih=639&tbm=isch&tbnid=X545veYhPFq9WM:&imgrefurl=dedica.la/artist/Jem%2Band%2Bthe%2BHolograms&docid=z4qc6oRL-uMsyM&imgurl=userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/39954351/Jem%252Band%252Bthe%252BHolograms.jpg&w=400&h=300&ei=aa-mTo3AH4Gu8gPBo5mnDw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=247&sig=115965630523046524075&page=1&tbnh=136&tbnw=172&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:0&tx=55&ty=35" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this
BTW, your step mum is nuts!

If your stepmum has been hiding cards from your DF then she is about to be found out big time !

On a more practical note, how well off is your father ?

If your stepmum is chivvying her own family to send cards/multiple cards at the drop of a hat to someone who is not even their father or close relation then might she be financially motivated in some way ?

Is she hoping that all these little acts of kindness and friendship are rewarded with a bequest ?

nope, still just a loon.

Ignore at will but do keep up the comms with your lovely Dad, so glad to hear you spoke to him about it.