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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really not get why people co-sleep?

267 replies

LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 10:47

I really do not understand why people co-sleep. Apart from research telling us how dangerous it is for the baby, I also feel a bit sorry for the poor husbands who are almost invariably turfed out of the marital bed to make room for them.

What is the point? Is there one? Is anyone else as baffled as me by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 17:59

OP I think you may be shit-stirring so I shall refrain from telling you what an ignorant prat you are making yourself seem.

So that's what you get for introducing a lively debate and opening up about past tragedies. I think I may leave Mumsnet now. This comment has upset me so much.

OP posts:
SurprisEs · 23/10/2011 18:02

I think the problem was in the OP. The question without the hint of criticism would've been a better way to open a debate.

RitaMorgan · 23/10/2011 18:04

If you want information from FSID on safe bed sharing then maybe read this - www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Baby_Friendly/Leaflets/3/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

AnnieLobeseder · 23/10/2011 18:06

Layla, I would imagine that post came from someone who had not read the thread properly. It happens. Most of the responses you have had have been fair and constructive as far as I can tell. Don't let one comment drive you from Mumsnet - it's a wonderful place for good advice and good company, as long as you let the comments from the numpties who either don't read before posting provocative things or genuinely like to stir up trouble was right over you. Luckily they're few and far between.

onagar · 23/10/2011 18:17

OP you say 'we did co-sleep usually' did you also co-sleep with your first one. The one who is now 6yo.

If so you must have had reasons which made sense to you at the time so I'm not sure why you are so dismissive of it now.

Ormirian · 23/10/2011 18:20

Layla, I am truly sorry for the loss of your child. But that is irrelevant to your rather inflammatory and ignorant first post.

Just have a think about the assumptions you made in that post.

Ormirian · 23/10/2011 18:23

And no I didn't read the thread. I was responding to your op. And I am not a fucking numptie Annie.

Ormirian · 23/10/2011 18:24

And how dare you say I am stirring up trouble? I am not the one who started this thread.

FlamingoBingo · 23/10/2011 18:24

Don't leave Lalalalayla.

Co-sleeping saved the life of one of my babies. I don't know why whoever made that comment did so, but please don't leave - debate is good.

Northernlurker · 23/10/2011 18:38

Sometimes people don't read the thread and go on the OP - which is why drip feeding crucial information is a poor strategy. Leads to misunderstandings and upset all round.

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 18:53

Whoa, this needs to stop.

Isn't losing a child what we all fear the most? Surely there can be nothing more painful than that? Cut her some slack. She was judgey yes, even she acknowledged that, but look at why!

Are we so extraordinarily highly strung that we think it's fair to resort to personally laying into someone who's clearly still grieving just because we didn't like her tone?

The OP was a bit off, yes, but how on Earth can that justify some of the outright attacking of her going on? Have we lost all touch with reality? Do we have no empathy at all for someone grieving their baby being a bit haughty at us?

How are those of you who're laying into her personally ever going to cope when your teenagers declare their hatred of you over a wrong breakfast cereal or somesuch?

Enough already! This is horrible to watch!

TheBestWitch · 23/10/2011 19:06

Sleeping baby in a cot in your room for the first 6 months is the SAFEST but if people are going to co-sleep with little ones there are ways to make it safer. Plus breastfeeding reduces the risk of sids too so if co-sleeping is more convenient and allows a mother to breastfeed for longer then that's a good thing.

OP. Sorry to hear of your loss. You might want to have the thread deleted just because many people (myself included) sometimes only read the first post and may post insensitive things given what you have spoken about later in the thread. This will only get worse as the thread gets longer and less people can be bothered to read it all.

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 19:13

I thought having a baby in your room is SAFE. I co-slept with DD until last month. She will be four in November Grin. Her cot was next to our bed, and it was fine.

When she was a baby I never had to get up out of bed to feed her. DH never had to get out of bed to change her nappies at night. I could always check if she was too hot or cold by reaching over and touching her. DH loved it. I loved it. We were and still are happy parents who get a full nights sleep.

I don't understand why people DON'T co-sleep.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 23/10/2011 19:14

OP, I'm so sorry about what happened to you and your baby. I can barely imagine how scared you must be, contemplating another baby and terrified of it happening again. Sad Everyone makes decisions about how their baby sleeps based on their unique background and experience. I try not to be an advocate for cosleeping mostly because of this - because everyone is different and has been to different places. All I can say is what works for us - that we did research the issue, that we do take precautions, and that we like it. Smile

As far as I'm aware, nobody has come up with the definitive reason why SIDS occurs - there are higher risk groups for it happening, but as several posters have pointed out, there are things you can do to make cosleeping safe that put you approximately in the same risk group for SIDS as having the baby in a cot in your room.

Ormirian · 23/10/2011 19:14

saffron - you are quite right.

layla - I apologise unreservedly my lovely. I was being a irascible old bat and am really sorry for upsetting you.

BTW please try to remember not to drip-feed in future in case twats like me come along with their size 9s! And I hope there will be a next time - don't go away.

exoticfruits · 23/10/2011 19:22

Well said Saffron. (it is also nice to have people apolog

exoticfruits · 23/10/2011 19:23

posted too soon! apologise.

Inflames · 23/10/2011 20:15

So sorry for your loss Layla.

I didn't co-sleep with DS because I refused to read any parenting advice / theory before we got DS because I had a high risk pregnancy and never believed we'd get him here. He arrived safe and well, and the midwives gave me the FSIDS leaflets talking about the SAFEST option (cot, our room, 6 months - ended up being 9...).

Having read more now I believe the way we did it was right for us, not because cosleeping is dangerous but because it was right for us. Never fell asleep sitting up feeding etc.

DS now 10.5 months and we have a fabulous bond - really bot affected by not cosleeping. Lots of lovely cuddles every day, BF went well, no probs getting him in own room etc.

Worked for us :-) Single most important thing I've learned being a Mum is that there is NO right way, a couple of obvious wrong ways (beating or starving or abandoning) but what most of us do - right for you. Hope you get your future Baby and the confidence to do whatever works or you :-)

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 20:18

I co-slept with all of mine.
They were happy, I was happy and we have a HUGE (super duper king size) bed which husband was still allowed in and he was happy.

That ok with you?

lockets · 23/10/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 20:25

Maypole1, you're a right ignoramus aren't you?

porcupine11 · 23/10/2011 20:26

Apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but anyone who wants to know more about co-sleeping should read Deborah Jackson's brilliant Three in a Bed... it's the only parenting book that makes me feel I'm doing ok when in the throes of exhaustion with a new, non-sleeping baby and the focus is how helpful co-sleeping can be.

guzzlepuzzle · 23/10/2011 20:27

I havnt read all the replies but on reading this title my immediate thought was - here is a parent who has never suffered with a horrendous sleeper [hgrin]

Co sleeping is only dangerous if not planned properly ...e.g a parent falls asleep on baby through pure exhaustion!

Me and my dp quite enjoyed co -sleeping and it meant we actually got some rest ...he is 5 now and its now we realise we should have weaned him off co sleeping earlier [hhmm]

SwearyMcSwearason · 23/10/2011 20:28

I co sleep with dd (18 months) I am a lone parent so there is plenty of room.

I just don't see the sense in putting her in a cot. She still wakes to feed in the night and it means I don't have to get out of bed to get her, it saves on heating bills because we keep each other warm and it is just a nice thing to do. There is nothing like being woken up by toddler kisses, pretty much the best way to start the day.

She is happy, I am happy. Was a no-brainer for me.

guzzlepuzzle · 23/10/2011 20:39

and then i read the whole thread Hmm sorry for your loss Layla..

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