to be fed up with posters on here defending men that are lazy or behave badly?

[Swankyswishing]

I'm fed up with it.

If someone posts that their husband or partner isn't pulling his weight with the children or in the house, replies say things like "Men need praise when they do things right" or "It doesn't come naturally to men, they need to be trained" or "Some men find babies daunting and prefer them when they're older"

Usually if a man isn't pulling his weight it's because he's lazy or a big child. I refuse to pander to my DH and he is expected to pull his weight in the house the same amount that I do. I refuse to make concessions or allow him to behave like an extra child just because he's a man!

I like the ones where the OH is so badly behaved that everyone around him is unhappy, then some bright spark on here says, "Maybe he's depressed..."

well aren't you amazing

here's a medal

I think you refer to CBeebies thread? well of you think she should go in and have a blazing row well great!

you have to defend your useless lazy lump

no one else is going to are they?

Is this fred-about-fred then?

Otherwise, yes, I find it a bit tiring, especially the unbelievable twee 'you know men don't see dirt' stuff.

Oh yes ImperialBlether, that annoys me too.

Porcamiseria, yes, the CBeebies one amongst others. Did i mention a blazing row anywhere? No. But there is no need for anyone to make excuses for a man behaving like a man-child.

EllaDee, yep it's a thread about lots of threads actually.

Really?
The majority of the posters here are more of the 'Knee him in the balls, jump up and down on him and then set fire to the squishy leftover bits' variety I find.
Or 'LEAVE THE SELFISH GIT'

Oh yes, my pet peeve is ' maybe he's depressed' posts after a woman describes an abusive bully of a husband.

Yes, maybe he is, but that's not why he's being an arse.

I used to think the same DownbytheRiverside but these days it's more and more irritating replies of "Oh bless him, he's a man, they sometimes don't take an interest in babies and prefer it when they're teenagers" type thing. Basically a lot of posters seem to think that everyone should enable their husband/partner's bad, childish behaviour.

Bollocks to that.

DH cuts me loads of slack.

Some things I just don't do as well as him, others I don't even want to try to do cos I don't like them.

He says he knew I wasn't perfect (with some distinct lazy arsed aspects) when he married me.

With a little practice I managed to get near a sort of quid pro quo.

Ish

There is pleanty of room between being an apologist for the be-penised and simply assuming the female perspecitve on events is Da Troof! Da Whole Troof! And Sohelpmegod The Only Troof!, rather than what it is, a persepctive. Sans the balance of the persepctive from the other side of the marital equation.

And why start a new thread?

Could this not have gone in the original one?

Altinkum, realistically how often do you hear of a woman that doesn't "get" newborn babies so never does a thing for their baby, never does any housework, goes out all the time with their friends and gets drunk a lot? Erm, very rarely. But about a man, well lots on here actually.

YANBU. A dismaying percentage of this board seems to believe devoutly in the 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'/ 'Men are not programmed to see dirt / express emotion/ buy birthday cards for their mothers' guff.

When I rule the world, everyone will get a compulsory copy of Cornelia Fine's Delusions of Gender and be tested on their comprehension of the main arguments.

Mind you, the other thing that genuinely horrifies me is how many women who post are in longterm abusive and unhappy relationships, but that's presumably not unrelated to the prevalent ideas about how little can reasonably be expected from men in terms of emotional support, housework and childcare sharing etc.

I'm usually the one pointing out that people aren't telepathic and that if something is annoying you, you need to use your words rather than eye-rolling and sulks without explanations.

i agree OP.

the 'men dont see dirt' is a real bug bear of mine. hate hate hate it. when i dont feel like cleaning, i'm happy to say "i can't be arsed today, gonna have a lazy day". i dont make excuses for it. there are days where we ll just think fuck it, it's just not happening today but to make excuses for someone who doesn't ever do enough to look after himself or his home is denial.

fastweb, I wasn't aware that you are some governing body about who can post what threads about what on here. I think you will find it's a public forum. If you don't like a thread being posted about something, don't reply on it. Jeez!

altinkum I hear what you're saying, that's why I don't mind when people say 'some people don't like babies' or 'some people don't see dirt'

What's annoying is the idea that 'all men don't see dirt therefore you can't get upset when your specific man doesn't'

There's one going at the moment and one poster gas actually said 'treat him with some kindness' as he had a 'breakdown' months back and is now blatantly cheating on her!!!!

Ah, thread about loads of threads is fine. Thread about one thread, not so much.

Don't let me stop you.

YANBU

But I disagree with this bit Usually if a man isn't pulling his weight it's because he's lazy or a big child

IME it's often because the woman wants it done her way and that's that.

Some Women think they have a God given right to tell their DH's they're doing things wrong....when in actual fact they're just doing things differently.

If anyone (male or female) expects their partner to have an equal share in housework and childcare, they need to let them get on with it and stop making them feel inadequate.

Am I allowed to say on this thread that I'm fed up with people plunging in with "leave the bastard"? Or would that be inflammatory?

screamingbohemian I agree with you.

agree with worraliberty too

fastweb, I wasn't aware that you are some governing body about who can post what threads about what on here

I'm not. Mumsnet is.

And I was under the impression that (very obvious) threads about threads are frowned upon.

Take it up with them if you have an issue with that.

worraliberty, but do you not agree that left to their own devices, lots of men's idea of their share of housework will involve plonking their child in front of the TV or a baby in their bouncy chair or cot, and then carrying on with whatever they want to do?

If I left my DH to his own devices he would just sit at the PC all day or go and tidy the garage or something. He has no concept of some things that need to be done, such as laundry, or meals, or packed lunches for the kids. So I do tell him that these things need doing, I don't however praise him for his efforts or discreetly tell him in a gentle way what needs doing, it's literally "Can you do the lunchboxes whilst I bath the toddler" type of thing.