to be fed up with posters on here defending men that are lazy or behave badly?

[Swankyswishing]

I'm fed up with it.

If someone posts that their husband or partner isn't pulling his weight with the children or in the house, replies say things like "Men need praise when they do things right" or "It doesn't come naturally to men, they need to be trained" or "Some men find babies daunting and prefer them when they're older"

Usually if a man isn't pulling his weight it's because he's lazy or a big child. I refuse to pander to my DH and he is expected to pull his weight in the house the same amount that I do. I refuse to make concessions or allow him to behave like an extra child just because he's a man!

""I'm not sure why anybody minds so much how other people divy up the household tasks"

Yes I did, and there is a query in there, not a "how very dare you say/think such a thing"

There are posters saying they divvy based on prefence and are happy with that.

Yet others feel the right way is more along these lines

" it should be in every adults' mind everyday that there will be washing to do, meals to be made and dishes to be washed, that is basic stuff. once that is covered, things like dusting, hoovereing, cleaning bathrooms, gardening, car maintenance can be divvied up according to strengths."

Which seeks to lay out a compulsory componant in terms of nature of task, rather than making equality of burden the priority.

Leave the bastard.

When I hear somebody moaning about their other half I wonder why they don't just leave. If the 2 of them are fundamentally incompatible they should split up and go their separate ways. They would both be happier. If they decide that all things considered they are better off together then they should work things out together and not come on a forum and bore the shit out of everybody else about farting, cleaning, borrowing clothes and who said what to who when they went out the other night.

If your husband or partner really annoys you, leave the bastard, because he would be better off without some moany, moody, moaner moaning all the time.

If your husband or partner really annoys you, leave the bastard, because he would be better off without some moany, moody, moaner moaning all the time.

Considering that most marriages will have their ups and downs, often connected to a gear change, like having kids etc., and a new, unfair dynamic can creep up on a couple over time as a result, it seems a bit trigger happy to leap striaght into a split.

And a moan can sometimes be a spring board for one partner to wake up and realise the other is deeply fed up with the status quo and do their part in sorting out something that suits both better.

Moan at him, then sort things out. Don't just moan at strangers in the net.

fastweb i'm not sure if it is unintentional or deliberate but you are misunderstanding me.

i saw the word 'why' the first time you posted it and i responded that it isn't that everybody minds what other people do in their own homes, it's that they are responding to an OP who has an issue with their own domestic set-up and is asking for advice. you cant honestly expect every response to share the same opinion. this is why there are different ideas on what should be happening. an OP asks for these opinions and this is why people give them.

because men never moan do they tiggyD?

and if you dont like reading about it then dont click on the thread. it isn't complulsory to read the relationships topic.

fastweb i'm not sure if it is unintentional or deliberate but you are misunderstanding me.

It's not an intentional effort to misunderstand.

I do it often enough on a daily basis not to go out of my way to complicate my life by adding more occasions on purpose.

I'll go back and have a re-read to see if I've missed a trick

ok, no problem. i think we may be getting at different points here but each thinking teh other is on the same train of thought TBH.

This isn't the relationship forum Heres, but if a man were ever to moan I would say the same thing.

Booyhoo

See this is why we should have a threaded view.

Aviod sub sub thread tangle.

well aware of where i am thanks. the threads you are moaning talking about are usually in the relationships topic.

if a man were ever to moan? don't make me laugh.

agree fastweb.

and even if you did say the same to a man tiggyD, i'd still tell you not to click on the thread if you dont want to see people talking about relationship issues.

if a man were ever to moan

If?

IF!

what parallel universe do you live in ?

I think men in the main are selfish, lazy, entitled f*ckers and I don't think there is actually much to be done about it. They are conditioned that way. Many men I have known, know they are behaving in a selfish manner but life is far moe pleasant when you don't have to do any of the shit work so they pretend that they don't realise.

However it doesn't mean I have to put up with it and this is why I choose to be single now. I am a lone parent to two dc one with SN and ladies and gents it is a walk in the park compared to living with Big Baby Man, who expected everything and gave nothing, except a small percentage of his wage packet each month.

Oh and ImperialBlether I just want to weep into my keyboard when I see the "depression" suggestion as well, this from someone who HAS depression and quite serious anxiety disorders. I am sure some are depressed and unable to function but I think we can safely say that in the main they are selfish twunts with varying levels of realisation of how selfish they are.

I always used to say to ex if you even put HALF the effort into this family and its practicalities that you do into avoiding having to do your bit, life would be blissful and it really was true.

Of course men don't moan. They merely raise concerns. Sometimes repeatedly.

Big difference.

"I think men in the main are selfish, lazy, entitled f*ckers and I don't think there is actually much to be done about it."

what a load of bull. sexist generalisation.

Ime, I have been married twice and co-habited with two others. I have been in the army, worked in the police and in a very male dominated recruitement environment.

This has been my experience. I should have quantified that with "ime" in my post but I find this to be true, I honestly wish I didn't because it has made me give up entirely on ever finding a good un.

TiggyD
I guess some of them cannot leave because of low self-esteem and lack of money, lack of support, fear. They deserve all the sympathy imo.

Others (the ones i don't have sympathy for) stay because their deal isn't as bad as they make us here to think. Sometimes they are the lazy ones, or the unreasonable ones. There are women who have never worked and don't want to work ever. There are husbands who work 12 hours to support these women. If i think that the OP is the lazy one then i will not side with her just because she is a woman. I really dislike this.

i'm sorry that has been your experience akae, i just dont accept that all men are X,Y and Z. teh same way i dont accept that all women arE AB and C. in fact i dont accept it because i know it isnt true for either gender.

Almost every man I have worked with or been friends with has been unfaithful or done things that his wife/GF/significant other would consider as unfaithful anyway, they talk disrespectfully about their wives, women they work with or women they are trying to shag outside their relationship, the only women they talk decently about are their mothers, lots of times they even slag their sisters off. They stay at work to avoid bath and bed time, they pretend they have to work at weekends so they can go off with their mates, they look at porn and so on.

I think that individually you might find the odd good one but en masse they are a bunch of selfish, entitled pigs and I don't think I am being sexist at all, it is my opinion and my experience.

I sometimes read posts on here where women say "someone will come along who will be lovely" and I always want to reply "well to your face anyway".

Of course men don't moan. They merely raise concerns. Sometimes repeatedly

The next time my husband goes into his nit picky, arm waving "can set your watch by it" routine about how I have unbalanced his fussy fridge organisation by putting a stray potato on the top shelf I'm tempted to video it.

And then we can vote

a) raising a concern (potato based)

b) massive whinge. (cos has a fridge ishooo)

you are being extremely sexist and that is not a good thing.

Oh and can I just say this has not stopped me liking these men and having a laugh with them, some of them have been very good, supportive friends to me. I am not vilifying them, I just would have hated to be married to them. Something about marriage turns many not all, but many men into idiots. I wish I knew why I really do. Familiarity breeds contempt maybe?