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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really not get why people co-sleep?

267 replies

LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 10:47

I really do not understand why people co-sleep. Apart from research telling us how dangerous it is for the baby, I also feel a bit sorry for the poor husbands who are almost invariably turfed out of the marital bed to make room for them.

What is the point? Is there one? Is anyone else as baffled as me by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 13:20

But that is what the experts used to say, NinkyNonker.

OP posts:
YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 23/10/2011 13:22

Have a look into kangaroo care, if you're really interested OP. Babies cannot regulate their temperature very well, but close contact with the mother actually helps them to maintain a safe temperature, and it helps them regulate their breathing too.

naturalbaby · 23/10/2011 13:25

FSIDS also recommends dummys. Are you going to use a dummy LaLa?

You have done your reserach on one side of the issue, not the other.

Original poster
LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 13:27

Yes, I just read that on FSID about dummies naturalbaby and I will most definitely use one. Although I did not use a dummy with my DS.

OP posts:
SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 13:27

Layla I didn't start out thinking you were unreasonable not to get it. I started out thinking you were genuinely short of info.

If what you are now saying is that you have read everything we've told you and you are STILL saying co-sleeping is unfathomable then perhaps I gave you too much credit.

Clearly it IS understandable, you've been given any number of explanations. If you're genuine then by now you really have to "get it" by now. If not, God help your judgey knickers when they really kick off. I smell the burning already.

OchAyeTheNooPal · 23/10/2011 13:28

OP you're just determined to only see negatives of co sleeping. Despite many posters telling you their own experiences you're coming across as you know best and all co sleepers are putting their babies lives at risk.

Maybe you don't intend to but that's how it's reading to me.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/10/2011 13:30

Blimey half term somes round quickly these days.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/10/2011 13:30

comes

eragon · 23/10/2011 13:32

we still have no idea why a baby suddenly dies, and although we can take steps to reduce the risk babies still die. so i co-sleeped because at the time i thought that god forbid that my baby would stop breathing, they wouldnt die on their own in a room away from mummy and daddy.

also, i had a another baby after the allergic one, and the new born slept for longer than the 2 yr old. so co-sleeping was the only way i was going to get some sleep.

now that my children are older, i treasure the memories of the middle of the night feedings or the early mornings when a big eyed baby is quietly feeding , snuggled up close to mum and dad.

SurprisEs · 23/10/2011 13:34

OP what if your DC refuses a dummy like mine did?

Original poster
LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 13:35

OchAyeTheNooPal, the thing is that co-sleeping is at such gross variance with the advice we were given a few years ago.

When I started to read about so many parents co-sleeping, I was quite shocked to be honest. I thought that they were probably the type of parents who practice 'alternative' parenting. Those that advocate unassisted births, not vaccinating and suchlike. The type of people who choose to put their alternative lifestyle above the welfare of their child.

I may have been wrong and, if so, I apologise. However, I am not completely convinced on the benefits of co-sleeping after reading the advice given on the FSID website.

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 23/10/2011 13:36

We cosleep because we love family snuggles, love our sleep and there's no way I could have worked fulltime and breastfed to 15 months and stayed sane, without cosleeping.

If it's good enough for Brad and Angelina it's good enough for me!

Now I'm off to kick myself for responding to a very trollish half-term thread.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/10/2011 13:37

OK now the trolls OP's cards are on the table .

MJlovesscareypants · 23/10/2011 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 13:41

When a baby dies something or someone always has to be to blame doesn't it. Babies never die because death comes to every living thing do they. They never die of things we have no idea about because we know everything already (we only discovered x-rays in 1895, we haven't even finished properly mapping human DNA yet). In South Carolina you can find yourself facing murder charges if you miscarry and they're not sure why. Oh yes, babies never just die do they. No such thing as an unexplained death. Unexplained death just means blame Mum.

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 13:41

Why is it trollish? Op clearly is NOT a troll

SweatTart · 23/10/2011 13:41

Well said, MJ

Babies love to be near their Mummy, and Mummy loves to be near baby. Happy baby = happy Mummy.

I think most people who BF co-sleep at some point.

Waking up next to your happy, contented lo and catching that radiant, million watt good morning Mummy smile is priceless. :)

Oh, I want another baby!

And my DP only ever got turfed out of the bed if he'd been drinking

Original poster
LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 13:42

Personally I pity you, because you have never known the joy of the constant closeness, contact, love and affection that comes from spending so much of your time bonded to your child.

No, you are right, I didn't, because my child died of SIDS.

It was a few years ago and since then, I have followed with interest all of the research. That is why I was so surprised to see so many parents co-sleeping as that was cited as the main risk factor when my child died.

OP posts:
SucksToBeMe · 23/10/2011 13:43

LaLaLaLayla I can take it on the chin, can you though?

I hope this thread has shed some light on co sleeping for you. That not everyone is lazy and poor woeful men are not being inconsiderately turfed out of the marital bed.

?Never judge a man's actions until you know his motives?

OchAyeTheNooPal · 23/10/2011 13:43

Fair enough. If you're not comfortable co sleeping that's just one of those things isn't it? I think as you've found out it's a very emotional issue but you're not unreasonable to not get it either.

Northernlurker · 23/10/2011 13:43

Co-sleeping is not 'dangerous'. In certain circumstances it may pose a greater risk to the baby than sleeping in a cot but that is still a tiny risk. It's not like expecting the baby to walk a tightrope and play with polar bears!

I co-slept with my younger two and it was lovely. Excellent for breastfeeding and snuggling. My husband was not turfed out either Hmm

Somebody mentioned this lower down but it bears repeating. Over 6000 babies will die this year - from stillbirth whilst still in the womb. Around 300 deaths will be attributed to SIDS. Now each of those deaths is a tragedy but what do you think is the greater risk laden situation for your baby? Fussing about co-sleeping is frankly irrelevant. Do it or don't do it but don't nag and gripe at other people about it.

pink4ever · 23/10/2011 13:43

No way could I have done co sleeping-I dont get a proper nights sleep with the dcs in the bed. For example last night toddler was unwell and I eventually did bring him in with us. He slept,I dozed fitfully and now feel like crap!

To those who say it aids bf-I have 2 friends who are bf at the moment. Both are co-sleeping as like posters on here they claim its easier. Both are surviving on bare minimum of sleep and look like death warmed up. Doesnt sound easier to me? but their choice I suppose.

I got a good nights sleep by putting dcs into their own room at 6 months old,shutting the door and letting them settle themselves. Evil mummy that I am.

OchAyeTheNooPal · 23/10/2011 13:45

ah x posted with you lala. Sorry about your loss.

SucksToBeMe · 23/10/2011 13:47

*Or a womans! Smile

Forrestgump · 23/10/2011 13:48

Sorry about your loss lala.

Xxx