to really not get why people co-sleep?

[LaLaLaLayla]

I really do not understand why people co-sleep. Apart from research telling us how dangerous it is for the baby, I also feel a bit sorry for the poor husbands who are almost invariably turfed out of the marital bed to make room for them.

What is the point? Is there one? Is anyone else as baffled as me by this?

OK, I had very severe sciatica which made it utter hell to get up out of bed, then lean over a cot and pick up a baby. I couldn't even walk to the loo in the first week after he was born without injections of voltaren (I got re-admitted to hospital because of a mysterious fever and high white blood cell count). In hospital, I was isolated in a room with DS in a cot beside my bed. As I was abroad and DH had to work, every night I was on my own and the nurses were busy. When DS needed feeding I had to struggle to get up and carry him. I ended up falling asleep with DS on my hospital bed, as it was just too much of an effort. He was happy. I was happy. When we got home, I found it easier to have him beside me, so I could feed him in the night, and we would both just drop off.

Personally, I can't understand why anyone would NOT co-sleep. I would not have coped any other way.

Oh Layla, I feel for you so much. I can only imagine your pain and how scared you must be now. When the time comes do whatever it takes for you to feel safe and comfortable, and try to be assured that such horrible lightning is so unlikely to strike twice.

(PS: I second Deborah Jackson's book. )

It's probably worth reading ALL of the OPs posts in the thread as you may miss some things.

Co-slept/sleeping with both of mine - as Porcupine said Deborah Jackson's Three In A Bed is a good read.

Also the McKenna 2005 report makes a good case for

www.notjustskin.org/sites/notjustskin.org/files/McKenna%20Cosleeping%202005.pdf

I personally feel I regulate my DD2's breathing and her temperature by co-sleeping.

BUT having had DD1 fall out of bed I would be lying if I said my own double-bed was failsafe - a kingsize or mattress on floor better for me personally.

As an au-pair though have also seen two babies fall out of cots though (thankfully with their parents as opposed to me alone with them).

Finally I am sorry for your loss Lala. Read the McKenna report above if you are interested in co-sleeping again but have concerns.

So sorry for your loss Layla

Layla - first of all I am very sorry for your loss. Of course your opinions are going to be influenced by what has happened to you.

This is a really interesting report which was run on (unbelievably) Fox News about SIDS and co-sleeping.

www.fox6now.com/news/witi-100503-bed-sharing,0,7099533.story

There is clearly a big difference between co-sleeping on the sofa and co-sleeping on a bed where someone has made careful decisions about where the baby will sleep etc.

Very sorry for your loss too!

Co-sleeping isn't at all dangerous if you do it right - in fact is a lot safer than a cot. The cot is only recomended as a safer option because not many people can get that wrong; even if the baby is not happy, and waking up and crying a lot, it is probably safer... statistically. Even if the parents are both drunk/stoned/whatever.
For me, co-sleeping works because I get my sleep. You need a big bed, cot on the side and baby on your side, not in the middle. IMO a crying baby will have to take priority over a poor husband's wishes. My poor husband has not only never helped settle babies at night, but is annoyed at being woken up by crying - and because co-sleeping equals no crying, he's been ok with it. So everyone wins!

sorry for your loss Layla

maybe co sleeping is not for you and i can totally understand why you would feel like this. you need to feel comfortable with your choices

I usually put my DC back when they were under 12 months but after that we co slept and loved it. They went into own beds about 3 and came into ours in the middle night/morning. I had one with severe reflux who was a terrible sleeper. Unless you have been through it you have no idea. My kids, my choice. The older ones are very independant so it hasn't held them back.

A few years ago, there was some "research" published about co-sleeping.
This research, over 10 years iirc, showed a far higher risk of SIDS when co-sleeping.
What the published papers didn't show was that the test group of parents who had tragically lost their babies were drug addicts.
The results were skewed to fit the medical community's opinion of co-sleeping.
HCP's still bang on about this research, even though it has no relevance whatsoever to the majority of co-sleeping parents.
In fact fairly recently there has been research to show that co-sleeping safely with a baby is far safer than the baby being in a cot.

I co-sleep because the thought of not having my baby near to me is horrible. I don't get why so many people have an issue with it.

Not sure if anyone has posted these links yet, but OP here is the UNICEF Baby Friendly initiative leaflet on Sharing a bed with your baby. It is endorsed by FSID.

Here is a report from 2009 about one of the biggest recent studies on SIDS. It is one of the authors trying to set the record straight about the actual conclusions they reached, rather than those that were reported in the press. FSID have gone for the blunt and 'simple' message of do not share a bed it's dangerous, but this actually glosses over important distinctions in the research, as Peter Flemming explains in this article.

Finally, on dummies, bear in mind that FSID receive funding from MAM, who make dummies. This means their advice is not independent -they have a financial interest in dummy promotion. Do bear this in mind when you read what they say. If you'd like to read an impartial, independent view about dummies and breasttfed babies then here is the UNICEF Baby Friendly initiative statementt.

Argh... tthread moved on whilst I was typing, sorry

I've co-slept with all three of mine for at least part of the night. They tended to start off in their cots next to me and then when I reached the point where I couldn't be bothered to put them back they slept in with me and DH (who was heard to say that it was nice having a baby back in the bed when no 3 arrived - so no feeling pushed out there). My older 2 sleep all night in their own beds now and have done since about 2yrs. I think dd3 might not be so biddable as she is a truly terrible sleeper - I don't know how I'd cope with going into another room, fetching her, taking her back etc every time she woke.

For us it was simple. Co-sleep or no-sleep. I haven't read the whole thread but I'm presuming that people have put you right on the safety issues.

I co slept...and? with DD1 I wanted to...my DH didn't give a toss

I don't know about anyone else. But I cosleep because it is easier. Means I don't have to wake/get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. They just help themselves.

DH never got turfed out. Plenty of room for all of us. When they are little newborns they sleep in the crook of my arm and I just change sides as needed. Bigger babies tended to sleep in the middle and snuggle into whichever parent was convenient, they either had daytime naps in bed with me or in the cot if I wasn't having one. DS2 now prefers to share a room with DS1 so no babies in bed with us anymore, it was a natural 'organic' type of progression.

I like it best when the 4 of us all sleep in the same room/bed. I like having them all close and safe.

Worked for me. What other people do is their business.

More sleep.You can breastfeed almost in your sleep