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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really not get why people co-sleep?

267 replies

LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 10:47

I really do not understand why people co-sleep. Apart from research telling us how dangerous it is for the baby, I also feel a bit sorry for the poor husbands who are almost invariably turfed out of the marital bed to make room for them.

What is the point? Is there one? Is anyone else as baffled as me by this?

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 23/10/2011 10:57

we co-slept for years.

All four of us on two mattresses on the floor pushed together.

It was the best way to sleep and to ensure the children were safe (they both have autism and being in the same room meant that they couldn't wander around when they woke up in the middle of the night!)

It worked for us.

When they were first born they slept in with me. They would latch themselves on in the middle of the night.

What do you think people used to do? What do other animals do? I think that you can't go wrong when you go with nature. (apart from the risks associated with smoking, being drunk, on certain drugs etc )

Animals sleep with their young. It is a natural instinct I think.

ObviouslyOblivious · 23/10/2011 10:57

My DP has occasionally left the bed voluntarily to give DS more room. But he's just a nice guy Wink.

rainbowinthesky · 23/10/2011 10:58

Having separate bedrooms is a very recent thing for humans.

tryingtoleave · 23/10/2011 11:00

I don't drink when bfing anyway. But one drink wouldn't make you drunk, would it?

NinkyNonker · 23/10/2011 11:00

Perfectly safe, not sure what research you're referring to. Happier baby. More sleep for me meaning happier me. Happier me meaning happier DH, who was not turfed out, we all slept together. There was a cot attached, she was happier being cuddled, which is understandable. At 10 months she went happily into her own cot in her room.

What's not to get? Perfectly natural.

PeggyCarter · 23/10/2011 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBestWitch · 23/10/2011 11:00

It doesn't make life any easier for us. DD slept in her cot/bed until nearly 4. She's only started getting in with us because she has to share a room with us now due to lack of space. If she was disturbing us she'd get kicked back into her own bed but she isn't. She prefers to sleep in our bed but will sleep in her bed with no fuss. None of anyone elses business imo.

sfxmum · 23/10/2011 11:01

the research or the advice is mostly to discourage careless people imo, as they would not like to be held responsible for the baby's injury/death in case the parents had been careless/had been drinking/ drugs etc imo

co sleeping makes things easier either on a big family bed or on a bedside cot
husbands need not be turfed, the can however be sensitive to the baby's needs and be aware of just how many times they wake/need feeding in the night and help out

ragged · 23/10/2011 11:01

...what do you do if you are ill?

I don't understand why that seems like such a barrier. Due 2 close physical contact rest of the time baby is exposed to my bugs anyway.

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 11:02

I feel sorry for the husbands too. Co sleep for a while, fine. The problem is when it goes on too long.

And then many women wonder why they end up posting 'hes left me/ seeing someone else' in the relationships section!

tryingtoleave · 23/10/2011 11:02

I think the real danger is when someone who isn't a cosleeper by choice falls asleep with their baby in an unsuitable place because they are so exhausted. Or when someone is living in very poor conditions and again is not cosleeping by choice.

NinkyNonker · 23/10/2011 11:05

I'm not a big drinker, nor am I a smoker or a druggie. Having a good night's sleep and a happy baby was always more important to me than having more than one glass of wine.

This isn't a new thing, babies being expected to sleep on their own is.

Purplebuns · 23/10/2011 11:05

Tiffany I think that would be because he is a tosser, nice that you are blaming the woman there!

breatheslowly · 23/10/2011 11:05

There was loads of room in our superking for DD and as she got bigger we added a sidecar cot so that she was still within reaching room but had her own space.

We coslept out of laziness - I didn't want to get up in the cold in the middle of the night. But I knew that I would be lazy about it so planned for it with the bigger bed, bedguard and sidecar cot.

DH didn't have to move out. He does now occassionally when DD comes in to us at 6.30 and is noisy.

I think that planning to cosleep is safer than doing it when really tired and not with great thought - which is what most of our friends have done at some point. It is also probably safer than falling asleep in a chair or on a sofa while feeding in the middle of the night.

I don't really get why people don't cosleep as I just loved it and would definitely do it again.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 11:06

I am not sure why people are criticising the op, its a very valid question, and people on here will have a range of answers. We did when dd was a baby because it was easier and she would settle quicker. As she got older it became more difficult, dd would be restless all night, kick, turn over and non of us would get any sleep so back into her own cot it was. I don't get when older children co sleep tbh, my sIL still co sleeps with her 5 and 3 year old, and her dh has been relegated to her ds bed.

allhailtheaubergine · 23/10/2011 11:06

Thing is OP, you say you don't understand, but it sounds more like you disapprove. There's a big difference. I am happy to share my reasons for co-sleeping in the spirit of acceptance and understanding, but I don't really feel like justifying something so you get your fix of judgyness.

NinkyNonker · 23/10/2011 11:08

But Tiffany, you are assuming that the husbands have no say, or are some poor cuckolded little man who only thinks of himself. What if it makes life better for the whole family and it is as much the husband's decision? DH felt strongly, and still does that the best place for dd was our bed. We both decided to move her when she was ready, if she hadn't been ready she'd still be with us. But then, he is an active father who also plays his part in any night wakings.

allhailtheaubergine · 23/10/2011 11:08

Jesus Christ. Reading through some of the posts on this thread makes me want to weep. Have I accidentally strayed onto Netmums?

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 11:08

Yes purple

trixymalixy · 23/10/2011 11:09

DS had undiagnosed food allergies, symptoms started showing when he was only a few weeks old, he was reacting to the proteins in my breastmilk. He didn't sleep at night, AT ALL!

I went from hallucinating through lack of sleep to just being exhausted when I started co-sleeping.

Laziness?!?!

More like desperation.

MJlovesscareypants · 23/10/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 11:09

Piglet, I have seen that also. Bloody ridiculous!

tryingtoleave · 23/10/2011 11:10

What I have never understood is why some people get so affronted at the idea of others cosleeping. Why is that?

RealityIsADistantMemory · 23/10/2011 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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