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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really not get why people co-sleep?

267 replies

LaLaLaLayla · 23/10/2011 10:47

I really do not understand why people co-sleep. Apart from research telling us how dangerous it is for the baby, I also feel a bit sorry for the poor husbands who are almost invariably turfed out of the marital bed to make room for them.

What is the point? Is there one? Is anyone else as baffled as me by this?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 23/10/2011 11:34

Of ccourse children can be in a proper routine if they co-sleep. Grin

And my "lazyness" meant I was never tired during the day. Which was was brilliant, as I had a very active pre-schooler. Smile

ll31 · 23/10/2011 11:36

why not co sleep - am taken aback at some of the reactions - imo you do whatever is right for you and ur family - thats it. Loads of people co sleep =- most kids eventually endup sleeping in their own rooms by themselves - whats the problem. Maypole re getting child into proper routine - well in my case my proper routine was co sleeping! So laziness wasn't an issue in my house!

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2011 11:37

maypole1, no, DH and I never had sex with the DC in our bed, or our room. Our DC have always had their own bed and their own room.

Your posts are making you look idiotic.

Sirzy · 23/10/2011 11:40

Maypole. Is being desperate to sleep being lazy?

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 23/10/2011 11:40

While trying to get my baby to sleep in his moses basket, I ended up wildly hallucinating from lack of sleep. I was crawling around the bedroom trying to touch our new imaginary wallpaper. I thought my baby's cry was a fire engine. I lost the ability to speak and talked like this- MUH MUFF MUMBLE MUH.

Would you trust someone with a baby in that state?

verylittlecarrot · 23/10/2011 11:41

maypole1: Because for "doing the long game" and "getting the child into a proper routine" I read "being selfish, failing to understand what my baby actually needs, not doing the best for my child, making it harder for them to sleep, making them miserable and putting my needs way above theirs".

HTH

Bramshott · 23/10/2011 11:43

I co-slept with DD2 (and DH!) because with DD1 I kept falling asleep while feeding her either in bed or in a chair, which is statistically far more dangerous.

NinkyNonker · 23/10/2011 11:46

Dd had a 'proper' bedtime routine. She was just put down to sleep on our bed instead of in her own. And DH and I never ' fucked' (charming) with her in the bed

PosiesOfPoison · 23/10/2011 11:47

OP, I think you'll find most new parents aren't mad keen on drinking, it's not really something I associate with the first few months of having a small baby,.

FreudianSlipper · 23/10/2011 11:47

because nothing is more natural than a baby being close to their mother where they can get comfort, warmth, love and food. babies thrive on being close being shut is another room is totally unnatural

i was on my own, would have done the same with a partner. i didn't drink for some time after having ds, when i did i did not co sleep he slept in his cot by my bed no real hardship giving up drinking in the evening for me

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 11:48

The thing is the guidelines say you shouldn't co sleep if you're 'very tired'

I think that's the point of it for some parents though...they're exhausted and need to sleep Confused

Faithless12 · 23/10/2011 11:50

We co sleep part of the night mainly because I get more sleep and OH doesnt mind in fact he would prefer LO to co sleep all night. He has a cot right next to us but he likes to be able to touch me I suppose or he prefers the closeness. The only time OH has left our bed is because he was ill and was keeping me awake coughing. It's disgraceful to blame women for their partners infidelity or inability to go for a little while without sex. I'm incredibly lucky in the fact I have my OH obviously but he wanted our LO and we parent in a way we see fit. If he was uninterested to the point of leaving because LO was in our bed so that I could survive well good riddance.

houseworkhorror · 23/10/2011 11:51

My husband wasn't "turfed out" - he was thrilled to be allowed to go into the spare room and get a decent night's sleep! We have had two rubbish sleepers and yes, it was the only way to stop us becoming sleep-deprived zombies. Pretty essential when we had a toddler to look after and a job to hang onto in a recession.

After a few months the baby fog lifted and we missed each other too much, so DH moved back in and we slowly transitioned the baby into a Moses basket by the bed.

And regarding the safety thing - the baby was breastfed, I wasn't ever drunk (too bloody tired to drink!), we abandoned the bed and just had a mattress on the floor, so no risk of the baby falling more than a couple of inches, and I slept cradled around her with the duvet no more than waist level high, so very difficult for her to move or get caught in the covers.

I made a different decision to you, in different circumstances. That doesn't make me stupid. Hmm

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 23/10/2011 11:52

My DH isn't turfed out either, I had to go back to work at 6 month, and spent those first 2 months with no sleep, breastfeeding a silent reflux baby, then it all fell into place, put the baby in the bed, make breastfeeding effortless, no need for either of us to wake, propped bed up to help reflux, everyone sleeping, everyone happy, my daughter is 15 months now, still breastfeeds, still cosleeps, my husband isn't deprived he loves waking next to us both, each to their own, but its what makes it possible for us to hold down full time jobs, be parentsand not be dead on our feet, plus the snuggles are an extra bonus

wigglesrock · 23/10/2011 11:52

I didn't get it either until I had dd2, after the first year of not sleeping and yes I tried shush pat, cc, letting her Dad settle her etc I brought her into our bed, she slept, we slept. She slowly weaned herself off it from the age of 2 - she always went to sleep in her own room, she just kept wakening. I think it was company she wanted, she's been in her own bed/room all night every night for about 9 months, no stress no screaming. Dd1 was a fab sleeper, dd3 in between and I formula feed.

There are lots of things I think "why would you do that" but sharing a bed isn't one of them. Anyone who has had a prolonged period of not sleeping would understand.

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 11:53

Kay... Who said it's just cheat? Whole relationships can break down from issues like this. And I'm talking beyond the small baby stage

SucksToBeMe · 23/10/2011 11:53

I've never sworn on here but here goes...

Piss off OP. Must be nice to be so bloody perfect.

Hmm
NorksAkimbo · 23/10/2011 11:55

I still don't understand why the OP CARES about this...if you don't want to do it, don't do it, and don't judge others who choose to!

We are pretty relaxed about things like this in our house; I always slept a bit better when my DCs were in their own beds/cots, but we've never actively discouraged them from sleeping with us if they wanted to. So, sometimes we have a big old family sleepover (DS is 5, DD is 4), sometimes it's one or other who have climbed in during the night, sometimes it's just DH and I. My children are only little once, and I love that sometimes in the morning, we have lovely snuggly conversations that may not happen during our busy days.

What's the big deal??

FreudianSlipper · 23/10/2011 11:56

an no i am not lonely beign a single parent that is not why i choose to co sleep

ds was in my bed becasue it was the most natural thing for me to do, would be the same with a partner, it was about how i wanted to parent ds, it was about meeting his needs what felt right. if i had a partner it would have been the same and the sex issue well there are other rooms in the house ...

Faithless12 · 23/10/2011 11:56

Nighthawk- oh my that sounds quite familiar. One night to allow OH to get a full nights sleep (he had a tight deadline for work) I took the Moses basket downstairs and put it in the opposite side of the room (so I wouldn't be half asleep picking the baby up). My OH came down asking would I like him to bring me the baby to which I replied "I've got him, but he won't stop crying" my OH was a little shocked as a second later LO let out a cry from the opposite side of the room. I fully believed he was in my arms, strangely that doesn't happen when he is in bed with us.

Kayzr · 23/10/2011 11:57

Fair enough tiffany if husbands/partners get annoyed about co sleeping. I wouldn't co sleep past 2. But in reality DS1 was about 6 months old and DS2 was 11 months.

The answer still isn't to cheat or be a twat it's to talk about it surely.

FutureNannyOgg · 23/10/2011 11:58

Even without removing drink drugs and infanticide reported as accidental smothering, the rate of deaths in co-sleeping infants is a fraction of those who die of SIDS because they are separated from their parents.
I really don't get the "poor husband" thing either, we all 3 sleep together (he has even learned to sleep through DS patting him on the nose to try and wake him up) and we are clearly deviants, because we Shock have sex in places other than the bedroom.

Sirzy · 23/10/2011 12:00

Talking would only work if both parents could agree though kayz. I can understand why if both parents have different views on something like this it could cause strain in a relationship, but then the same could be said for a lot of aspects of parenting!

Adversecamber · 23/10/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutureNannyOgg · 23/10/2011 12:01

Also, we have a bedtime routine. DS goes down in his cot (bungied to the side of the bed) at 7.30, then comes into bed with us just after midnight when he wakes to nurse. When I wake in the morning, he has a quick nurse, then either gets up with me, or gets transferred to his cot. He naps in his cot during the day after settling with a feed or a cuddle.