To loathe and despise hosting "playdates"??

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I hate it. I hate the term "Playdate" but it's what everyone calls it now...I hate that my ordinarily well behaved DD (7) turns into a monster....I hate the squashed food I find in corners of the house afterwards...I hate the hysteical sqeualing and the way my 3 year old tries to join in (even though they naturally dont want her)

I hate the way I can't relax....I'm always wondering what they're up to....are they in my makeup? trashing the bedrom?

I am sitting here thinking about whether AIBU to never have another until they're old enough to mooch miserably in their bedrooms and only grunt when I speak to them.

Children need other children to play with ,my grown up children have very happy memories of playing with their cousins ,neighbours kids and school mates over the years.

I would hate to think they remembered their childhood with a mum who always said no to having friends over

The only thing I dread is my house having to be cleaned beforehand. :) Which really shouldn't matter, am I trying to impress preschoolers? Sigh...

Anyway I'm going to pick DS and a few friends up from school in half an hour and then they are going to play and decorate cookies. Hope all goes well!

In my experience there is a difference between boys and girls and age is a factor too. With DD playdates have nearly always been a pleasant experience - through the ages we have had nice playing together with dolls/ toy kitchens/ playing in garden with flowers/ painting etc. We only ever had one kid who was a complete PITA who would sometimes come over and just not play with DD and even worse once came over and then refused to get out of parents car and had to be taken home again. DD was v upset.

With DS it has been a different story - when younger there were often bust ups over toys, tipping out all toys all over the floor and throwing them about, jumping on beds/ sofas and general riotousness. Although DS knew not to do these things (and usually the friend too) they would egg each other on with the excitement of it all and become wildly silly and rebellious. Now he's older they are fine if they can play outside and they can also do things like go down to the park at end of road or to the shop to buy some sweets/ ice cream but if stuck inside due to weather etc they tend to default to computer games and tbh I just give in to it although would rather they do something else.

I support all who say you need as many friends as you have DCs as otherwise can end up with stand offs between playdaters/ non playdaters. Also the worst ever combo we used to have was DS's ffemale friend and her younger brother which used to degenrate into all kinds of brother/ sister bickering and door slamming stand offs. Of course I put my foot down and told them all off but it made what was meant to be a nice occasion into a not nice one. I was constantly having to think up distraction strategies and felt exhausted by the end of it all.

Would lvoe them to go round to nieghbours and hang out together but unfortunately we live on a road where there are hardly any other kids so all has to be a bit organised.

I find it totally depends on the child you're having over. Some are just monstrous, difficult, and confrontational from the minute they arrive. Others are (mostly) a blessing as they (mostly) play nicely and stay out of the way.

I do believe in laying down the law about house rules though.

Melody - I think you're right about the boy/girl thing. My kids know the rules and boundaries in our house, but when their friends come round they all seem to get carried away and egg each other on. It's not helped by the fact that DH & I work from home (have the loft converted to an office). My kids know its out of bounds, but despite me telling them, there are some of DS2's friends who seem to delight in charging up and downstairs screaming outside the door . I don't usuallyu expect to be doing much work when friends are over, but I do hate having to go up and down ever 10 minutes to calm them down, or stop a fight with DS1, or something. It's very wearing.... Much easier in summer when they can go outside.

I've only called parents to take their children home on two occasions. On the first, a child carved his initials on my oak kitchen table with a paper clip . I was livid! And worse still the mother arrived to collect him and said "oh, poor T, how embarrassing for him, I expect he didn't realise what he was doing.." WTF?
He's not been back!

On the other occasion, one of DS2's friends was climbing and swinging so much on his high sleeper bed that he pulled it over smashing a light in the process

He hasn't been back either!

DS has two friends over right now...a lovely little girl and a, erm, "boisterous" little boy. Is it 3:30 yet?!

Thank the lord, no one here in Ireland is daft enough to use the phrase. We are usually a good decade behind for anything like that to catch on

I think the trick is to start as you mean to go on. I once made the mistake of joking and messing around with my DC in front of one of their friends who then took me to be a massive pushover. I hate telling off other people's children, but I think it has to be done with some children, or they just try to push boundries.

We have had one or two horrors and, given my time again, I would just not have asked them back. Fortunately, I now really like all their friends and they are a pleasure to have over./ I also try and ensure each child has a friend at the same time so noone gets left out and there is only one lot of cleaning up to do.

'no-one'

DS's friend has just said "let's go outside and bite your dog!" And there have already been major squabbles over toys.

All four year olds are stinkers, I am convinced.

Whippet - you have just reminded me of the horrible occasion when I was at a friends house & my DS was involved in a pillow fight in the parent's room with a friend's 2 DCs and smashed a light bulb causing all lights to fuse. What's worse is that I was there at the time drinking coffee with the mother and we knew what was going on.

even worse still - if it had been our house I would have probably stopped it but because friend seemed to be okay about it all I let it go on .

We used to have a lot of friends who were more permissive parents than us and so having their DCs for playdates was really tricky as I was always concious that if I told their DCs off the DCs would go home and moan about how strict I was.

Totally agree about the thing about kids wanting to come in "adult" areas too. In our old house we had the luxury of a playroom so our lounge was quite adult with ornaments and breakables all over the place. Playroom was lovely child friendly, loads of toys, doors onto garden etc etc. Guess where the playdaters and our playdate intoxicated DCs wanted to be .

Melody - ha - yes - our answer to the OP's question is clearly based on our personal (bad) experiences!

To be fair both boys now have a lovely collection of polite, well-mannered friends who seem to behave pretty well now thath they're a bit older.

I work full time. I like spending timer with my kids. Taking time off work to invite another little person to take over my house and any of my children is the perfect description of a nightmare.
I still do it, every 2 or 3 months. But I do not like it. At all. It is just one of these things I do to prove (who?) that I can be a good mother despite working full time.

Tomisinathewitchescat

Do you mean 'playdate' isn't used in Ireland?

Are you having a laugh?

Playdate isn't used in England either by normal people

recall - oh, that would be awkward. I expect he'll probably bring a paper and keep himself to himself. You could always provide a few crosswords and newspapers on the table, plus lots of Rich Tea biscuits, so that awkward conversation is less likely, lol........

Are these play dates where the mums do or don't turn up, btw? Usually when other mums come to my place they are quite strict with their own kids. But ours used to be small - just 3 kids at the most. We like our quality chats for the mums, we're not interested in refereeing bored kids..........

Don't really understand what the big deal is - why would some of you dread these things and be so nervous about it? It's just children playing together, not some kind of test. It's important for them to play with other children as much as possible, just at school isn't enough, but it doean't have to be micro-managed 'playdates' (yes it's a horrible term) arranged weeks in advance. Luckily wherw we live there are loads of children, they can safely play outside and spontaneously go to each others' houses, here they are always traipsing in and out and I like to have their friends here. I feel reLly sorry for children who aren't allowed to have their friends over to play. Of course some children behave badly but you just have to set the limits, nothing to panoc about, you are in charge!

Really depends on the child, if it's a nice one, who goes off and plays with DS1 AND doesn't tease or be mean to DS2 or baby DD then I quite like them. Especially if it's nice enough for them all to go outside.

But, the ones who are rude, or talk to me like I'm their equal and not a grown up ('you know what, Blonde do me a drink' being a little gem I heard recently) and make either of the little ones cry, I HATE.

Also Ds1 (7) does loads of activities after school, plus we meet up with a whole family once a week so he is busy and social enough that he certainly isn't missing out imo.

Also if it's more the mums getting together while the children run amok then that is fine! Happy to ignore the chaos caused in that case.

Yes, I agree about the rules thing, but they don't always stick to them do they, and then I just get very stressed! We have put locks on our teenagers doors (on the outside) so that their little brother and his friends (cousins) can't get in. I also put half of DS's toys away in cupboards when his cousins visit, as they like to empty out every box and basket, and it's impossible to get them to tidy up.

Personally, I think "Playdates" are awful, and these days prefer to meet at a park or the beach. However,, I do realise we are at the mercy of the weather.

The thing I hate the most is that my sister brings her kids over, watches them demolish everything and then leaves, laughing about the mess I have to clean up...Grr. I try to circumvent it by going to her house, but she often pops in without calling first.

Totally depends on the child imo some are a delight , some need more supervision .TH I find it breaks up the monotony of a day with the dcs, gives us all a break .They don't tend.to do much screen time when they have mates.over, but I will put a dvd on if they are still here after tea.

I used to hate them, too, but now the DSs are 10 and 12, it's fine. The 12 y.o. doesn't bring his mates indoors (which is a bit of a pity as it means I can't size them up!)- and the 10 yo's mates are now of an age where they play nerf wars, lego or the Wii. Or head out on bikes.

One small incident recently: my bedroom is out of bounds, but a week ago I went to get something out of my blanket box- and found the base of it was broken. Turns out one of DS2's mates (who is a boisterous but generally good boy) had gone to hide in it during a nerf battle and of course, the base didn't take his weight. I was very unimpressed that DS2 didn't own up at the time but am realistic enough to recognise the boy concerned wouldn't have. I did wonder on the day why he suddenly announced he had to go home...

And 'a funny'. We moved house and school 2 years ago, but not far. DS2, then 8, wanted to keep contact with an old school friend. I know this lad's parents quite well (we socialise from time to time) and the boy, though a bit 'odd', is fine. The issue was always his precocious, spoiled, whiny little sister- the reason DS2 stopped wanting to go on playdate to his friend's house as they were always forced to let her join in with everything (and dominate, and scream when she didn't 'win'). Anyway, 'M' came over. Normally, by the age of 8, I could leave my DSs and their playdate to 'get on with it', unsupervised. But M's polite if a bit 'persistent'. He was desperate to play out in the Close, which was fine, but he only wanted to play cricket, not appropriate on a road with dozens of windows facing AND not a huge amount of fun, so my DSs came indoors to play the Wii. M came reluctantly in too, but in no time was down again (3 storey townhouse) complaining to me ('Mrs P!, Mrs P!') that DS2 wouldn't 'play with me, and I'm the guest and my mum says guests should get first choice' (which, to be fair, is sort of fair enough. DS2 was always indulged at M's house except for the 'annoying little sister aspect!). SO I called my 2 down and said Come on, play nicely with M, to which DS2 said (privately) 'But he's boring! All he wants to do is play cricket which we can't', so I bribed DS2 to play with M (I am keen to keep things sweet with M's mum as she's a friend and it's embarrassing when a playdate goes wrong!), DS2 agreed, so I said to M 'OK, what would YOU like to play that isn't cricket?' and he said...

'Victorian school rooms, and can we dress up?''

...enough of your parents' private life, I said

I had a little girl over and they were playing in the garden, she was mucking around with a full watering can which would normally have been ok, but on this occasion was not as Dd and her had smarting clothes on and were going out. I told her not to and she continued, so I told her again, so she flounced off and into the house. 2 minutes later I realised that she may try going home, and sure enough she had opened the door and gone home. She was very told off by her mum, we did not have her back for at least 6 months. Mostly these things are fine, but I do tend to ensure we have those children over who play nicely with dd. I just make sur they know not to tough dp's office or go into our bedroom.

Smart and sure.....gah